Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner out while I'm stuck in the hotel room

286 replies

BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 20:21

I could really use your perspective on this. Currently on a short coastal break with my partner and our toddler.

Our little one's bedtime is set at 8 pm, and my partner wants to head out for dinner and drinks afterward, leaving me with our child.

He's willing to bring back food, but I can't shake the feeling that this is a bit selfish.

Am I overreacting, or should I address this? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks!

OP posts:
pictoosh · 11/08/2023 20:37

I dunno...I'm not sure how willing I'd be to stay in in his shoes. Bedtime must be 8 and it must be you. Pretty boring for dh. Just being honest.

thecatinthetwat · 11/08/2023 20:37

Wow, what is he thinking? I’m guessing he’s always like this.

Pandaflop · 11/08/2023 20:37

I mean I can understand going out to get some snacks or a takeaway and bringing it back, but it does seem weird to go out alone for a meal and drinks on a short break. I agree with others though we'd have just taken DS out in a pram so he could sleep if he was tired and had dinner out, or had dinner not long before his bedtime and then had some drinks or whatever to take back to the toom for when he is asleep. If he feels like he wants some time alone (holidays can be quite intense) then that's fair enough I suppose at a push, for me though the best bit of a holiday with a child is time alone playing some games, having a drink and some snacks, watching TV and chatting whilst they're asleep!

TCMcK · 11/08/2023 20:38

No way would I sit in a hotel room from 8pm on holiday. All go out together for a later dinner. You’re being too rigid with your routine. Also you need to sort out the fact that your toddler only settles with you too.

tiredofthenoise · 11/08/2023 20:38

That's not much of a holiday for you, stuck in a hotel room with a sleeping child while he goes off on his own! Holidays are for spending together. He's being selfish.

pictoosh · 11/08/2023 20:38

Stressfordays · 11/08/2023 20:34

Why don't you sack the bedtime off and go out together? There is no way I'd sit in a hotel room from 8pm on holiday. Mine have all just stayed up and flaked out when they were knackered.

100% this.

pictoosh · 11/08/2023 20:39

TCMcK · 11/08/2023 20:38

No way would I sit in a hotel room from 8pm on holiday. All go out together for a later dinner. You’re being too rigid with your routine. Also you need to sort out the fact that your toddler only settles with you too.

And this too.

Oftenaddled · 11/08/2023 20:39

Do you mean he is going out and is happy to bring back food for both of you? Or he's going out and will bring food for you later, after eating.

It depends what you're doing about the baby really. If it will only settle for you and you'd have to sit in silence because it's a light sleeper, and there's nowhere nearby - then his plan looks sensible.

But if you could both eat in the room together, you should do that. And if there's somewhere near to eat and baby really wouldn't settle down for him, you should take turns - it won't be the end of the world if he's (literally) left holding the baby while you eat.

It is reasonable of him to want to eat after eight. It is reasonable of you not to want to spend every evening alone in silence. This seems like something you can work out together.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/08/2023 20:40

His plan is for you to have a shit holiday and him to have a brilliant one?

OK.

Options are early dinner and snacks back to the room, or eat late with DC in a pram, or take turns and suffer the child being a little unsettled (good practice), or room service.

You having a shit time while he has a laugh isn't.

Safxxx · 11/08/2023 20:41

As its a break for both of you then you both should do things together ❤️
Your obviously upset, you should have told him either we go out to eat together or we get some takeaway...
If you can't change your child's bedtime to go out tmro then either arrange a early dinner or get a takeout.... Put your foot down this should be a break to enjoy not stress

Boomboom22 · 11/08/2023 20:41

But were you not going to eat again? If the child is so small as to need a bedtime and mummy just take a buggy and stay out together. Or go self catering with a bedroom! Can you get room service? I need 3 meals a day tbh 🤣

Lavender14 · 11/08/2023 20:42

Have you had a disagreement over the bedtime? When we took our wee one away we just brought him out with us and he had a later nap which he'd never have at home. Sometimes he slept in his pram and we used a snoozeshade to make it darker for him. He went back to his normal routine when we got back after a few days.

I'd either eat together earlier/ push bedtime back/ scrap the bedtime and go out all 3 of you and add in an extra nap just for the holiday. When our son went down in the hotel room we would have had a few drinks in the room and played cards etc but we'd have been getting in around 10pm rather than 8.

Original poster
BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 20:43

We got dinner a bit earlier than normal but not too late and he said he wanted to go out when we were getting ready to go to bed. I'm not hungry but I found very odd that he wanted to go out this late. He also said to have a beer and find a pub to watch sport.

I'm feeling very down, is like he doesn't want to spend time with us.

OP posts:
SweetAndSourChick3n · 11/08/2023 20:43

That seems really weird to me. I would assume, if you want to stick to the bedtime, it would be nicer to eat as a family at 6:30ish so the baby could go to bed at a normal time, or put the baby in the pram to sleep then head out to find some food.

Or, as we used to do on holidays, adjust baby's nap times during the day to push bedtime later and go out for dinner together at 8ish.

Crunchymum · 11/08/2023 20:43

Is this your first night?

Whay was discussed previously? (I would imagine with such a rigid routine one or both of you would have discussed how best to make the 8pm bedtime work?)

At ab absolute push I'd have agreed to DP going out for a pint or two whilst I got the little one to bed, but he'd return with a take away and wine and we'd have our evening in the room.

Sirzy · 11/08/2023 20:44

BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 20:43

We got dinner a bit earlier than normal but not too late and he said he wanted to go out when we were getting ready to go to bed. I'm not hungry but I found very odd that he wanted to go out this late. He also said to have a beer and find a pub to watch sport.

I'm feeling very down, is like he doesn't want to spend time with us.

what time did you have dinner? That is a key point in it all

USaYwHatNow · 11/08/2023 20:44

Hmmm. Tricky.

We went AI recently with our (aat the time) 9mo son. His cranky/bed time was at 6-7pm. AI dinner started at 6pm. No room service.

We ended up battling through dinner together, putting the baby to bed then having snacks/drinks on the balcony with something on the ipad.

No way would he have dreamt of ditching me to deal with that on my own. I did offer for DH to go and have dinner on his own but he said it wouldn't be fair, so stayed.

DuploTrain · 11/08/2023 20:46

Me and DH take it in turns to do bedtime, so DS doesn’t have the option of only settling for me. Of course if he’s used to you, he will only settle for you. Being on holiday isn’t the best time to start but it’s worth considering for when you get back.

We would have an early dinner and then have some wine and snacks in bed watching tv together probably. Not the most exciting, but that’s life with a toddler.

I do think him going out and leaving you sat in the hotel room alone is pretty selfish, to answer the question.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/08/2023 20:47

'Bout time the child's father learnt to put his child to bed then isn't it?!?

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/08/2023 20:47

Also, how old is DC and why won't they settle for him?

6 weeks and BF to sleep is different to 2 years and he's never bothered trying.

HerMammy · 11/08/2023 20:47

You're on holiday, the bedtime can be relaxed, so did you think it'd be dinner and 8pm bedtime then just sit in the room? not much of a holiday tbf.
When mine were little we always went out in evening and let me doze off in the pushchair when they were ready.

PeloMom · 11/08/2023 20:47

Take turns. Tomorrow he settles your kid or you go once kiddo is asleep and he stays behind.
I tell my DH he can go while I do bedtime routine if he wants but once kiddo is asleep it is my turn to go out and about. Works for us.

Caprisunny · 11/08/2023 20:47

BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 20:43

We got dinner a bit earlier than normal but not too late and he said he wanted to go out when we were getting ready to go to bed. I'm not hungry but I found very odd that he wanted to go out this late. He also said to have a beer and find a pub to watch sport.

I'm feeling very down, is like he doesn't want to spend time with us.

Yet another thread that could go either way.

If you both greed the plan to be back at the room for 8pm and eat in the afternoon then he is being a dick.

If you, unilaterally, decided that you had eaten enough after eating at 2pm, that the child’s routine couldn’t be disturbed and that you had to be back in the room at 8pm regardless of him wanting to eat again or actually do something….then I have more sympathy for him.

1037370E · 11/08/2023 20:47

Football is back......?

Is it always like this OP? You staying at home while he goes out?

Silvers11 · 11/08/2023 20:48

BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 20:43

We got dinner a bit earlier than normal but not too late and he said he wanted to go out when we were getting ready to go to bed. I'm not hungry but I found very odd that he wanted to go out this late. He also said to have a beer and find a pub to watch sport.

I'm feeling very down, is like he doesn't want to spend time with us.

@BlueMediterranean So you were getting ready to go to bed yourself as soon as the baby was settled? Have I understood that correctly? That's unreasonably early surely? Can understand he wanted to go out for another hour or two. Are you in the UK? It's not even 9pm yet here? What time is it where you are?