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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To leave my child for good?

180 replies

Topzablue · 13/08/2023 13:06

After being with dp and having sexual assault after assault. I'm done. I'm a shell of myself. I'm too scared to leave. I'm utterly alone. If I leave I'll have no one. We are homeless and have been living with dp and his parents.

Why is it because of what he has done I have to suffer? I have no family or friends that can help. I'm too scared of the thought of going to a hostel and what that may mean and entail for me and my child. I feel like I've horribly failed my dc and don't want her to live a life of poverty and homelessness.

We have already packed our bags so many times during these years of abuse. She is older now and so much more aware. It's not fair for her.

Shall I just leave her with her dad? I made us a nice home here, painted her bedroom. Decorated all our rooms. Made it so everything she could possibly want and need is here.

I have no money to start again. I work one week. I've spent so much money on the furniture I have here.

I'm too weak and pathetic. I don't have the courage to be able to look after her and me all utterly alone. I read single mum threads on here and I know you can do it because you have to but the thought literally makes me have panic attacks.

I've barely got my head over water right now. I'm not in a strong mental place. I can barely deal with processing what's happening to me to have anything left to give dc.

I think it's best for everyone if I surrender her. At least then I will have no ties with dp and his fucked up family anymore. All the fights and forced sex will stop. I can cut off from it all. It will hurt to bad to not have dc, she is my heart. But this is my life. Full of pain and abuse so I'm used to it.

OP posts:
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TheBrightestStarInTheSky · 13/08/2023 13:25

Nobody in their right mind would give you permission to leave your daughter with this monster.
You can do this, fear has got the better of you. You can give your daughter a good life if you have the commitment.
Ring Women's Aid today, they will help and support you. You will feel better once you have a plan.

Seagullchippy · 13/08/2023 13:27

There's support for single mums, if you can get help finding it. Benefits, housing and help with childcare so you can work and rebuild your life. Also organisations like Home Start give support.

You can't think clearly when living with an abuser. Your child needs you, will definitely be happier long term if you leave with her, take her away from her dad. If he doesn't listen to you when you say no, he won't respect her needs either. She needs you to take her away from this.

You can do it! Please reach out for support and make that step. It really will be better.

Topzablue · 13/08/2023 13:29

All those saying she can't live with a rapist, he will have rights to custody though. So what's the difference

OP posts:
Wisenotboring · 13/08/2023 13:29

Please don't leave your daughter with a sex offender. If you abandon her to a situation that as you say yourself she can see is toxic, it will have lifelong ramifications for her.

Phone women's aid and they will help you. Where in the country do you live? There may be local charities that could help you. Please believe me that there is a whole future of happiness outbthere for you and your daughter. You only need to take one step at a time and that is phoning women's aid. Much love OP and all the best.

Topzablue · 13/08/2023 13:30

I'm feeling so defeated. I never wanted this life for me or my child

OP posts:
Topzablue · 13/08/2023 13:31

He pushed me down yesterday infront of his dad and his dad saw it all and said nothing. I don't feel safe here anymore

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 13/08/2023 13:33

Topzablue · 13/08/2023 13:29

All those saying she can't live with a rapist, he will have rights to custody though. So what's the difference

You need to leave with your daughter and report him for rape, this will protect her from his ‘rights’. You can’t leave your daughter with a rapist, being a mum is a life long commitment no matter what you are going through, and even if he doesn’t rape her she will ultimately end up with someone just like him. Take your DD and go and get help OP.

PoshPineapple · 13/08/2023 13:34

You've reached out for help on here, OP - now do the same with Women's Aid. They will allow you to breathe and offer instant and practical help and advice. Please don't even consider leaving your DD....you will do irreparable damage to her and your relationship with her. It may feel like the only solution right now, but in the months and years ahead, the consequences of such an action will make you feel 100 times more hopeless and devastated than you are feeling right now.

Do it now - for both of you:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

I need help - information and support on domestic abuse

Not sure if you're experiencing abuse? Worried about someone else? If you or a friend need help, we are here. Learn more about our information and support.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support

Andthereyougo · 13/08/2023 13:35

You don’t feel safe because you’re not safe. Neither is your dd. Rape is about control and just as he uses it to control you, he could use it to control your daughter. It’s his mentality.
Take her to a police station. Say you need to speak to a woman police officer about rape. They will help you.
You do this one step at a time, don’t imagine where you’ll live, or what you do, do one step first. I escaped an abuser ( ex husband) many years ago. Once I took the first step it all fell into place.
Do that first step.

Thesenderofthiscard · 13/08/2023 13:36

‘He would never rape her. He wouldn't do anything to her. He only rapes me because we are in a relationship and it's not like he forces me I just say no and he never listens.’

That’s the definition of rape. Forcing someone to have sex.

If you leave her with an abuser he WILL abuse her

Poppyblush · 13/08/2023 13:38

Next time he does it call the police.

sadaboutmycat · 13/08/2023 13:38

OP please get some immediate legal advice as to where you would stand if you left her there temporarily. Then weigh up your next move.
I read desperation in your posts, but he has made you feel this way. You have survived this far because you are strong and capable, whatever he makes you feel like.
You could leave now with her into a refuge. I know you feel that this will be so disruptive for her-but she would be with her Mum.
Please, check out legally what your rights would be moving forwards if you left without her, so you are making an informed choice.
You should be able to get a free half hour consultation with a lawyer who specialises in family law.

3peassuit · 13/08/2023 13:38

You cannot leave your child with your rapist. Contact the police now.

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 13/08/2023 13:39

Contact Women's Aid or Refuge and follow their advice. Personally I would report his rapes and physical abuse to the police and your GP (who can refer you to the relevant services including therapy), but I sense you aren't strong enough for that at the moment, and that's okay.

Take your daughter. He's physically assaulting you in front of his parents who say nothing. They are not the right people to have custody.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Thoughtful2355 · 13/08/2023 13:40

If you say no and he doesn't listen.. that's forcing you and it's rape

Davyjones · 13/08/2023 13:40

No, don't give up. I was in a similar situation. I went to police but I didn't say no properly so nothing happened.

I think you should go to the police now, and then get into a refuge, it will be quick.

Report the rape, and they will do a video interview. It won't be nice but it will ensure he is interviewed over it, possibly arrested.

Go via a local domestic violence charity and ask for help in a refuge.

Once you're there you can have a support worker who will assist you applying for benefits.

You can give your ex contact with the child and use that time to sort things out. You can begin from scratch and when you do you feel better about yourself slowly but surely.

As long as you're giving him access you won't have to go to court.

If he begins not passing the child back you can go via your support worker to file a C100 and use legal aid to file it and gain a solicitor who will then help you through your divorce and any possible child arrangements proceedings .

You can't withhold the child, unless you have significant cause to believe he will put her in immediate danger, and if that's the case, deny access, but he will get 50/50 unless the above is the case via court.

I have felt and said exactly the same as you over these past few years, I submitted to sexual abuse, being called names, choked out, licked, dominated. It's soul destroying, and the nightly flashbacks are exhausting.

Please also go to your GP and get all these incidents and their effect on you, on record. Also you could get some short-term sleeping pills if you are having trouble once you get into your new home. I did! My sleeping pattern went absolutely haywire, and I had to juggle being with my child, processing abuse, working, and bouts of absolutely unmanageable anguished screaming.

It's almost a year on and even though he has maintained a level of control and terror over me via access to my child, I am able to live as myself, and find myself outside of that dominating relationship. I have been nothing but a mother for 7 years, and for 5 a submissive sex slave with limited and ever-decreasing freedom and autonomy.

Even though I am living my nightmare, which was having to hand my child over to someone who I know to be unstable and sexually perverse, I still feel freer than I've ever felt.

He wanted me to think I was better off killing myself and leaving my child to him. Don't do it! Don't let him take your life in that way.

Your children need you.

If you call Women's Aid tomorrow or a local domestic abuse place, or both, it may help you have the courage to report his crimes, and then you will have the ball rolling and life will be better.

You only feel this way now because he still has you under his physical control. You can end that though. Once you escape the physical control, you work on the mental control, but you can't do that until you're physically free.

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/08/2023 13:43

You want to leave your child with a rapist?

I'm a dv/sa survivor. Hell would freeze over before I left my child with an abuser.

Birdsongsinging · 13/08/2023 13:44

I feel really bad for you. You are obviously feeling so low that it is skewing your thinking.

Please leave but take your daughter. If you leave her she will have a lifetime of feeling abandoned, not good enough etc. Your relationship is unlikely to recover.

You will feel stronger once you have left and you will feel better and be glad that you and your daughter are away.

Good luck

Safe16 · 13/08/2023 13:44

Take her and run.

Your stronger than you think . You have put up with all this shit for a long time. He has made you feel weak, worthless, useless. And used. But you are none of them things the fact you have taken that shit for so long means your strong. You need to use that strength to take you and your daughter. And leave.

As others have said contact womans aid and they will find you a place of safety. Or the council can do the same. It sounds like womens aid may be better in your case though as the support will be put in place better. They will help you with access to money etc

Please don't leave your dd. You may not see it. But she's also a victim. Because she will have witness some of what's happening to you. She needs protecting to.

Also this bit will sound bad. But if you have dd with you, you get more help regarding housing etc.

My dd has been through DV. She's stayed in temp accommodation ,refuge etc. She now has a lovely home with her and her kids they are safe. You don't have to have money and a house set up etc. You leave and then deal with the rest as you go.

You can do it honestly.

Typz · 13/08/2023 13:44

OP please call Women’s Aid and keep trying until you get through to someone/ they can get you and your daughter a place to hide from him.

Women’s Aid: 0808 2000 247
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

If you said no and he had sex with you anyway, that is rape. Please don’t leave your child with a rapist.

I need help - information and support on domestic abuse

Not sure if you're experiencing abuse? Worried about someone else? If you or a friend need help, we are here. Learn more about our information and support.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Tilllly · 13/08/2023 13:45

She needs her mummy more than anything else in the world

Please, pick her up and go to a police station. Tell them you've been raped and assaulted

They will look after you both and do everything else

BadNomad · 13/08/2023 13:45

What are you going to tell her one day when she asks why you left her with an abusive rapist? "You had a nice bedroom" ? "I didn't want to figure out how to take you with me" ?

Truthfully, there isn't a justifiable reason to leave her like that.

Threatenmewithadeadfish · 13/08/2023 13:47

If you go to womens refuge, and claim universal credit you will have enough money to live and a room for now. Before long, the local authority will put you in permanent housing, this will be affordable and mostly if not all covered by UC . You build up from there, find a job that works around school hours and you can even arrange for a removal team to collect your possessions and bring them to your new place eventually. All this can be managed through the courts. With parental responsibility, your husband could take your daughter and keep her and you’d have to fight through the courts, so it’s better to have no contact until you’ve had residency confirmed by a judge and social services will need to be involved since your husband is effectively a sex offender and should really only have supervised access for now. You can’t see it, but you actually have all the power here if you break it down legally. Take her and go. You’ll feel better around other women with similar experiences and you’ll all be celebrating with each other when those magic letters come from the council to say you’ve been given a home.

blackbeardsballsack · 13/08/2023 13:48

Take an audio recording when he forces you to have sex with him. Use this to strengthen the likelihood of conviction, which will also lead to safer contact arrangements for your daughter. And then leave, with her, and make a complaint to the police.

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