Partner out while I'm stuck in the hotel room

[BlueMediterranean]

I could really use your perspective on this. Currently on a short coastal break with my partner and our toddler.

Our little one's bedtime is set at 8 pm, and my partner wants to head out for dinner and drinks afterward, leaving me with our child.

He's willing to bring back food, but I can't shake the feeling that this is a bit selfish.

Am I overreacting, or should I address this? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks!

What’s the plan for the other nights?

Would people really take an over tired toddler to an English pub to watch football at 8pm?

No one’s said the op should stop breastfeeding. But not leaving the room after 7pm on holiday because your 14 month old can’t fall asleep unless it’s in bed with your tit in its mouth is a bit ridiculous. And banning your partner from leaving the room for something to eat and a couple drinks is ridiculous and controlling

Oh my this one has bought out quite the plethora of opinions!

Honestly, relax a little. Nipper won't be harmed by a few later nights, but your relationship may be if this is you take such a scenario.

You said you were getting ready for bed, he clearly just wasn't tired enough. We don't know context - he may be stressed, he may have been waiting months for a holiday, work may be crazy, etc etc... bloke just needed a bit of adult time and a breather for an hour or two. It's not sinister and sure a bit odd to spring super last minute, but come on, everyone is different.

As someone who struggles with being on 'child mode' 24/7 for any given period when on holiday etc (CF here, talking sibling's children) the evening peace is something I'm always desperate for. Different of course, but still, he may have just needed his bit of personal time too.

If you want the same, just ask if he'd mind looking after the little one for an hour or two while you read/bath/have a little you time if it helps balance.

When my DS was little, many moons ago, we couldn’t change his routine. A) he would not fall asleep in a pushchair B) he would still wake up early (or earlier) but then be very tired and it would be a stressful day C) the effects of 1 day out of routine could take 5-7 days to settle again.

I was always envious of others that just said “go with the flow” but it just wouldn’t work for us.

Some kids need the routine a lot more than others, it is easy to judge if you have a more easy going one.

At 14 months they're not really 'making him go to bed', it's just when they need sleep. If I kept my 17 month awake for another 2 hours past bedtime it would be an absolute shit show all through the night and not enjoyable for anyone

No way would dh do this.
We took ds away to Spain for the first time when he was 2.
We had dinner around 6.30/7 then went to the room taking it in turns to do a drinks run to the hotel bar.
Selfish and weird af behaviour imo.

This.

I don't actually think he's being selfish, unless he has form for this? I wouldn't want to be stuck in a hotel room all evening so that a 14mo can sleep. Just put them in the buggy and get on with things, they'll sleep eventually.

I actually really don’t think this is a big deal.. if my husband wanted to go watch football and have a beer I’d quite happily stay in the hotel room, watch films or aimlessly scroll in peace.. but I’d equally get my own time the next day at some point.. a massage/time to wander round the shops alone or just go for a cup of tea in peace.. you are on holiday after all, may as well get some relaxation time 😂

You might be surprised at how many children never settle in buggies

@EvilElsa

nope. She has never mentioned feeling hungry. She was happily getting ready for bed at 7pm/8pm

These comments are saying a 14m old shouldn’t be bf.
the rest I agree with you

After reading the update he just wanted to eats again as you ate earlier in the day, so he wants to grab more food and will bring some back for you. Totally different scenario than most are thinking

That's fucking terrible and my husbands jaw literally dropped open, who the fuck are the 10% saying you are unreasonable.

Repeating from another thread the bar is low for the heterosexual male.

And it really irks me when people say ‘stick them in the buggy and take them to the pub’.

We attempted to do a pub quiz one night with a 1yo, she literally wanted to clamber over the table/us, wriggled around and absolutely would not settle in the pram. Had to call it early and go back to the room where she then cried for an hour as she was overtired. It just doesn’t work for some babies.

Child is asleep and you are in a dark room, not making any noise. It’s hardly the recipe for quality time together with DH. So you go out tomorrow once the child is asleep.
No big deal. Expecting him to stay in tonight is just a misery loves company situation. And next time self cater so you have somewhere to sit in the evening.

Assuming this is real:

You are making a rod for your own back if you have got to the point where you have a child over a year old (14 months = 1 year +) who can't settle himself to sleep without you and your breast.

@BlueMediterranean

this OP! 👆

I can only assume this is a joke? It’s obvious it’s not okay?

But you were getting ready for bed at 8pm! Maybe he just didn’t want to be in bed for the night at that time, it’s totally reasonable.
He would probably keep the toddler up later if it was his decision.
Sitting in the dark by 8pm in a hotel room isn’t much of a holiday.

It only doesn’t work for babies who have normally got rigid routines. So if you are the kind of family who do six part bedtime routines; then baby expects that at night and it becomes difficult to break.

However, if you are generally pretty flexible, then babies are more able to respond to changes in their routine.

One isn’t better than the other; but it’s hardly surprising that a baby who is used to having a flexible routine responds better to flexes in routine than one who has a rigid routine.

You really need him to start pulling his weight on putting your toddler to bed. My DD and her husband took turns from birth so either one of them could put the kids to bed. In this particular scenario you should eat around 6.30-7ish and take snacks back to the room. He isn't single any more.

Don't let yourself be sucked into this routine of only you putting the toddler to bed and letting your DH opt out of parenting.

We used to eat early as a family then have snacks in the evening after DD was in bed. Together. He is pretty selfish leaving you to do it all.

doesnt have to happen this. My son would choose me if I was around and bf until he was nearly 5yo. He would settle down with others perfectly (he went to nursery and not once they called me cuz he’d not settle)