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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have felt slightly peeved that a waitress was speaking to my partner in a foreign language that I can’t understand

179 replies

Redrose28 · 12/08/2023 11:07

Hi all. I was out with my partner having a meal after a long and hard week. My partner is from a different country and he has another language as his first.

There was a waitress from his country in the restaurant too. When we were sat down, she was next to the table and they were speaking to eachother a fair bit in their language and I obviously couldn’t understand. They were asking where eachother were from etc. Whenever she came past either of them would make little comments in their language. Whenever she came to the table she would speak in his language to him. When the bill came, they spoke in their language too, about what I had no idea.

I was feeling a tad annoyed. What do you guys think of this? Am I justified to feel a tad annoyed? Should I mention it or let it go?

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 12/08/2023 13:18

Tartareistasty · 12/08/2023 13:15

I am surprised no one here finds it tad bit rude to completely ignore one side of the customer's table?
Absolutely all bi/tri/more lingual people I know like to speak theit native langue, myself included, but not when serving customers while ignoring the other and not when it leaves one person in group out (unless as I said:"we will just sort this in our language , that ok?).
I don't think op is that wrong tl be peeved tp be ignored. Even when I understand the" yay own language! "

It's entirely possible she assumed op could actually speak (a little, at least) of her husband's native language and she was being standoffish by not joining in.

Tartareistasty · 12/08/2023 13:23

HarrietJet · 12/08/2023 13:18

It's entirely possible she assumed op could actually speak (a little, at least) of her husband's native language and she was being standoffish by not joining in.

Show quote history

She probably did considering op said she spoke to him, not her, and the partner was supposed to correct that tbh. They were both bit rude. Normally you really don't just ignore one unless you make sure they are fine with it.

Tartareistasty · 12/08/2023 13:24

*didn't

Chickenkeev · 12/08/2023 13:25

HarrietJet · 12/08/2023 13:18

It's entirely possible she assumed op could actually speak (a little, at least) of her husband's native language and she was being standoffish by not joining in.

Show quote history

That made me think. Logically, the woman was just talking. The way we all just talk. She wasn't to know OP didn't speak the language. And the H was just responding in kind which is natural.

EhrlicheFrau · 12/08/2023 13:25

Radiat · 12/08/2023 11:09

I imagine it was just nice for them to speak in their own language for a wee bit. I really couldn’t get worked up over this.

Exactly this.

Also OP, have you tried to learn a bit of your partner's mother tongue?

Cowlover89 · 12/08/2023 13:28

YABU

Original poster
Redrose28 · 12/08/2023 13:31

The waitress knew I didn’t speak the language because she asked me when she first came to the table

OP posts:
cittigirl · 12/08/2023 13:31

I lived abroad for a few years and whilst I'm not fluent, I take every opportunity to speak the language in the UK when I know someone is from that country. Yabu sorry

Mumof2teens79 · 12/08/2023 13:33

Redrose28 · 12/08/2023 11:07

Hi all. I was out with my partner having a meal after a long and hard week. My partner is from a different country and he has another language as his first.

There was a waitress from his country in the restaurant too. When we were sat down, she was next to the table and they were speaking to eachother a fair bit in their language and I obviously couldn’t understand. They were asking where eachother were from etc. Whenever she came past either of them would make little comments in their language. Whenever she came to the table she would speak in his language to him. When the bill came, they spoke in their language too, about what I had no idea.

I was feeling a tad annoyed. What do you guys think of this? Am I justified to feel a tad annoyed? Should I mention it or let it go?

Have you considered learning his language?

PalomaPalomaPaloma · 12/08/2023 13:41

Redrose28 · 12/08/2023 13:31

The waitress knew I didn’t speak the language because she asked me when she first came to the table

OK. But why don't you speak the language?

GandTtwice · 12/08/2023 13:43

Redrose28 · 12/08/2023 13:31

The waitress knew I didn’t speak the language because she asked me when she first came to the table

And if you had said yes she would probably have spoken to you in that language too. She just wanted to know how to talk to you.

Blondewithredlips · 12/08/2023 13:47

Gwenhwyfar · 12/08/2023 11:10

Get over yourself.

This

fluffiphlox · 12/08/2023 13:47

Are you normally this insecure? What do you think they were talking about?

WhatDoIKnowAboutThis · 12/08/2023 13:49

So, I’m guessing she was young and attractive?
Not being an ass, it’s just usually thing bother this much and for this long when the woman is hot (enough).

GenieGenealogy · 12/08/2023 13:55

Why have you not learned his language?

nachdemregen · 12/08/2023 14:04

I remember reading something once that said (roughly) "You've no idea what a joy it is to run in your own language when you've had to stumble in someone else's"

I'm not bilingual but I speak another language fluently. When I lived in that country, on the rare occasion I got to speak English it was a real pleasure.

Chickenkeev · 12/08/2023 14:04

GenieGenealogy · 12/08/2023 13:55

Why have you not learned his language?

Tbh, i can't stand when people are lazy about languages. Make an effort ffs! I despise the the english speaking thing of landing in a country and just expecting everyone to speak english. It's really annoying. Wherever you go, you should make an effort. You might make an arse of it, but in general, people appreciate when you try and will help you along.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 14:05

When you live abroad, it feels soooo good to finally meet someone from your home country and to be able to speak your native language! If you’re that bothered, learn his language!

GenieGenealogy · 12/08/2023 14:07

@Chickenkeev I am lucky in that I am good at languages and it comes naturally to me.

Even if I wasn't, I cannot imagine being in a serious relationship with someone from Japan, or Greece, or Vietnam and not even making the effort to get my spoken skills to conversational level. Not reading and writing if the alphabet is different - just the hello, how are you, isn't it lovely weather we're having sort of general chit chat.

Had the OP bothered to make the effort, she wouldn't be sitting there like a lemon, not understanding.

luckylavender · 12/08/2023 14:08

Absolutely normal to be able to speak your own language. You sound insecure.

Whattodo112222 · 12/08/2023 14:09

I speak another language and I don't often get to speak it. I would've spoken in my language if a waiter spoke to me in it too. I couldn't get wound up about this.

Whattodo112222 · 12/08/2023 14:10

And yes, you could learn!

KajsaKavat · 12/08/2023 14:12

I’m someone with another language, and any time I get the chance I will speak to others in that language. I would bin any date or partner who got jealous about this.

Zwellers · 12/08/2023 14:17

Chickenkeev did you miss that was in the uk not abroad, or did you just want to have a go at English people

HarrietJet · 12/08/2023 14:19

Op is married to someone with a native language she hasn't bothered to learn @Zwellers . It is quite odd.