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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of my greedy husband

300 replies

Yoloohno · 13/08/2023 23:18

Once again I’ve returned home to find hex eaten something that was bought for myself or by another member of the family as a treat and left me the communal food for me to eat. Think greggs filled doughnut V Tesco jam doughnut.

As a one off fair enough but it’s time and time again. He will eat what he wants regardless of who has bought it. Gifted chocolates from clients that I’ll save, kids Easter eggs it’s fair game.

Yet his treats never make it to the communal cupboard, they either get eaten straight away or get hidden in his car.

Once again it’s sorry. It’s Sunday night and I can’t even replace what’s been eaten. Am I being unfair.

OP posts:
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anotherday11 · 14/08/2023 09:03

Mothership4two · 14/08/2023 08:52

oh f off @anotherday11 do you come on MN just to be nasty? Are you overly dramatic like this IRL?

I see the truth hurts 🤣

Just remember, YOU raised your son to be a glutton and have no respect. To the point you have to hide your treats in a locked box. Your son will end up being like the OPs husband - stealing from his own children and wife’s treats. Would you advise his future wife to keep a locked box too?

And no, I don’t come on here to be nasty, quite the contrary actually. It’s quite sad to see just how low standards are that women accept, often to the detriment of their children with regards to long term repercussions.

Therealjudgejudy · 14/08/2023 09:09

What a depressing thread.

Women (always women) having to hide or lock away food from their greedy partners.

Then giving it the...its the only fault he has haha crap.

Disrespect and lack of boundaries isnt something to brush off.

Mothership4two · 14/08/2023 09:10

As well as being totally wrong @anotherday11 you are just being goady and unpleasant and it sounds like you come on to MN just to start arguments with perfect strangers nice

JazbayGrapes · 14/08/2023 09:12

put some mustard into a syringe and inject it in a donut. Leave for your DH to find and eat...

Bellaboo01 · 14/08/2023 09:14

I've never had an issue with food in our house. All food in the cupboards are for everyone to share and no-one yet has been so greedy that they eat everything and leave nothing for other people in the household.

I suppose if something was particularly for that person (for example a present that was intended just for them) then no-one would eat it.

determinedtomakethiswork · 14/08/2023 09:18

It's never about the food. Your husband is abusive and selfish in many ways.

What would a life without him look like?

Wishihadanalgorithm · 14/08/2023 09:21

I would give him a real taste (or lack) of his own medicine. I’d buy special doughnuts for everyone to eat and tell him he hasn’t got one as you’ve eaten it already -and make sure you and the DC eat yours in front of him.

I’m petty so I would do this regularly.

For birthdays, Father’s Day and Christmas he would receive special boxes of chocolates with only the wrappers inside.

I would do this until he gets the message. It might be about control as others have suggested or he really just might be greedy.

My DP is greedy but nowhere near to the same extent. I actually couldn’t live with this - it would make me really hate him.

Nanny0gg · 14/08/2023 09:24

MysteryBelle · 14/08/2023 04:00

You all are kind of acting like psychos, going on rampages over family members occasionally eating your snacks. Threatening divorce, accusing them of being criminals, like they’ve committed treason or something. 😄

The families of these psychos must walk on eggshells and obey every edict or else. Pretty scary. Chocolate dictators 😂

Show quote history

You really aren't comprehending

WisherWood · 14/08/2023 09:25

Thanks @Mothership4two It seems that male entitlement and lack of respect is pretty common.

Nanny0gg · 14/08/2023 09:25

Mothership4two · 14/08/2023 05:16

Well it sounds like you have bigger problems than just a greedy husband OP!

I have a snaffler adult son at home and have had to resort to marking food items in the fridge, although that doesn't always work because sometimes the item was "going out of date so I thought it didn't matter" - no it wasn't but wrapper has mysteriously disappeared. It used to be really annoying if I found a vital ingredient was missing mid-way through me making a meal. I also have a lockable food box for some bits. We have plenty of food and treats available, but he would trough the lot and not leave anything for anyone else which has been a bit unfair on DS2. I have also used an old plastic toolbox with a padlock.

Then he'd be paying to replace everything he took

Nanny0gg · 14/08/2023 09:26

MysteryBelle · 14/08/2023 06:37

You’re a weirdo if you don’t know the difference between stealing a coworker’s lunch and having the last of the cookies in your own house.

You all are bonkers. Do you put your name on rolls of toilet paper and pens to make sure your children and spouse don’t ‘steal’ them?

Deranged.

Show quote history

No. Thoughtful. Considerate.

Not rude and selfish.

See the difference?

Nanny0gg · 14/08/2023 09:28

DiningRoomDrama · 14/08/2023 07:28

One hell of a drip-feed! But going back to the doughnuts… if you really want to go to war with your husband over cheap doughnuts ts, go ahead. Here’s how we do it in our house, just for a suggestion. We are married. We are a family. We don’t have “my food”, “his food”, etc. If my mum were to buy me chocolates for my birthday I would immediately share them. Likewise if I were to receive a box of chocolates from a client. As would my husband (although less likely to happen to him as his mother is dead and he took early retirement). We enjoy sharing things like that. I don’t “buy myself a treat”. We buy one for everyone. There would be doughnuts for everyone. We also don’t have separate money. So we never have the “I bought this for myself” situation. That died with the end of my flat-sharing days at university. Hiding food in your car is not healthy behaviour in a marriage. But it seems there are are bigger problems in your marriage than who ate which doughnut.

What if you don't want to eat the chocolates for a while?

Would they still be there when you wanted them?

There's the difference...

Iwasafool · 14/08/2023 09:30

Yoloohno · 13/08/2023 23:28

I have hid my chocolate in my boot, then bought them out to eat and he’s still helped himself to the ones I “don’t like” without asking. it’s futile. I lose my shit and it’s somehow my fault every time and sorry should be enough.

But I come home from work and all I want is the treat I bought to find it’s gone and the thing he could’ve eaten with pleasure but not as nice is what I’m left with.

In my house if you buy a treat you buy it for everyone. I can't imagine going and buying a nice cake for me and not quite so nice cake for everyone else. It just sounds odd to me.

billy1966 · 14/08/2023 09:31

He is a horrible, controlling, nasty, greedy man.

Your poor children being reared in your home.

I couldn't look at such a selfish, greedy pig.

Good decent men do not behave like this.

MasterBeth · 14/08/2023 09:38

AtomicBlondeRose · 14/08/2023 08:14

Can’t the smug “in our house everything is shared” people realise this only works when everyone in the house also consumes stuff fairly? That for that system to operate you need everyone to have the voice in their head that says “ok, that pack of KitKats is nearly gone and I ate most of them…better ask if anyone else wants one before I scoff it.”

Yes. I think we realise. But I think we also realise we have some control in our lives.

  1. Don't get into relationships or continue to put up with partners who have this disrespectful behaviour.

  2. And subsequently, don't bring up children to behave like this by modelling this attitude in your home or tolerating it from others.

This is a problem of basic respect and partnership, for me. It feels like a symptom of a wider problem and you ned to address the wider problem.

WhateverMate · 14/08/2023 09:38

Nanny0gg · 14/08/2023 09:28

What if you don't want to eat the chocolates for a while?

Would they still be there when you wanted them?

There's the difference...

Show quote history

Exactly.

It's so very simple and yet some posters just cannot get it.

Kpo58 · 14/08/2023 09:41

Yoloohno · 14/08/2023 00:13

I know tomorrow he’ll bring me a bunch of flowers ax an apology because he’ll feel guilty.

But I can’t eat flowers, doesn’t change my hunger and disappointment.

m He isn’t bad just greedy and can’t understand boundaries.

Although my dc would appreciate the cash box. They’d sometimes prefer the cash to what they’re bought.

I'd be shoving those flowers where the sun doesn't shine personally.

Whilst deciding if you really want to stay with this wankbadger, you can get fridge cages with a lock on it so you can lock up your food.

Just remember that staying with him is likely to give the kids an eating disorder as they will feel that they have to eat everything now or it will be stolen from them and cannot save it til when they want to eat it.

Pebblesflintstoneandbambamrubble · 14/08/2023 09:43

This used to be my mother

She has real issues with food-if it's there,she has to eat it

There's no 'save for best' or 'later'-it's scoffed now

I cannot count the amount of times one of us kids tried to save something-go for it and she'd eaten it

I remember the time I'd been on a school trip and spent my pocket money on a king sized mars bar to give to my darling granddad (I used to live with him-i can't remember why I was at my parents that night)

Went to bed,leaving the Mars bar in the kitchen,got up the next morning and I couldn't find it

She helped me look and we still couldn't find it so headed back home to grandad-i remember being really upset

Years later,she admitted she'd eaten it and never owned up or bought a new one-in fact she thought it was funny in a 'oh haha,parenting fail!' (There's a meme floating round the Internet that's more or less the same thing-it really pisses me off)

That was my mars bar,bought with my own money as a present for grandad and not her

It got to the point where if I got anything nice at hers,I'd take it to grandads just so she couldn't get her mitts on it-i got into trouble so many times for this

I have 3 brothers and all 3 have massive issues with food (in various forms) as she used to pull this stunt all the time-they won't make old age due to this

I'm the only one that doesn't as I grew up being able to leave whatever I wanted lying around and it would still be there when I went for it

It's your choice if you should leave but my story (my brothers) is what your children will suffer if you dont

ladeluge · 14/08/2023 09:45

Either he is a greyhound or is a bit fat lump. One thing he is is a total prick with no boundaries, is bossy and doesn't sound one bit nice at all.

There is no way you should have to live with a baby child who has no limits and needs to be parented into "life".

I'd be considering my options. That is no way to live.

Mothership4two · 14/08/2023 09:53

@Nanny0gg

Then he'd be paying to replace everything he took

He usually does later Nanny but it doesn't help at the time!

He's generally a really nice guy, more than pulls his weight at home - is a better cook than me and is a pleasure to be around on the whole. He is a bit of a foodie and has ADHD so sometimes obsesses about things especially if he has seen something he wants to eat! He will keep thinking about it and it will bug him that it is there and he wants it "now". He has been known to pop out to buy something that he has seen one of us eating. Obviously his ADHD is not an excuse for this behaviour and we have sat down with him to talk about it and to discuss strategies. He is a lot better than he used to be and eats fairly healthily. It is annoying though

GG1986 · 14/08/2023 09:55

All treats get hidden in my house as oh will eat them. Its bloody annoying.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/08/2023 09:56

Fair enough if it’s e.g. kids’ Easter Eggs, but I don’t understand the rest. Whether it’s a gift box of chocs for one of us or whatever, no treats in this house are ever strictly mine or dh’s - they’re ours.
Though having said that, we’d never pig the whole lot and not leave any for the other.

MrsMarzetti · 14/08/2023 09:58

Don't hide your food. Tell him you have had enough of his disrespectful and greedy attitude and that it has to end today. He is acting like a little Prince and needs to grow up very very quickly.

Thelonelygiraffe · 14/08/2023 10:01

Every female friend I have has always been a cheater, not been right, can’t socialise for whatever reason he chooses. I dare to comment the same about his friends and he makes out like I’m a controlling nutcase despite them being so much worse.

Ah, OP, I thought there'd be more to it. He's a controlling, jealous, abusive man. Coercive control is illegal.

You deserve better.