AIBU to have felt slightly peeved that a waitress was speaking to my partner in a foreign language that I can’t understand

[Redrose28]

Hi all. I was out with my partner having a meal after a long and hard week. My partner is from a different country and he has another language as his first.

There was a waitress from his country in the restaurant too. When we were sat down, she was next to the table and they were speaking to eachother a fair bit in their language and I obviously couldn’t understand. They were asking where eachother were from etc. Whenever she came past either of them would make little comments in their language. Whenever she came to the table she would speak in his language to him. When the bill came, they spoke in their language too, about what I had no idea.

I was feeling a tad annoyed. What do you guys think of this? Am I justified to feel a tad annoyed? Should I mention it or let it go?

Let it go.

I think let it go.

I'd only say something if it were someone you see regularly (family friend) and they constantly do it when you're there with them, leaving you out of the convo.

I imagine it was just nice for them to speak in their own language for a wee bit. I really couldn’t get worked up over this.

It must have been lovely for him to chat using his own language and speak to someone else that lives here and understands the cultural differences. I don’t get why you are annoyed at that.

Get over yourself.

This absolutely

I think it’s natural to be a bit excited to be able to speak your “mother tongue” in this scenario. The waitress may not come across a lot of people who speak the same language. If your dh has form for flirting with other women or there is some other huge backstory then I think you are one to feel apprehensive but apart from that take it for what it most likely is -novelty and excitement! Side note you could consider learning his language or asking him to teach you phrases words etc

This.

If you were in a different country and met someone else from where you were from, would you still speak in the language you were visiting? Because I know I wouldn't.

You could always start learning his language then this wouldn’t be a problem. If I were married to someone who had another first language I’d want to learn anyway.

I was raised bilingual and on the very rare occasion I bump into somebody who speaks my other language, we speak it! It's very rare I get to.
I couldn't get worked up over this.

That wouldn’t concern me at all. I think it’s completely normal and would be expected.

I think you need to get a grip.

This.
Not their problem you can't speak their language.

My DH is foreign and loves the opportunity to switch into his language when he unexpectedly meets others in this country.

Doesn’t bother me, he’s being friendly and in restaurants/ hotels often results in better service or extras.

You should definitely try and learn your husband's language.

YABU, imagine rarely being able to speak your native language? It must be so nice.

Why don't you make an effort to learn the language? Seems odd that you haven't at least tried so far.

I had a BF who made jokes about me to his brothers in their language (Finnish). It made them laugh and I dread to think what he said. But this wasn't like that. You knew what they were saying - where are you from? etc. YABU. Sorry

As PP said - it must have been lovely for them to meet someone who speaks their language. I would think it was rude if this was an actual friend or family member of his who was meeting with you both, but a waitress in a restaurant I wouldn't think was rude at all - it would probably be more efficient for them both to communicate in their first language and enjoyable to get to speak it for once.

Do you have reasons to feel insecure in the relationship at all? It might be useful if (depending how long you've been together!) you learnt some of his language so in future you'd be able to join in?

If my partner had another language as his first I would make an effort to learn it. YA obviously BU.

Would you have posted if the server was male?

As others have said - what a lovely unexpected experience for them. Don't begrudge them that.

We actually specifically go to a restaurant because I get to speak in my other language to the staff there! My husband loves it.

I have two friends who both speak another language, but when we all get together they both speak English wen I'm around.
On the odd occasion I arrive and they're both chatting away in their native tongue, I think it's nice they have that connection. They immediately switch to "oh hi glad to see you" in English when I arrive and carry on chatting in English.

I'm not bilingual so I find that ability amazing!

Anyway I voted YABU because it's not a scenario where two friends are leaving you out of the conversation. She's literally a waitress, probably has to deal with loads of awful customers or managers who give her crap all day long.

I've just got back from a holiday where I spoke in my second language most of the time while dh picked up the odd word and I translated the gist of it afterwards. So much easier. I'd be very pissed off if he was weird about it. It's not like I went off with people for the day.