To feel this down about early getups

[Itsthemornings]

So we have a nearly 3 yo and newborn. Nearly 3yo wakes at 5 or half four every single day. Thought this might have got better when he dropped his nap but it hasn’t.

Nothing seems to make any difference, and I don’t really understand it as he’s tired but can’t get him back to sleep. It’s always been tough but now with a newborn the level of sleep deprivation is horrendous.

If you had an early waker, when did it improve? I don’t want him to stay in bed until 9 or anything but 6/half 6 would be fine.

@DaisyAndDonaldDuck I think you’re right with lots of children but having tried all sorts of things I can categorically say that my oldest wakes very early even when there have been long periods of time with no screens at all available. I really thought it would make a difference but it didn’t 🫣

I know you don’t want advice but the only thing that worked for me was putting my DD in my bed.

I completely child proofed my room (mattress on the floor, lock on the door, nothing to tip over etc) and turned on cartoons and had some safe toys to play with whilst I napped.
She rarely slept more than a couple of hours a night and as a single parent I had to resort to it.

My DD never slept in until she reached about 13 but I would baby proof her room and she learnt to wake up and just play until I woke up.

Your child is still quite young so if you’re not comfortable with doing it so young then I’d just take in turns with DH getting up early.

I think you need to find a way to get used to it because anything you do is not going to last that long because your other baby is probably soon going to end up doing the same as they get older.

We had this with our ds. It stopped when he was 7. He then slept till 6. I just got used to it. Ds is now a strapping 16 year old who thinks a massive lay in is 9.00.

Is your newborn waking up your eldest by any chance? My DC1 is 5 and before DC2 was born they wouldn’t ever wake up before 6am unless it was an extreme circumstance. DC2 came along a little under a year ago and since then DC1 is awake so much earlier even when the baby isn’t awake! I think they hear us moving around at different points in the night/morning with the baby which kind of disturbs them, even subconsciously.

Before DC2 came along I’d say it was when DC1 got to about 4 that they started consistently sleeping a tiny bit later. Certainly a pre 6am wake up was rather unheard of so don’t give up hope yet! But I do think at upscuttles things for everyone in the short term.

Have you tried an iron supplement or iron containing multivitamin at all (I recommend Floradix or Nature's Aid Iron drops from H&B as non-constipating)? Sounds a bit out there but my now 7 year old woke at 4.30am every day for a year from 6 months onwards. I tried absolutely everything although he was too young for grp clocks etc. Eventually a paediatrican suggested testing his iron levels and they were on the lower side despite eating a good variety of foods. An iron supplement honestly improved things almost overnight, pushing his wake up to about 6am. I now suggest it to everyone with an early riser just in case. It's horrible, I really feel for you!

Youngest was like that, and it was even worse when the bastard clock went back.

I used to give him some warm milk in a beaker, use the bathroom and he might have dropped off for another couple of hours. It helped when the mornings were dark, I guess you haven't got long to wait!

I literally SAY what I’m looking for @reporting4 … I’m wondering when it ends, if it ever does! I have no choice that doesn’t involve outright abuse anyway.

@Goldencup there is no difference between no nap days and nap days. Plus, we do have to sometimes go to places and it isn’t possible to stay at home all the time.

@DaisyAndDonaldDuck (and everyone who thinks I haven’t tried) I’ve tried

1. coming in bed with me but a dark silent room. No joy, he just got up and ran around once bored.
2. going in and trying to resettle him. He got very upset and distressed.
3. just letting him watch CBeebies - fine until he got bored of screens.
4. offering him a drink to try to get him to stay in bed. I remember trying this and went back to bed thinking yesss … and then he started crying.
5. the Gro clock. I am not convinced he understood it at all in fact.
6. offering him snacks before bed - I have but he doesn’t always eat them so …

And earlier bedtimes and later bedtimes and no naps and shorter naps and … you get the picture. I’m not living this way through choice, I don’t really enjoy life but it’s what it is just now.

In less than a decade you will be struggling to get him out of bed. Hang on in there.

@Itsthemornings is there an improvement in the winter? My little larks were marginally better then. They are essentially small mammals who ‘know’ when it’s morning even if the adults don’t agree.

It’s extremely crap and probably the worst period of our very long marriage but it stopped at some point. I guess we were lucky that we could get away with a snooze on the sofa under a blanket while they watched some repetitive crap on video ( I did say it was a long time ago!) and they drank a bottle of milk.

I do remember that sinking feeling at about 9am that no, it isn’t lunchtime yet. And drinking a lot of coffee.

Lastly mine both slept better when they’d napped well. Actually they weren’t even bad sleepers just baby birds disguised as small children.

No improvement @MatildaTheCat , just means I’m sat up in the pitch black! I am actually quite worried that we could end up with 4am as the default when the clocks go back

@Goldencup there is no difference between no nap days and nap days. Plus, we do have to sometimes go to places and it isn’t possible to stay at home all the time

Consistency is the key. If you want to tackle this it will mean some commitment. There must be a " danger time" for him to fall asleep, or time it so you give him a bare 45 minutes. But then push bedtime back. It won't change overnight. I would say if you are consistent you might see a difference in 2 weeks.

This was me. My DD woke up at 4.45 am EVERY day until she was 6. At about 3, she used to walk into our room & prize open my eyelids & ask if I was awake. She did go back to bed & read books, played with Lego, sang very loudly. We’d eventually get up about 6.15 am. So although I wasn’t asleep, between 4.45 am and 6.15 am, I was horizontal with my eyes shut.

When she was about 6, she eventually used to sleep in until about 6 am & then read to herself, but by checking I was awake. She’s now 16 & still wakes up at 6 am. She’s just an early riser, the longest she’s ever slept in is 8 am! Even if she’s up late after a party / concert or sleepover.

Sorry this isn't true I never once had to wake my lark for school. He is 19 and was up before 7 this morning.

Consistency is not the key. Consistency makes no difference. Inconsistency also makes no difference.

Consistency is key for some children.

Anyway. I suppose past a certain age at least they don’t wake the whole house up!

It’s not a stretch to understand that everyone has different body clocks. I was always an early riser. Was just told to watch cartoons until the rest of the world wakes up. Yes during the teenage years I would sleep ridiculously late after staying up until 2-3 am. As an adult the latest I sleep in is 7 am , often waking up before my alarm that goes off at a 4:45.

so to answer your question. It may never end. Happy?

Sounds like you have bigger problems than them waking up early if you flat out can’t parent this child?

I meant to add, I tried all the gro clocks, dropping naps etc nothing worked. She was just an early riser. Once I stopped stressing about it & just accepting it, I did find it easier. She was always able to just nap anywhere & everywhere though. And still can!

Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you.

One thing you mentioned is that he sometimes goes downstairs so one of your obviously has to follow him. How so? Don’t you have a stair gate? He’s still very young. As others have said starting school helps a lot but that’s still a way off. Sorry! I guess consistency for the time being. I do appreciate though it’s a lot harder when you also have a baby to contend with.

Hopefully you are at least sharing the pain with your partner? And you have a newborn so I’m really hoping you are sharing the load.

Hang on in there. Very few children don’t grow out of this and older ones do need less supervision.

“I have no choice that doesn’t involve outright abuse anyway.” Maybe you didn’t mean this to sound the way it does, but if you were my patient I’d be quite concerned by the way you’ve phrased this.

I presume you don’t wake your household up screaming @saltinesandcoffeecups

We do share the getups but it makes no real difference because he’s so loud we both wake!

@sHREDDIES19 he can open stair gates. It was quite dangerous because he’d be wrangling with them and nearly fall down the stairs as a result, so we removed them.

At some point between 4 and 5 years old my early riser was able to a) sufficiently understand/empathise that mommy didn’t want to wake up so early and b) sustain independent play a bit longer so that while she was still waking early, would play for a bit in her room before coming to me. This is where audio books started to be useful, as well as regular books, toys, etc. set up in her room the night before. We would talk about what she wanted to play with in the morning and get it out next to her bed. Initially it was 20 mins or so, but now at 6 will play for hours before getting bored. I made sure mornings with mom were dead boring (not hard when you are dead tired!) and over time she gravitated towards her own entertainment.

She has started waking later now (when I have to get them up at 7 for school she is sometimes just waking), but I think there are plenty of 5-6am starts that I am just not bothered by any longer.

i totally get that a lot of the mentioned strategies aren’t working now - they didn’t work for us either - but children change a lot in 6 months, and respite might be closer than you think.

Have you tried moving bedtime 15 mins later every few weeks? So instead of going straight from 7pm to 8pm, it's a gradual change to his circadian rhythm.

Or try wake and resettle 10 minutes before his usual wake time and see if it gets you by 5am (not sure how easy anyone would find this with a newborn though so understand if you laugh this suggestion off!).

I have nothing but solidarity. Our 3 yr old does similar. Our terrible parenting solution involves shoving her in between us in bed, putting bluey on the tablet, and taking turns to sleep. I am ashamed but equally we both have to survive our working days.

So because I am saying I won’t let him lie in his room crying, or put him somewhere out of earshot (just to repeat, I’m saying I won’t do those things) you’d be concerned?