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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner out while I'm stuck in the hotel room

286 replies

BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 20:21

I could really use your perspective on this. Currently on a short coastal break with my partner and our toddler.

Our little one's bedtime is set at 8 pm, and my partner wants to head out for dinner and drinks afterward, leaving me with our child.

He's willing to bring back food, but I can't shake the feeling that this is a bit selfish.

Am I overreacting, or should I address this? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks!

OP posts:
Dontsparethehorses · 11/08/2023 20:49

I don’t get what your plan is. You have to put baby to bed at 8. You then don’t want to go out I assume as you said you were getting ready for bed. I don’t think it’s unreasonable of DH not to want to go to bed then! Is there somewhere you could both sit together in an eve? He pops out and gets food to bring back for you both? Is there a game he particularly wants to watch tonight or will this be the same every night? Is he like this at home?

Original poster
BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 20:49

We got dinner at around 6 (normally is at 7)

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 11/08/2023 20:51

This sounds rubbish for you @BlueMediterranean

I totally get that some babies/toddlers aren't the variety who will go in a pushchair and just fall asleep - mine never would. He needed his own cot/bed.

However, your partner's solution is not fair on you.

Could you have your main meal at lunchtime and then get snacks/takeaway/room service for once little one is asleep?

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/08/2023 20:52

What time were you settling down to bed? Do you sleep with your child, so you have to stay with them?

Some of this is quite unclear. It sounded like he was ditching you and going for a meal leaving you hungry and on toddler duty. Now it sounds like you’ve all already eaten, you and your toddler were turning in together and he wants to get out and have a drink instead of being stuck in the dark all night.

Bumblebee112 · 11/08/2023 20:52

I can actually understand the set bed time and not adjusting it for holiday. Our DS was a nightmare for naps and definitely thrived on routine. The amount of times we went away on trips or longer holidays and tried to battle through an evening out together with a grumpy child was unreal 😅 it just didn’t work for us. We’d take turns trying to finish our food/drink while the other one paced around trying to get DS to settle again in the pram 😅

Difference here being, DH and I both decided that it absolutely wasn’t worth it and from then on we booked hotels with a ‘suite’ option so that we could put DS down to bed as normal and we could get room service/takeaway in the lounge and still have some kind of evening for ourselves.

Your DH is being a twat.

ChrisPPancake · 11/08/2023 20:53

YABU to have such a rigid routine that you can't spend time together on holiday.

steff13 · 11/08/2023 20:54

BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 20:43

We got dinner a bit earlier than normal but not too late and he said he wanted to go out when we were getting ready to go to bed. I'm not hungry but I found very odd that he wanted to go out this late. He also said to have a beer and find a pub to watch sport.

I'm feeling very down, is like he doesn't want to spend time with us.

It sounds like you and the kid were going to bed at 8pm. I wouldn't want to go to bed that early, especially on vacation. If he didn't want to go to bed, what did you expect him to do? Sit in the room?

Proudgypsy · 11/08/2023 20:54

You're being ridiculous. Take little one out with you and let them sleep in the pram whilst you have dinner. Do people seriously run their lives this way?

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 11/08/2023 20:54

If he did it just one night of the holiday then I might let it go, though wouldn't be happy. If he makes a habit of this every night then no way, give him his marching orders.

Illbebythesea · 11/08/2023 20:55

I don’t blame him tbh. His on holiday! Why would he want to sit in a hotel room from 8pm? The baby can sleep in the buggy fine… or just let him/her go wild until they fall asleep. It’s a holiday!

StorminanDcup · 11/08/2023 20:55

Yeah this is a bit weird, on the face of it I wouldn’t have an issue with my partner going out after toddler has gone to sleep, if I wasn’t hungry and I had a tv / iPad and some drinks to keep myself happy - I’d enjoy the peace and relaxation.

However generally my partner isn’t a selfish arse and would only do this if I was completely happy to stay in, and I know he’d be happy for me to go out and have some downtime and dinner etc if he wasn’t hungry. He’d offer the same.

So no I don’t think it’s particularly bad or selfish but it really comes down to the context of your relationship generally.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2023 20:55

I get it's not that fun both of you being quiet in the room so as to not wake toddler.
I would find something good to watch on your phone, then tomorrow after child is sleeping but a nice top on and lipstick and looking great tell him you're off for a few cocktails see him later!

Next trip, discuss expectations in advance - perhaps book a room with balcony so you can have drinks etc together without waking toddler

Selfesteem23 · 11/08/2023 20:55

He wanted to go out to watch the football or similar sport…. If he are at 6 he didn’t need to eat at 8 although like previous you could all stay out a bit later with little one in the pram

Glittertwins · 11/08/2023 20:57

Have your main meal at lunch time and an earlier evening meal so you are back for bedtime? I don't see the point of going away if things are like this!

ShinyYellowTeapot · 11/08/2023 20:57

I wonder if it was because he wanted to watch the football with pints in a pub but mentioned food so it didn't sound overly boozy?

RampantIvy · 11/08/2023 20:57

He sounds very selfish. Does he do this at home as well?

I hope the rest of the weekend is better for you

cruffinsmuffin · 11/08/2023 20:58

I mean the first football match is on tonight so that might have an impact!

Also I'm not sure how practical it is, but as PP have suggested - change the bedtime routine about on holiday?

I wouldn't fancy being on holiday and having to stay in the room being quiet after 8pm, is there absolutely no way you could be out a bit later? Eating at 6pm than back for a bedtime for a baby + the night is done sounds a bit meh.

Brumbies · 11/08/2023 20:58

He sounds a selfish twat, anyone who cared for you wouldn't do that.

Original poster
BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 21:01

Our child is 14 months and only sleeps if is in the boob. Really needs a routine or is a nightmare.

We are in the UK, is just a 4 days holiday, nothing fancy, just to break the routine. Is actually raining and quite cold.

The plan was to be back, put the toddler to sleep and just relax in the room as we want to wake up early and go for a walk.

We got dinner at 6 but he said he was still hungry and fancy a drink.

OP posts:
gothshot · 11/08/2023 21:02

I mean I feel like he shouldn't have gone out to eat without you even if he wanted to, I know my other half wouldn't. However, you are on holiday so I think you need to relax on the routine and just let the little one fall to sleep when they're tired.
We're going away in November and DD will be 7 months. We're planning on not stressing about the routine while we're there and just going with the flow.

Noicant · 11/08/2023 21:03

Thats awful, we are going on holiday with our little one (we can’t have a late dinner because she will have the mother of all meltdowns, just doesn’t work). So our plan is to grab some drinks, snacks and sit on the balcony and actually speak to each other. It’s parent life for some of us, in it together.

What a selfish arse.

newwings · 11/08/2023 21:04

Obviously the child is so much better for routine but equally are you very rigid with it? If it's a joint decision and choice then he is dick for leaving you alone but if it's something you are adamant about and make it a huge deal and won't have any change on then I reckon he is pleasing himself and making a point at the same time.

itsmylife7 · 11/08/2023 21:04

Be interesting in what time he gets back OP.
Isn't there a place in the hotel to get food.?

Katieg27 · 11/08/2023 21:05

Your child doesn’t need to be breasted at that age! Go out with them in the pushchair and enjoy your holiday! Don’t be a martyr op!

boomtickhouse · 11/08/2023 21:06

BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 21:01

Our child is 14 months and only sleeps if is in the boob. Really needs a routine or is a nightmare.

We are in the UK, is just a 4 days holiday, nothing fancy, just to break the routine. Is actually raining and quite cold.

The plan was to be back, put the toddler to sleep and just relax in the room as we want to wake up early and go for a walk.

We got dinner at 6 but he said he was still hungry and fancy a drink.

The baby needs a routine because that's what you've provided. Why not try a sleep in the buggy? Or let them sit up in a high chair a bit longer?

Having said that, dinner at 6/7 is fine. I've known people want to eat at 4pm and spend from 6pm trying to settle a baby in a hotel room. Fastest way to ruin a holiday in my view.

Did you get wine / snacks / whatever you like in for post-8pm chilling? Do you have a suite where you can have the tv on etc?