To leave my child for good?

[Topzablue]

After being with dp and having sexual assault after assault. I'm done. I'm a shell of myself. I'm too scared to leave. I'm utterly alone. If I leave I'll have no one. We are homeless and have been living with dp and his parents.

Why is it because of what he has done I have to suffer? I have no family or friends that can help. I'm too scared of the thought of going to a hostel and what that may mean and entail for me and my child. I feel like I've horribly failed my dc and don't want her to live a life of poverty and homelessness.

We have already packed our bags so many times during these years of abuse. She is older now and so much more aware. It's not fair for her.

Shall I just leave her with her dad? I made us a nice home here, painted her bedroom. Decorated all our rooms. Made it so everything she could possibly want and need is here.

I have no money to start again. I work one week. I've spent so much money on the furniture I have here.

I'm too weak and pathetic. I don't have the courage to be able to look after her and me all utterly alone. I read single mum threads on here and I know you can do it because you have to but the thought literally makes me have panic attacks.

I've barely got my head over water right now. I'm not in a strong mental place. I can barely deal with processing what's happening to me to have anything left to give dc.

I think it's best for everyone if I surrender her. At least then I will have no ties with dp and his fucked up family anymore. All the fights and forced sex will stop. I can cut off from it all. It will hurt to bad to not have dc, she is my heart. But this is my life. Full of pain and abuse so I'm used to it.

Contact the police.

Contact a refuge.

Don't abandon your child to abuse because it is easier for you.

Woman's Aid can provide a solicitor who can apply for a non molestation order and occupation order that can be done within days if necessary. It will give you breathing space. You do not have to leave your home.

Report him to the police.

I think your situation sounds very urgent,, you need to take your daughter with you to a refuge.
Use the info here:
https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/womens_refuges

Here's the problem. Saying no doesn't mean you refused in a way that would get the person done for rape.

I was told by police I was raped, I did not say I was raped, I described what happened and they called it rape.

ten months on from that my ex is getting shared time with my daughter, as no conviction, and in court I was just told I was exaggerating.

Is he a rapist? You would say so, logic would say so, but legally he isn't, therefore he got access.

So if she leaves, she will still have to leave her child with a rapist, only difference being she is now not there.

This is why leaving is so scary.

Please contact the police and women's aid/refuge. Thing don't have to be like this.

This will benefit your daughter in the long run.

There is light at the end of this dreadful tunnel.

To start off with, make a phone call to women's aid. Just a phone call. What do you have to lose?

They can and will help you break free. A friend of mine has not long ago , broken free of an abusive relationship with their help. She got a council flat, they set her up with universal credit, applied for a grant for furniture abd most importantly, gave ongoing support.

But one step at a time. Just a phone call OP. You don't need to do anything except talk to them and listen to them.

I think if you have a rape or rapes recorded on your phone, you have a chance of proving it. Don't abandon your child.

All theses posts seem to much they do to me just reading them . Some of the stuff that's Said you don't need to do yet .

One step at a time.

Get you and dd to a refuge. Everything else you will gey help /support via the refuge. You don't need to worry about police or child contact. Just get you and dd to safety

You don't know that he won't a sex offender is a sex offender. This is why that couple with the baby were on the run. Because he's a sex offender. Though he had never assaulted a child there's still a risk he will. Sometimes when they're partner leaves they turn to the nearest victim to them they're own child. Even have them sleeping in bed in place of they're partner.

So she needs to sit around and wait for the next rape? Second comment I've read on here suggesting this!

She's broken. She can't go to the police. Some amazing advice on here regarding womans aids so I hope the op takes it. For those of you telling her to grab her child and run you're not helping.

Because leaving means you will have to anyway if that rape is not proven and a court find it didn't happen. The court didn't care about what my ex did sexually, or his use of prostitution behind my back. He is getting access to her without me there, for the reset of her life.

Oh love. I can’t imagine how scary and impossible it feels, but it isn’t I promise you. Taking the first step really is the hardest part, the leap into the unknown. You don’t have to think months and years down the line, just one step at a time.

There are many agencies and services out there to help women in your situation, can you contact women’s aid? Just for a chat, they’ll help you see what your options are.

It must feel so bleak right now, but a year from now you could be living safely somewhere with your child. Just take that first step x

I'm not suggesting that she sits around waiting to be raped, and you know I'm not. This is her liver experience and this is what is happening to her daily. If she's not going to leave right now, this afternoon, it's going to happen again. So she should record it. We all know how difficult it is to secure a conviction for rape and sexual assault, she would have evidence.

Lived*

I was in a refuge with my mum. I find it absolutely insulting that you look down on this option.

I would have hated her forever if she'd left me - my father would have made sure of that.

@nonheme is it beyond you to imagine how desperate the OP feels to be contemplating leaving her daughter?

Your post offers nothing but judgement of a woman in utterly dire straits.

Agree with everyone else you need to leave and take your child with you he will abuse her.

Another reason not to leave your daughter there is that abusers often escalate once their victim finds the courage to leave. Your daughter, being your daughter will be a constant remind to him of you, and an easy target. You don't say how old she is, but I would be worried about what happens that first time that she shows a hint of whatever triggers him with you - answering back, defiance, independence - anything that makes him feel that he isn't in control of her. His dad watched him assault you, yet didn't do or say anything to protect you, your daughter would not be safe there without you.

Just stop it. Your naivety is astounding. The OP is not thinking clearly the same as you. You're not being raped and abused.

Get both your passports at least. You need to leave and take her with you. Please do not abandon her to a rapist and a rapist’s family. That poor girl. And poor you. Good luck OP.

I'm sure there was a time in your relationship that you were happy and never thought he would hurt you. You might be right that he will never rape her. But what is that teaching her to expect in a relationship? That her future husband can push her around and rape her and its totally fine and normal?

You cannot leave your young daughter to be raised by a violent rapist.

You cannot leave your daughter alone with a rapist! Your job is to make her safe. Speak to a womens refuge, and leave with her. It's the only way. You will not be homeless.