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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave my child for good?

180 replies

Topzablue · 13/08/2023 13:06

After being with dp and having sexual assault after assault. I'm done. I'm a shell of myself. I'm too scared to leave. I'm utterly alone. If I leave I'll have no one. We are homeless and have been living with dp and his parents.

Why is it because of what he has done I have to suffer? I have no family or friends that can help. I'm too scared of the thought of going to a hostel and what that may mean and entail for me and my child. I feel like I've horribly failed my dc and don't want her to live a life of poverty and homelessness.

We have already packed our bags so many times during these years of abuse. She is older now and so much more aware. It's not fair for her.

Shall I just leave her with her dad? I made us a nice home here, painted her bedroom. Decorated all our rooms. Made it so everything she could possibly want and need is here.

I have no money to start again. I work one week. I've spent so much money on the furniture I have here.

I'm too weak and pathetic. I don't have the courage to be able to look after her and me all utterly alone. I read single mum threads on here and I know you can do it because you have to but the thought literally makes me have panic attacks.

I've barely got my head over water right now. I'm not in a strong mental place. I can barely deal with processing what's happening to me to have anything left to give dc.

I think it's best for everyone if I surrender her. At least then I will have no ties with dp and his fucked up family anymore. All the fights and forced sex will stop. I can cut off from it all. It will hurt to bad to not have dc, she is my heart. But this is my life. Full of pain and abuse so I'm used to it.

OP posts:
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Davyjones · 14/08/2023 11:07

Myworldjusthim · 13/08/2023 18:50

You report the rape. Doubt he will get custody then

Show quote history

Nope. That's not how it works. Even a rapist has rights to see their children according to the family courts.

Davyjones · 14/08/2023 11:10

caringcarer · 14/08/2023 00:21

@Davyjones, you are so brave to have fought to get yourself out of your abusive relationship, a real inspiration to OP so she can see it is possible to escape with her DC. Ringing Woman's Aid is the first step. I am very pleased your life has improved DavyJones.

My child goes to a man who sexually abused me and has severe perverted sexual urges and I can't be there with her, but yes I am still better off.

Splitting amicably and avoiding the family courts is far better so glad she's decided to do that.

Once you're away personally you can get your head together at least.

KeepYaHeadUp · 14/08/2023 11:15

OP, I'm so sorry you're in this situation. You do not deserve to be going through this, and your daughter doesn't deserve to be separated from you irrespective of how terrible you think the alternative is. Long term, she is better off with you.

Imagine her when she is fully grown, knowing and understanding that you did all you could to keep you and her together. She will understand. She might not thank you for it at times but sometimes it's not about instant gratification, but doing what is best.

As PPs have said, Women's Aid can help you.

ArabeIIaScott · 14/08/2023 11:15

Topzablue · 13/08/2023 21:17

Thanks for all of your responses. I agree my head is not in the right place and have calmed down alot.

We have decided to split amicably. As much as I want to cut him off and have nothing to do with him I will still let dc see her dad and family and be open to seeing him for special occasions.

I feel bad enough that our issues are resulting on our child having to have split parents, I don't want her to feel like she is missing out or make our hardship hers..

I will be going to the council in the meantime.

I'm glad to hear from you, OP. Thanks for updating.

You may still find Women's Aid, or Rape Crisis, or the Rights of Women useful for advice and support. It sounds like you have suffered for a long time; it will take time to recover from that. But if you have split up, you will now be hopefully able to start that process.

Your daughter will be so much better for having a strong mother who has taken a difficult step because it's for the best of both of you. That's providing a good, strong role model.

As you grow happier your daughter will also be far better off, happier, and healthier, than she would be with a mother stuck in an abusive relationship.

Wishing you the very best with it all. There's always support here if you need it.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/08/2023 14:22

Topzablue · 13/08/2023 21:17

Thanks for all of your responses. I agree my head is not in the right place and have calmed down alot.

We have decided to split amicably. As much as I want to cut him off and have nothing to do with him I will still let dc see her dad and family and be open to seeing him for special occasions.

I feel bad enough that our issues are resulting on our child having to have split parents, I don't want her to feel like she is missing out or make our hardship hers..

I will be going to the council in the meantime.

Oh I'm so glad! Just keep moving forward and you'll be out of there soon.

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