To feel this down about early getups

[Itsthemornings]

So we have a nearly 3 yo and newborn. Nearly 3yo wakes at 5 or half four every single day. Thought this might have got better when he dropped his nap but it hasn’t.

Nothing seems to make any difference, and I don’t really understand it as he’s tired but can’t get him back to sleep. It’s always been tough but now with a newborn the level of sleep deprivation is horrendous.

If you had an early waker, when did it improve? I don’t want him to stay in bed until 9 or anything but 6/half 6 would be fine.

Thanks @redskytwonight

If I gently roused him half an hour before say 5 he’d just be up at 430 whingeing .

I do get some stuff works for some people but it isn’t bomb proof.

Why is he screaming ?

I just meant that it’s not a choice solely between abusive options and living with it. I haven’t once mentioned blackout blinds or groclocks (neither worked in our family). But there are lots of other ideas that I and others have shared. And mentioning “outright abuse” is a bit of a question mark.

I think the focus needs to be on what he needs when he wakes (not so he’ll go back to sleep necessarily) - physically and emotional needs. If you can meet those needs when he first wakes he might be more willing to play quietly/watch some tv/look at books etc for a bit.

It reads as though he is met with exhausted (understandably) parents who maybe are not as delighted to see him as they might if it was a couple of hours later. My point is that it is always good to think about it completely from the child’s point of view. What needs are not being met and how can you meet them? As many people have said, early waking is common. So strategies to get you through are the best you can do for now.

I think you said he was 2 ? Does he have any words ?

An early riser here too from toddlerhood, I’m sure people have methods but tbh, him getting older. He’ll lie in now till 8 but from around 7 he could go downstairs and watch tv if I settled him with a milk and snack. Up until then… 😬

But what works now might not work in a few months and what didn’t work a few months ago might work now.

But solidarity op, it was hellish. I remember many a winters morn. In the dark and cold at 4:30. And the gro clock did not work.
we got there. As will you.

Second this.

even earlier bedtime? I have a chronic early water. She’s 6 now and averages around 6am but we had 5am for a looooonnng time. Like you we tried it all. Clocks, black out blinds, weetabix before bed, played with the timing of bedtimes. What changed for us was starting school at 4.5. She was knackered and regularly falling asleep at 6pm (or before…!) so we started doing the bedtime routine so she was in bed for 6 and suddenly she started sleeping until at least 6am. I now see anecdotally that the more overtired and overstimulated my children are the greater chance of them waking early and the later the bedtime will guarantee an early wake up 😂

Gro Clock never worked for us, all that did was time sadly.

Much sympathy to you! My eldest was like this. It gradually got later once he turned 4 or so - by the time he was 7 I was having to wake him for school at 7.30.

Be persistent with a clock and a reward. Mine were allowed TV/ipad in the morning if they stayed in bed until "the sun came up" (and I'm usually very controlling about screen time, so that was a big incentive for my kids!)

I started off by setting it really early so he had some "success", then gradually sneaking it later. We got from 4.45 to 6.00 in about 2 weeks-he just had to get the idea that it was physically possible to stay in bed even if he was awake, and once he'd made his peace with that, he often fell back to sleep again.

I tried my hardest not to make a big deal if he did get up early, he just didn't get the screen time reward- his choice.

I understand it’s maddening, OP, but at this point you’re coming across as belligerent. You can’t expect every poster to read every reply - hence the multiple suggestions of gro clock and blackout blinds - people are, in kindness, replying to you with what they’ve had success, so try not to be rude to them. They aren’t doing it to upset you.

You say nothing works - so then yes, maybe nothing will work and you have to accept that this is your kid. Some will have kids that will start to sleep later at X age, others won’t. Perhaps you should focus on finding ways to cope with the early starts instead.

Do you have a partner? Where are they at 5am?

My brother (around 4) used to get up, go downstairs, drink milk and eat dry bread and watch tv. Saved my mums sanity (or so she tells me). She was a bit of a hippy though

Sorry if this has already been asked, but what sort of bed is he in?
Our son was a bit older, closer to 3.5, and we moved him into a single bed when I realised the mattress on his toddler bed was very slack. Coupled with new projector night light and he really started to enjoy bed more. Then reintroduced the gro clock (having given up on it when he was 2) and morning routine suddenly fell into place.

I promise, it will become less of an issue as he gets bigger.
Either he will start waking later, or he will be big enough that "you do not start reading or playing before 5.30, and do not wake Mummy til 6" becomes achievable.

On the plus side, in 10 years time when he STILL wakes at 5 effing 30, you might come down in the mornings to your teen having made waffles and fruit sauce for your breakfast, and a sparkling clean kitchen!

Just nod at the "have you triedblack out curtains, have you tried a later bedtime, have you tried wetabix before bed, it will get better when he starts nursery/school blah blah blah" folk. Some just don't get it.

Aw OP I've read your posts and you sound so tired!! My DS is like this. To be honest it didn't really improve until recently, when he turned 7... I coped by going to bed myself at 8pm, latest by 9pm. Just got to look after yourself whilst it's going on.

I think if you can't control the sleep itself you have to try manage what they do when they get up. I co sleep with my DD often, and the rule is if she wakes up before 6.30am, she can play with her yoto or read books until I get up.

No playdough, breakfast or games before 6.30am!

...in her bedroom (stair gate) and I'm also in the room which is childproofed. Even if I can't sleep you can get some rest.

I don't understand the people saying you should put him with an IPad or CBeebies. You can't let a 2 year old be up alone, someone has to be up with him. If he wakes up the other person because he's so noisy then maybe one can get up and take him for a walk and let the other person get more sleep.

Have you ever recorded his total sleep time over the course of a single week? If he goes to sleep at say 9 pm, wakes up at 5 am, and doesn't nap during the day then he is getting less sleep than the average almost-3-year-old, suggesting that he needs the sleep and is not getting it because of some sort of barrier, internal or external. It could be as simple as a shadow on the wall that is scary. It could be restless legs. It could be anxiety. Who knows. But if he is sneaking in naps somewhere else then you might be able to improve nighttime sleep by preventing him from napping in the daytime. If he sleeps 7 pm to 5 am, then you need to go to bed at 8 or 9 pm so you'll squeeze in your own sleep by the time he wakes up at 5 am.

Thanks to those who get it. @Userhay you keep saying ‘lots of solutions’ like there’s something glaringly obvious I’ve ignored and there isn’t, which is frustrating.

Yes, he has words.

We have a similar early rise - for a time 3.30 was the start of the day. Gro clock didn't work, she just made the owl wake up herself. She still wakes up around 5, but we got her a Yoto player and she just puts one of her stories in (always the same one 😬) and will now stay in her room listening to it until the owl awakes at 6 (still too early for my liking, but like you say, doable). She too can't be doing with tv so we got the Yoto in desperation and found it worked. I think when she learns to read she'll happily stay in her room reading, but until then it's Yoto.

Get a sleep consultant. If your son is tired and cranky when he wakes up then his lack of sleep won’t be helping him any more than it’s helping you. Don’t be a martyr.

LOL. It doesn't get better.

I’m really sorry OP my first DS was also an early riser and never woke up later than 6 o’clock - at the age your DS is now to was the same and 4/5am running into our room every day. I bought him the gro clock and and the agreement was he could read books/play quietly in his room until the light changed on the clock then he could come and wake me up (6am.)

He is now 9.5 and has only very recently (as in the last few weeks) started to sleep until closer to 7 and that’s due to having more late nights with it being the summer holidays. I also have a bad sleeping 7 month old so I feel your pain.

I can understand the sleep deprivation. That feeling when you’ve JUST got back to sleep and hear their door click open and little feet running down the hall ❌❌❌ some kids are just naturally early risers. I learnt to go with it in the end and got so much done in by about 7am I could basically relax for the rest of the day 😂 not possible with a new born though I appreciate! It will get easier as he gets older but in the meantime gro clock is your friend!