Fed up of my greedy husband

[Yoloohno]

Once again I’ve returned home to find hex eaten something that was bought for myself or by another member of the family as a treat and left me the communal food for me to eat. Think greggs filled doughnut V Tesco jam doughnut.

As a one off fair enough but it’s time and time again. He will eat what he wants regardless of who has bought it. Gifted chocolates from clients that I’ll save, kids Easter eggs it’s fair game.

Yet his treats never make it to the communal cupboard, they either get eaten straight away or get hidden in his car.

Once again it’s sorry. It’s Sunday night and I can’t even replace what’s been eaten. Am I being unfair.

DH and I have very different tastes in treats. He likes cherry liqueur chocolates which I'm not fond of, but he is less fussy so I would be upset if he scoffed something which is particularly my preference.

@rc22

am a teacher and currently have lots of chocolates that were end of term gifts from children in my class. I have told him to keep his hands off and that when I open them, I will share them. He's nagging constantly for them to be opened now!

Is he 3?

Yuck - he sounds vile sorry OP. I cannot be with someone like this, my cousins ex is like this - she left him for it.

He will keep thinking about it and it will bug him that it is there and he wants it "now"

Has he ever stolen food from colleagues or from fridges/cupboards in other people's homes?

If not, he can certainly control himself when he wants to.

I used to have this with my son. But was mainly fruit and multipack chocolate bar's. I had to have a lock put on a cupboard. He's autistic and went through a stage of wanting to constantly snack but refusing to sit down for a meal. It seems cruel but I wanted him to have an appetite to eat the meal I put in front of him.

Yikes! Imagine a man wrote about doing such a thing to a woman!

Well I'm glad I don't live in your house.
Not everything belongs to everyone, whether that's food, clothes or other belongings.
Everyone has the food they need, but there's nothing wrong with everyone having their own special treats sometimes - unless of course one person gets ALL the special treats.
OP should be allowed her treats, DP should get his own.

How can you not understand the rest and then say...

Though having said that, we’d never pig the whole lot and not leave any for the other.

That part is the whole point.

You're focusing on the wrong thing. The cake is a red herring. The problem is he takes whatever he wants and when she tries to put a boundary in place, he makes her feel bad. Whether it's a cake from Greggs or a brand new car, you should respect the fact that you have been asked not to touch it.

There was a recent thread where a poster's mum bought her expensive new trainers as a gift. She didn't wear them a lot because she was trying to keep them looking good, so her husband jammed his (bigger) feet into them and wore them to his job as a painter and decorator. He trashed them and just shrugged "you hadn't worn them in ages".

I guarantee that OP could buy ten Nice Cakes and he would still eat hers if she tried to save it for later. It boils down to selfishness and a lack of respect.

You need to set some boundaries and rules with your husband, and make sure he follows them. Don't let him get away with his greediness, or he will think it's acceptable and continue doing it. You need to stand up for yourself and your family, and let him know that his behaviour is not tolerated. For example, you can label your food or keep it in a separate place, and tell him that he's not allowed to touch it unless he asks you first.

I personally think food is for sharing, unless you’ve bought it as a present and it’s likely to go out of stock, like the kiddie Easter eggs. If there’s something special you’ve bought yourself (like Krispy Kremes) that you both like, then buy enough to share with him.

The issue is the double standard around him hiding his own food. Either everyone shares or everyone has their own. He can’t have it both ways.

Does he have a binge eating problem, OP? I’ve known some people who do, and they don’t pinch food out of greed/cruelty, it’s more a compulsion like any other addiction.

Presents are not for sharing unless offered. All other food is communal. If he eats something for a recipe make him replace it.

If there’s something special you’ve bought yourself (like Krispy Kremes) that you both like, then buy enough to share with him.

With some people, this would become a very expensive habit very quickly. I've lived with people who eat like this - you'd have to buy an enormous amount of food for them not to eat all of it. Buy two packs of biscuits instead of your usual one and they will all go too.

It might seem like the problem is a lack of food but often there's plenty of food, if you understand sharing. The problem is greedy fuckers who will eat everything that's there regardless of whether they're hungry or not. It's territorial behaviour. It's about making it clear that there are no boundaries for you, only for them.

@WhateverMate

If not, he can certainly control himself when he wants to.

Of course he can and he knows that, but his own home is a bit different to outside. We are pretty relaxed about food generally and there is lots to snack on, but just not clear us out. Like I said his ADHD isn't an excuse but it is an insight into why he is like this.

I had a friend who couldn't have biscuits, cakes, crackers, crisps, etc in her house because she would eat the lot no matter the amount that was there.

I have the same problem OP, only my DH not only eats our 5yr old DD’s goodies he will eat the communal ones and then when he’s had a beer he makes the strangest things and often uses something I have bought specifically for tea - chicken fillets, Mozzarella, even Pataks curry pots.
So annoying 😤

This isn't about hunger or greed. It's about him controlling you and you not standing up for yourself.

He's just greedy and selfish when it comes to food. Very unattractive I'm sure.

He sounds insecure and emotionally fragile. Perhaps the food-grabbing and “what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine” attitude and lack of boundaries is symptomatic of that. It’s his insecurity that needs to be addressed.

I get the impression there's a lot more going on here than 'just' him knowingly taking treat food.

I had a friend who couldn't have biscuits, cakes, crackers, crisps, etc in her house because she would eat the lot no matter the amount that was there.

Is it possible she didn't learn to self-regulate as a child, due to having a greedy parent who'd take her food if she didn't eat it immediately?

OP - my original suggestion of a lock box was in response to your OP, where to be honest it sounded to me like your DH has something like BED.
Your updates show there is so much more at play here. He tells you who you can have as friends? He decides if your friends are suitable or not? He berates you for not having enough money to do stag dos? And he deliberately eats things he knows you are looking forward to?

You don't need a lock box. You need a divorce.

Glad she left him! Sounds awful.

The problem is the sheer lack of respect. Would your DH eat his boss’s lunch or treats, I very much doubt it! It’s not even a question of hiding them, his bad attitude will just transfer onto something else. I’d lose respect for someone like this and be seriously considering my future without him.

No food wasn't taken away @WhateverMate but her mother was quite obsessed about her own weight/figure and there never were any treats or anything that could be considered fattening in the house (milk and marg (never butter) only brought in if they had guests coming), so my friend developed these unhealthy eating habits

He’s an abusive gas lighting Great greedy pig

Id be mortified if I’d gobbled up my bfs treats- either by accident or because I was hormonal etc.

In fact I’m the opposite- constantly buying him little treats, beers etc.