Partner out while I'm stuck in the hotel room

[BlueMediterranean]

I could really use your perspective on this. Currently on a short coastal break with my partner and our toddler.

Our little one's bedtime is set at 8 pm, and my partner wants to head out for dinner and drinks afterward, leaving me with our child.

He's willing to bring back food, but I can't shake the feeling that this is a bit selfish.

Am I overreacting, or should I address this? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks!

Who chose the venue?

When we went away with our toddler for the first time we tried to stay out late a couple of nights but it made her really grumpy the next day.

After that we both stayed in the room and played games on the balcony or had a few drinks - pretty sure this is what most people would do! Deffo wouldn’t be happy if he went out without me. Would be slightly different if you were in a group but not alone…

Sounds like OH is feed up with life being built around child’s bedtime. Holidays are meant to be a break from the norm. Should have gone out at 5/6 if you really wanted to stick to your routine.
As others have said you’ve built a rod.

Sod that!
either takeaway in together, eat earlier together or take DC in a buggy and eat out together. There is zero justification for him buggering off alone. Why won’t DC settle with him? Does he not do bedtime at home? You need to change things.

Put your toddler in their buggy in recline, all snuggly with blankets etc and all go out to eat. Wtf is he thinking? Wtf are yiu thinking? We took our 2 kids 14m apart everywhere with us no matter where we wrre on holiday, Spain, Italy, HK, Australia, UK etc...!

I think people tend to get the causality wrong with this.

Easy-going babies who can sleep anywhere enable the parents to go out with them - more do than parents who go out with their babies creates easy going babies.

Our NCT group had aspirations to be “ladies (with babies) who lunch” - except the group splintered because some babies could just be left in the pram to fall asleep while mums lunched and chatted and others (including mine!) would simply not. Not for wanted of trying on my part because I had no desire to be the “nap trapped mum” but my baby had other ideas.

Holidays can become a bit boring if you have to be back at the room for an 8pm bedtime. The toddler needs to be put into PJs and a buggy and then you can find a family friendly pub to go out and have a drink in and watch the sport. We did holiday parks when kids were younger and they would love the kids entertainment and then flake out in night if we chose to stay later, or we would sometimes head back not long after 9 but still feel like we had been out. Toddler and baby always woke up same time on a morning no matter what time they went to bed.

They do, but perhaps not for the reason you think. The main reason they recommend breastfeeding to age 2 is because formula isn’t widely available in the majority of the world, sanitation levels are poor for the majority of mothers worldwide, and incorrectly made formula can be very dangerous. Also, the majority of babies are born in countries where vaccination programmes are not universal; therefore breastfeeding may help pass antibodies and immunity from mother to baby. Similarly, it may be difficult for those living in poverty to give their child clean water, so breastfeeding ensures children are hydrated as infants are far more susceptible to dehydration or illness due to drinking dirty water. Also consider calorie intake; it ensures that children have adequate calories for normal development. It also reduces fertility in the mother; reducing the total number of babies who need to be provided for, which is really important given that contraception may be financially or religiously inaccessible.

This isn’t an anti breastfeeding post obviously; but many of the reasons why WHO recommend extended breastfeeding are not as relevant in developed countries.

Absolutely selfish bastard

weve had many crap holidays. Eating dinner at 5/6pm. Bavk to hotel, get baby
to sleep then glass of wine

at 14 months though, baby can fall asleep in their pram!

The reasons hardly matter. Nobody has any business to ridicule a mother who choose to follow a recommendation in place by the World Health Organisation and the NHS (which is only this nation and still recommend breastfeeding to age 2 at least).
breast feeding also has many benefits for both mum and baby, I could ridicule someone who doesn’t want to lessen their risk of breast cancer, type 2 diabetes and more…but I wouldn’t…because that would be nasty. The same thought and care should be taken by others when ridiculing mothers who choose to follow the guidelines and breastfeed.

Stopping breastfeeding a toddler when it is interfering with your life to the extent it is causing relationship issues has benefits too.

"Our little one only settles down with me at night time...." You need to break that, ASAP.

If we stay in hotels my husband goes to the bar/pub and I stay in with the children and get an early night.
two parents sat in silence in a room waiting for children to go to sleep is not fun or productive.
it doesn’t bother me staying in. If it bothers you OP you need to tell him!

I'm a grandma. When we're on holiday with our 2 children + partners and our 3 grandchildren (6, 4 and 10 months) we all dine together at around 6 p.m., maybe 6.30 p.m. Then we bathe and bed the children, and the adults who feel like it sit together in the lounge (or in the livingroom depending on our accomodations) and have a drink or such. I don't think it's normal for your husband to go out on his own for dinner.

We would just either eat early and then go back to the room and sit on the balcony or get the little asleep in a pram if you have one and let them sleep in that. x

Well honestly what a boring repetitive thread. If OP hasn’t got the message now she doesn’t want to. End of.

Well op is obviously happy with her lot …crack on op and I hope you have a great break 🤷‍♀️

OP what is wrong with you?!? WHY are you arranging your day so as to create this problem?!?
You need to be more flexible. Either eat dinner earlier. Or take your toddler out to dinner with you and let him/her fall asleep in the pushchair.
One way or another you have to work out a strategy that works for you all as a family.

You're on holiday, keep your little one up longer and head out together. Breaking your routine won't hurt for a few nights, might even do you good!!

I'd feel sad too. Whilst it's fine to do separate things this feels like him leaving you to it. Maybe suggest snacks and a film for tonight.

So he got two dinners? That's just odd behaviour.

I don’t understand why you can’t be flexible with the child’s bedtime when on a holiday. When my kids were small we’d stick them in the buggy and go out anyway. If tired, they would fall asleep in the buggy. Yes, routine is important, but this is unnecessary.

Very very odd. He got tea at 6 and needed to go for more food at 8? Does he normally have two teas?

Very strange. My DD goes at 8 too...dh, DD and I go out if away to eat at 6 then relax when DD asleep... Can't imagine DH leaving me alone to eat...maybe to pop to get some snacks but not to eat alone

There are a lot of comments saying they can't understand why you don't just keep the baby up really late and take them out in the pushchair - not everybody has a baby/child where you can do this without it being a nightmare for all involved. I would never do this. An hour or so past bedtime maybe but I would still want to be back getting them to sleep so I don't create a problem for myself that totally cancels out the relax and revive nature of the holiday.

I would however always get an Airbnb style holiday home so we could be in a separate room to the baby in the evening so we didn't have to sit in silence.