Fed up of my greedy husband

[Yoloohno]

Once again I’ve returned home to find hex eaten something that was bought for myself or by another member of the family as a treat and left me the communal food for me to eat. Think greggs filled doughnut V Tesco jam doughnut.

As a one off fair enough but it’s time and time again. He will eat what he wants regardless of who has bought it. Gifted chocolates from clients that I’ll save, kids Easter eggs it’s fair game.

Yet his treats never make it to the communal cupboard, they either get eaten straight away or get hidden in his car.

Once again it’s sorry. It’s Sunday night and I can’t even replace what’s been eaten. Am I being unfair.

Sounds unhealthy. Is he overweight?

As others have said, this is about more than food. He is controlling you and the dc, he is abusing you.

You are working - can you leave him? Seriously, he sounds awful.

Oh and on the smaller issue of food. Cash is no compensation. Neither are flowers. Obtaining a particular item of food, to make it available at a particular time, requires thought and effort.

Taking advantage of someone else's thought and effort, or of the care shown to them by a gift-giver, is the issue. You can't replace love and care with money.

Blimey. This is about so much more than him having eaten your treat.
You do understand that this behaviour is Not Normal, right? I think it's time to consider the future of this relationship.

I am amazed at just how many of you have locked boxes to hide your treats in! 😳

Are you not embarrassed?

Also do you realise what kind of disordered eating issues you are going to cause your children later in life? Hiding food, being secret eaters for fear of their food going missing, binge eating? Absolute madness that you are resorting to buying a locked box because one person can’t control their greed and disrespect.

Box with lock and key you shouldn't have to I know.

One hell of a drip-feed! But going back to the doughnuts… if you really want to go to war with your husband over cheap doughnuts ts, go ahead. Here’s how we do it in our house, just for a suggestion. We are married. We are a family. We don’t have “my food”, “his food”, etc. If my mum were to buy me chocolates for my birthday I would immediately share them. Likewise if I were to receive a box of chocolates from a client. As would my husband (although less likely to happen to him as his mother is dead and he took early retirement). We enjoy sharing things like that. I don’t “buy myself a treat”. We buy one for everyone. There would be doughnuts for everyone. We also don’t have separate money. So we never have the “I bought this for myself” situation. That died with the end of my flat-sharing days at university. Hiding food in your car is not healthy behaviour in a marriage. But it seems there are are bigger problems in your marriage than who ate which doughnut.

Until he decides that friend is not right and I’ll let them down.

What am I reading! Your husband is a very selfish man OP. Does he control everything?

You've got much bigger problems than chocolate.

Get a lockable box. Tell him it's ridiculous you've had to go to such lengths because of his selfishness.

In the short term, bake brownies and lace them with laxatives. Then package them up like they came from a shop and leave them for H.

In the long term, leave the fucking dickhead. He's not greedy. He's controlling and entitled.

I was one of four so I did have to hide treats as a kid. My sister would eat them, my elder brother 'alter' them. Both bullied me.
I have a poor relationship with food due to this.
I have a chocolate pinching DH too but he would never touch something gifted or without me saying it was for eating up. I don't like sweets or cake.
We have two larders and if its in there help yourself. We have adult DC, one who is home weekends the other not.
Personally OP I worry your H is a bully. He polices your friends, goes through your car and doesn't seem to want to be nice to you. He may have an eating disorder but the other stuff is aggressive. What is your plan? Do you want to leave him?

@MsRosley I was trying to think how to sum it up and that hits the nail on the head!

My DH does this. It's his only selfish trait. He makes light of it and says "if you snooze you lose" but thankfully he's been on a diet the past few months and my snacks have been left alone. I was on the verge of hiding them in tampon boxes etc.

They can be so rude can't they!

This type of problem always reminds me of an episode of come dine with me. A woman had planned her menu, which involved eggs, she bought all the ingredients. An hour before everyone arrived her husband decided to have a 6 egg omelette. She had to go door to door asking her neighbours for eggs. I always thought it was far more than thoughtlessness on her husbands part.

My husband buys his own treats - stuff I don't like, and keeps them in one cupboard. I have my own treats (he does like mine) and keep them where he'd never think to look - the bottom of the ironing basket.

Do you think that was true @grassverge or made up by the tv company for dramatic effect? I have a friend who took part (and won) CDWM and I am a bit cynical now!

I think you've posted about this before. I think the conclusion was he is not going to change. Because he doesn't care that he has upset you and thinks he is entitled to your birthday present, or the kids Easter eggs etc. So you either hide it, accept the situation, or leave (unless he would do counselling and explain to a third party exactly why he thinks its OK to eat a present someone has bought you).

Bit dramatic @anotherday11! But if it is that or go without I'll opt for the box. My locked box is see-through so DS can see exactly what he shouldn't be snaffling. You shouldn't have to go to these resorts, but it's a bit harsh to then get the blame!

Yes it does ring a bell @DrinkFeckArseBrick

Because he would eat both I'd imagine

What would happen if there were no treats at all in the house? Could you and the DC do without them for a bit?

Can’t the smug “in our house everything is shared” people realise this only works when everyone in the house also consumes stuff fairly? That for that system to operate you need everyone to have the voice in their head that says “ok, that pack of KitKats is nearly gone and I ate most of them…better ask if anyone else wants one before I scoff it.”

@MsRosley wins the thread 🤣🤣🤣

Are you me? Exact same thing happened to me when pregnant (McCoy’s sizzling king prawn, the best ones!) and I threw such a fit he went out and bought me ten replacement packets 😂