AIBU to have felt slightly peeved that a waitress was speaking to my partner in a foreign language that I can’t understand

[Redrose28]

Hi all. I was out with my partner having a meal after a long and hard week. My partner is from a different country and he has another language as his first.

There was a waitress from his country in the restaurant too. When we were sat down, she was next to the table and they were speaking to eachother a fair bit in their language and I obviously couldn’t understand. They were asking where eachother were from etc. Whenever she came past either of them would make little comments in their language. Whenever she came to the table she would speak in his language to him. When the bill came, they spoke in their language too, about what I had no idea.

I was feeling a tad annoyed. What do you guys think of this? Am I justified to feel a tad annoyed? Should I mention it or let it go?

Learn the language ? Problem solved .
why would you be annoyed ?

If he didn't understand English and someone in a shop spoke to you in English, would he be annoyed?

Absolutely.

I'm not sure. It would depend on whether they were both just delighted to be able to speak to someone in their native tongue for a while, or if you felt they were purposely trying to exclude you and whether there was a bit of a flirtation going on.

Learn the language.

Let it go. It was probably lovely for both of them to relax into their mother tongue.

When Iived overseas, working as a waitress, I was thrilled when native English speakers came in - it felt like a little bit of my brain just relaxed, even though I hadn't realised it was tense.

Tbf I am bi nearly trilingual, so is dh, only 1 common, and both have worked in hospitality and it is rude to completely switch to language 1 party doesn't understand. It should be mix unless it's pre empted with "sorry we will just chat in ours yeah for a bit". We both do that.

That's not your biggest problem tho if I am not confusing your username with someone else

Seriously? You are that insecure?

She was probably delighted to be able to use her native language and meet someone with a shared heritage. She might be homesick. It is not always easy living in a foreign country.

If my partner started feeing paranoid and ''excluded'' because I spoke a few words of my native language with someone, I would consider losing the partner...deeply unattractive.

um... when you're far from somewhere you grew up it's natural to get over-excited to speak to someone from your own culture. It wasn't about you, OP.

I’m sure we’d have been told if there was any flirtation! It must be such a nice thing to have a conversation in your mother tongue if you don’t often get the chance.

Maybe make the effort to learn his first language. Before I had kids, I had a long term German partner. I tried my best and ended up almost fluent and understanding everything.

His language is a huge part of him. Make the effort.

Well, I think excluding anyone like that is bloody rude.

You can tell the posters who have been foreigners in another country, and the ones who have not.

Why don't you speak his language, that would bother me

YABU and, honestly, coming across as controlling. Even if you were being reasonable, which you’re not, the person you should be annoyed with is your OH, not the waitress.

Imagine if he had an issue with you speaking to a man in a language he didn’t understand???

This

You could learn and then join in next time?

I assume your children will be being raised bilingual and that they will spend some time speaking to their dad in a language you haven’t made the effort to understand?

I’d let it go. It can be really hard always using your second ( or third ) language and having a little chat like at home can really help.

Learn the language if you feel that strongly about it.

I feel bad for your DH. It must have been such a treat to speak his native language, not sure why you would begrudge him that.

Yabu of course. It must be nice to find someone who can speak in your language outside your own country.

Very good point. You'd been given a little insight into your future there, op.
A little like the Ghost of Christmas yet to come. Use it as wisely as Ebenezer did!

I am surprised no one here finds it tad bit rude to completely ignore one side of the customer's table?
Absolutely all bi/tri/more lingual people I know like to speak theit native langue, myself included, but not when serving customers while ignoring the other and not when it leaves one person in group out (unless as I said:"we will just sort this in our language , that ok?).
I don't think op is that wrong tl be peeved tp be ignored. Even when I understand the" yay own language! "

This.

I think YABU. Having lived overseas I know it’s good having conversations or just small talk in your Mother tongue.