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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother of Star Hobson does not deserve sympathy

312 replies

pumpkinspice87 · 13/08/2023 07:14

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12385875/amp/Family-murdered-Star-Hobson-looking-forward-welcoming-home-mother-allowed-toddler-die-hands-girlfriend-say-victim-tragedy.html

Am I being unreasonable to be absolutely sickened by this article? I get that this man is traumatised by what happened to his family, but how could anyone be so blinded as to see Star's mother as some sort of innocent victim? She was a cruel and neglectful mother who was too infatuated with her new partner to protect her baby daughter. Yes, I know she has a low IQ and learning difficulties. However, to use this as a constant excuse is an absolute insult to the many, many people in this country with learning difficulties (many of whom are parents) who would never, ever think it is acceptable to stand by and watch whilst their child is horrifically abused.

EXCL: Family of tragic Star Hobson will welcome home jailed mother

EXCLUSIVE: The distraught family of tragic 16-month-old Star Hobson say they are ready to welcome her mother back home - three years after her brutal girlfriend killed the toddler.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12385875/amp/Family-murdered-Star-Hobson-looking-forward-welcoming-home-mother-allowed-toddler-die-hands-girlfriend-say-victim-tragedy.html

OP posts:
caringcarer · 15/08/2023 02:05

Beezknees · 13/08/2023 07:18

It's not a popular opinion but I agree with you. I do not have sympathy for any mother who allows her child to be hurt, under any circumstances.

I always feel physically sick when I read about yet another mother who stands by and lets her partner harm her baby. Tonight I felt sick when I read about a mother who is not sure if her partner shaking a 6 month old baby is ok.

MiniTheMinx · 15/08/2023 05:38

caringcarer · 15/08/2023 02:05

I always feel physically sick when I read about yet another mother who stands by and lets her partner harm her baby. Tonight I felt sick when I read about a mother who is not sure if her partner shaking a 6 month old baby is ok.

Where did you read that?

caringcarer · 15/08/2023 06:40

MiniTheMinx · 15/08/2023 05:38

Where did you read that?

On a thread on MN yesterday.

Iwasafool · 15/08/2023 11:10

Lemieux7 · 14/08/2023 21:49

She knew what was going on was wrong and she went along with it.

The worst of the abuse was happening when Savannah was 'babysitting' Star overnight when Star should have been at home in bed. FS did actually question SB in telephone calls about why Star was coming home so bruised. It was established in court that when Star was with her mother, she wasn't getting injured. The injuries were happening in the car at night. And the jury felt that FS wasn't in the room when SB inflicted Star's fatal injury.

None of this means that she wasn't a terrible, neglectful mother. But I feel that social services is more to blame when it must have been obvious that FS was an unfit mother. Especially when her own family were calling SS and they repeatedly did nothing.

I'm of the opinion that the pandemic made certain people feel they didn't want to do their jobs properly.

So abuse was going on while she was there, just not he worst of the abuse. That's fine then isn't it. She should get an award.

Iwasafool · 15/08/2023 11:12

caringcarer · 15/08/2023 02:05

I always feel physically sick when I read about yet another mother who stands by and lets her partner harm her baby. Tonight I felt sick when I read about a mother who is not sure if her partner shaking a 6 month old baby is ok.

OMG how can anyone not know that let alone that midwives and HV always remind people in my experience. I hope whoever it was got some good advice.

Iwasafool · 15/08/2023 11:15

Summerwashout · 14/08/2023 19:20

Brockhill was a bouncer, fighter and traveller. She mentioned her down culture and what they do. I'm not saying what she did is what all travellers do but her culture is clearly very important to her and they whole toughing up Children.

Each time she hurt poor star, star was OK in the sense she didn't die or need attention.

So one can imagine it just escalating and her sort of becoming immersed in that world.

When I was 16 a very dodgy bloke fancied me and I sort of fancied him. Our date was hanging out in town looking at cars to steal. He was literally trying to open them as we walked along.

For a few hours I felt cool, walking on the wild side.

I think I saw him a couple more times before I came to my senses.
Strange as it may sound I think Brockhill was so so confident and assured that Smith did fall in with it.

I actually have noticed quite a lot in life just how powerful these incredible self assured people are esp when they talk in a certain way.

There is one at work, definitely not nasty or a killer liked Brockhill but definitely not that bright and yet very bright colleagues (some) really think she's something... I've got a relative like this also.

Well I don't think her culture is very supportive of gay and lesbian relationships so she doesn't feel she has to follow it when it suits her.

I think it is unfair to suggest that it is somehow normal for travellers to punch babies in the face.

Vynalbob · 15/08/2023 12:34

I agree

I may have been more sympathetic if it wasn't a sustained series of abuse which was seemingly very poorly investigated by SS.
Sometimes SS bend over backwards to 'keep a family together' when a child's safety should be paramount.

I can't see a good point in talking to the papers....I think he's been badly advised (sat least). It won't alter the release date & it will regurgitate the (quite reasonable) hatred that people have with people who abuse or allow the abuse of children.

Don't understand the benefit, unless it's for the £s.

Brighteyes2368 · 15/08/2023 18:12

My mother repeatedly abused, and others to abuse, THREE of her six kids. Then defended her youngest son's actions when it was discovered that he was RAPING some of his nephews.

The woman in the article is JUST AS BAD a person as my mother and I have NO SYMPATHY for such horrible people.

I have suffered over 30 years of abuse from different people and I would NEVER stand around and allow something like that to happen to my son.

Brighteyes2368 · 15/08/2023 18:16

It's just as bad when a child is wrongfully removed from a loving home and put in the care of known abusers (that happened to my son for a year). The social workers even LIED on the paperwork to justify taking my son. I'm not the only non-Christian person it has happened to either.

ChefMike · 15/08/2023 18:36

That's awful @Brighteyes2368, blimey.

On your second post, I don't think social workers messing up and lying is anything new: unpopular opinion but there are useless on so many levels. Those who've worked there, with them, or been a family involved know what it can be like

Elizadoloads · 15/08/2023 18:56

I watched something earlier on Frankie Smith just to try and understand why some have sympathy for her. It angered me so much.. Holding her baby's head under water, bending her fingers back, forcing her to stay awake all night then hitting and filming her for being tired, making her crawl upstairs with a broken leg. Texts to her girlfriend asking how to hide bruises from social services. Absolutely disgusting piece of shit. She knew what her vile girlfriend was doing and she joined in and egged on. She's not a victim and Star would be alive today if she'd picked up the phone and asked her many family members and friends to come and take her baby. Selfish evil bitch.

DysonSpheres · 15/08/2023 19:19

FiveOClockWorld · 14/08/2023 20:36

I wonder if she had a low IQ naturally

What do you mean by that ? Do you mean was it caused by Foetal Alcohol Syndrome as opposed to being caused by a chromosome disorder or some congenital defect? We do know that she was brought up by her grandparents so maybe there were issues with drugs or alcohol. We don't know for sure. If someone lacks capacity to care for their child and protect them from abuse I am not sure if the cause of her learning impairment makes a huge difference. I don't know though as my knowledge on LD is limited. Mental health I do know about but not so much LD.

Yes that's what I meant. I wonder if her mother drank a lot whilst pregnant or like a girl I knew caught meningitis when very young, which resulted in a severe learning delay, or did she have an accident resulting in a brain injury....

I wondered if certain parts of the brain like empathy, reasoning and logic or executive function might be more profoundly affected than others depending on how one acquired it.

With IQ there's a theory you have fluid intelligence and crystallised intelligence. I'm wondering if she had greater deficit in the expression of one over the other or if they were both diminished equally. You could argue that if she had a low IQ and a rubbish upbringing she had very little crystallised intelligence to draw from in terms of children and parenting. What good experiences could she build upon? How could she problem solve?

If you have a less than favourable upbringing, you can can make up for it using your intelligence to learn and observe different ways of doing things. If your IQ were low, and you found it incredibly difficult to learn and extract new more positive child rearing information it would be far harder to do better as a parent, plus young children aren't easy to understand.

I can imagine the frustration must be huge trying to work out what a demanding toddler needs on the hop daily. It calls for intellectual dexterity and lateral thinking at times. And lets me honest, MN is chock full of parents with no cognitive disabilities, who are finding it extremely difficult to cope with rearing young children.

For someone with such limitations, as Star's mum, losing patience and violently lashing out, awful as it is, would be expected. Add a demanding sadistic partner, hurting you, mentally abusing you, and telling you it's because you allow your daughter to get away with perfectly normal things toddlers do, and threatening to leave you, unless you deal with her/him and it's almost inevitably going to end badly.

ULTIMATELY SS let her and Star down. She really ought never to have been able to keep the child without close observation and the mandatory involvement of trustworthy family. She's now in prison for a wholly avoidable tragedy had she had intervention from day one.

The doctors, health visitors, midwives, and ancillary healthcare staff, let them down. I know of several people in real life who weren't even allowed to leave the hospital after giving birth without a confirmed SS visit and they had less confounding issues than Star's mother did. I'm amazed actually, as I know the difficulty some of those people had getting SS out of their lives, and they were ultimately decent parents.

Lemieux7 · 15/08/2023 19:45

Sometimes SS bend over backwards to 'keep a family together' when a child's safety should be paramount.

My daughter's disability social worker used to work in child protection. And she said that because research shows that people grow up with an identity crisis if they're not raised with their biological family, sometimes children aren't removed when they should be.

LovelyIssues · 15/08/2023 19:51

A agree with you. She knew about the abuse. She didn't protect her child. She deserves no sympathy.

Lemieux7 · 15/08/2023 19:53

@DysonSpheres - I completely agree with everything you say, there.

It's true that she shouldn't have been able to keep Star in the first place. She seemed unable to even understand when Star was injured and couldn't walk due to a broken leg inflicted by SB. Her mother complained that she told Frankie to pick Star up when out on a shopping trip but she wouldn't.

It sounds like SB also did a good job of making Frankie feel she needed her because she had a car and started to transport her everywhere and would buy loads of clothes for Star etc.

Lemieux7 · 15/08/2023 19:55

The other issue was that SB was also in another relationship at the same time as with FS and she triangulated the two women.

FS's family told her that SB would ruin her and Star's life but sadly she didn't listen.

Startyabastard · 15/08/2023 20:14

That child must have been so miserable and scared.
It's said that at one point, Star looked like she had depression, as in no joy in her eyes. Vile. It's bad enough to have that as an adult, but no child needs to experience fucking depression.
The part where she was made to walk on a broken leg twisted my guts!

LaDamaDeElche · 15/08/2023 22:02

Missingmyusername · 13/08/2023 08:18

The bruising on that poor child’s face- can you imagine the suffering she endured, the pain.

Sickening.

That picture made me cry. Horrific.

Startyabastard · 15/08/2023 22:04

Frankie Smith's step sister Alicia was in tears because she tried so hard to alert social services to Star's treatment and she now says that she refuses to speak to her despite being best friends before.
The male family member that used to look after Star with what I believe to be with his partner said that Frankie has admitted to being cruel to the baby but never hurt her, but Alicia says she witnessed Frankie slapping her in the face. Vile.

Wenfy · 15/08/2023 22:08

Startyabastard · 15/08/2023 22:04

Frankie Smith's step sister Alicia was in tears because she tried so hard to alert social services to Star's treatment and she now says that she refuses to speak to her despite being best friends before.
The male family member that used to look after Star with what I believe to be with his partner said that Frankie has admitted to being cruel to the baby but never hurt her, but Alicia says she witnessed Frankie slapping her in the face. Vile.

I don’t believe a word of what that family says. My gut feeling is that Frankie was totally unsupported, her disabilities disregarded, and nobody really gave a damned about Star until after she died. If all these people truly alerted social services multiple times there would have been involvement.

Sushibecomesme · 15/08/2023 22:10

Wenfy · 15/08/2023 22:08

I don’t believe a word of what that family says. My gut feeling is that Frankie was totally unsupported, her disabilities disregarded, and nobody really gave a damned about Star until after she died. If all these people truly alerted social services multiple times there would have been involvement.

This is a very naive view. Have you not read similar stories describing multiple attempts to alert SS to children in need? Are they all fake?

Also the family may have given the best support they could, but ineffectually due to lack of expertise.

Summerwashout · 15/08/2023 22:14

@Wenfy

When someone's contacts them it's noted. They definitely did contact ss and nothing was done and unbelievable as that sounds... They manipulated and coerced the sw, perhaps lacking in the fluid and crystal iq mentioned boy Dyson.

Summerwashout · 15/08/2023 22:15

They also took star in, looked after her for weeks and then posted many messages, called sw said "your going to to have another baby p"..
How much more do they need to do

kinkii · 15/08/2023 22:27

I don’t believe a word of what that family says. My gut feeling is that Frankie was totally unsupported, her disabilities disregarded, and nobody really gave a damned about Star until after she died. If all these people truly alerted social services multiple times there would have been involvement.

Biggest load of crap I've heard. Are you quite alright?

The family called 5 times and were ignored and you say they don't care? And that SS did care?

There aren't enough HmmConfused for you. And you clearly haven't ever tried to report anything to SS either. They will not do anything even when they are alerted to physical abuse in some cases

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