AIBU to have felt slightly peeved that a waitress was speaking to my partner in a foreign language that I can’t understand

[Redrose28]

Hi all. I was out with my partner having a meal after a long and hard week. My partner is from a different country and he has another language as his first.

There was a waitress from his country in the restaurant too. When we were sat down, she was next to the table and they were speaking to eachother a fair bit in their language and I obviously couldn’t understand. They were asking where eachother were from etc. Whenever she came past either of them would make little comments in their language. Whenever she came to the table she would speak in his language to him. When the bill came, they spoke in their language too, about what I had no idea.

I was feeling a tad annoyed. What do you guys think of this? Am I justified to feel a tad annoyed? Should I mention it or let it go?

I voted YABU based on your title. Your mother tongue is the language of your country, be grateful for that and don’t begrudge ex-pats connecting with each other.

To be fair, she doesn't say they are married and refers to him as "partner". Which does seem to mean more than "casual boyfriend" and infers a serious relationship.

YABU. I bet you wouldn’t have thought twice if it had been a male server

Out of context, of course YABU and should appreciate he's just happy to be speaking his mother tongue. However you've posted a few times about your partner and it sounds like your frustration here is symptomatic of a bigger set of issues at play. In the nicest possible way, if the relationship is not making you truly happy, you don't have to stick around.

Bit annoying- but the kind of thing, I'd just accept as a one off.

Functioning in your non-native language all the time can be exhausting and there can be a real joy, however short lived, in being able to 'flow' in your own language, and connect with someone else who has a connection to your home.

If she was convincing it with flirtation, or unfriendliness to you, that's different- but I can totally understand th ex temptation to connect in your own language and it's often done without awareness or intention to exclude others....

People having a go (not the ones simply suggesting op learns the language) because Op hasn’t learned his language, make no sense. They may have only been together a few months. As does the dog about English people.

I speak English and French and am trying to learn Greek. Tbh, it’s really hard. I can read it and translate it. I can understand the gist of what people are talking about when they speak it. But trying to recall the correct word etc when speaking it just isn’t happening and I have been learning for almost a year.

Some people struggle with languages. Op could have tried or maybe planning to.

Oh and for the poster who hates English people travelling hoping people speak English, I think that’s unfair.

Not sure the English can win tbh. People get annoyed they don’t learn languages. When they try and learn, it’s quite socially acceptable to take the piss if they aren’t perfect or don’t have the perfect accent.

I know loads of English people who would love to learn language but actually feel nervous of actually trying to speak in another language

You sound very difficult.

I don’t understand why you’d have an issue with this.

Surely you can understand why it would be nice for them to speak to each in their mother tongue.

If you have posted a few times about your partner then why are you still wasting time being with him?

Agreed.
The OP sounds petty and mean-minded to be bothered by this.

Another language you have chosen not to understand, not cant.

Given its your partners first language and you still havent troubled yourself to learn it, im afraid your being unreasonable.

Why wouldn't you start learning it then?

Perhaps you also need to explore cultural differences - I imagine there will be other things that you will get up right about.

Oh I'm surprised at these responses. I think it's rude to speak in a language not everyone understands, when a common language could be used instead. I wouldn't do this.

Capri Sun, sorry I didn’t get your name right but I am using dictation, I live in Greece, and no, it is not my native language. It was my ninth, and very difficult to learn, but people appreciate the effort that you put in, and if they laugh, let them. Many have had to learn English, and when you learn a second language in general, it is quite difficult, not just to get things right, but to think in a second language under pressure… I own a home here, I am visually impaired, and believe me, when I have had workmen over, and I don’t know if something in Greek and I can’t see them fixing my air conditioning wrong, it’s very hard…

Was she pretty? Why haven't you made the effort to learn it yourself?

Huh?

That's not reserved for English people though is it? There's no special disdain for English people trying and failing at foreign languages. Everybody gets laughed at equally! But some countries are better than others ime, the french (for me) are unreceptive. The Poles, otoh, were delighted at my most ham fisted of efforts.

Why would you marry a foreigner if you don`t like foreigners?

Actually with regards to making mistakes that is an essential and normal part of learning a language. You have to accept that you will be shit at it to start with and put the effort in to improve. So yes, being nervous is normal, but you still have to do it.

I have never encountered anywhere it’s socially acceptable to take the piss- other than a mistake making people laugh. They are laughing at the mistake- not me.

All of this goes with the territory- if nothing else it teaches us humility and compassion for those live their lives in a language they’re not fluent in.

Not it’s not reserved for the English. Which is why I said it’s more socially acceptable. Not exclusive to English.

I was assuming English so i apologise for that.

You are being unreasonable. It was just nice for them to be able to have a conversation in their first language.

Yes, learning a language is not a race to fluency. You might as well have fun along the way.

How long have you been together? You say "partner" so it sounds like a committed relationship? Have you made an effort to learn his language? If not, why not?

I think you're being a bit precious tbh. It's completely natural to want to speak in your first language if you're living in a country where it isn't spoken and you meet another native speaker. He is living with a second language spoken around him all the time, surely you can cope with it for one meal!!

And if you really don't like it, then I would respectfully suggest that you're not really cut out for a serious relationship with a different language and culture to your own. A degree of respect, open-mindedness and flexibility is required to make such relationships work.