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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner out while I'm stuck in the hotel room

286 replies

BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 20:21

I could really use your perspective on this. Currently on a short coastal break with my partner and our toddler.

Our little one's bedtime is set at 8 pm, and my partner wants to head out for dinner and drinks afterward, leaving me with our child.

He's willing to bring back food, but I can't shake the feeling that this is a bit selfish.

Am I overreacting, or should I address this? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks!

OP posts:
Stickworm · 11/08/2023 21:07

This is one of the reasons we actually try to avoid hotels now at all costs and get somewhere with separate living/sleeping spaces so once kids are asleep we actually have somewhere to sit in the light and not have to whisper 🤣 I feel your pain OP both my kids only want me at night time. If we do have to stay in a hotel I actually send my husband out now as he gets in the way! But usually just for a wander/to the shop, he wouldn’t go off for hours for dinner and drinks. I understand how that just make you feel terribly alone and it’s unfair.

boomtickhouse · 11/08/2023 21:08

Katieg27 · 11/08/2023 21:05

Your child doesn’t need to be breasted at that age! Go out with them in the pushchair and enjoy your holiday! Don’t be a martyr op!

This.

It's a lifestyle choice you've chosen. Yes is trendy now, yea lots of people co sleep forever and all the earth mother stuff.

And that's fine if you enjoy it. But the flip side is you're stuck in a hotel room with an inflexible baby and can't have a break / change things up.

If you always do what you've always done, nothing will change.

Dixiechickonhols · 11/08/2023 21:09

No it’s odd.
All go out together to eat then back to hotel.
You need to get him used to putting his child to bed. Start a hobby a few nights a week or just go out.

Holidaystress11 · 11/08/2023 21:09

I agreed until I saw uour other messages.

To be honest I have 4 kids and I understand the routine. But ti have such a rigid routine that you can't do anything past 8pm is not good for any if you.

Your holiday is only 4 days, go and enjoy it. If its yourself who wants to stick to the routine and not him then I don't think you can begrudge him one evening. He obviously wants to watch the football and you where planning on sleeping. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this.

14 months is young but and they can sleep in the buggy. If you need to breastfeed I would breastfeed then transfer to the seat turned to a flat or as flat as possible position and then rock to sleep if needed.

thenightsky · 11/08/2023 21:09

but I found very odd that he wanted to go out this late

8pm isn't late Confused

Mumdiva99 · 11/08/2023 21:10

My husband would want to eat again (not interested in drinking). But would happily pop out for food. 7pm bed wouldn't interest him. He would happily bring me food back too.

We also go self catering as hotels don't suit us!

Growuppeople · 11/08/2023 21:10

Why does your kid need to go to bed at 8? Your on holiday!

Rosscameasdoody · 11/08/2023 21:10

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/08/2023 20:35

@EvilElsa

OP has never said that she is actually hungry though has she

Show quote history

We got some food in the afternoon but he says is too many hours without eating so he really needs to go out and eat something after 8, otherwise he will be hungry at night.

So you don’t think this applies just as much to the OP ?

Gnomegnomegnome · 11/08/2023 21:11

Do you really think that that is what he is doing?
Has he done anything like this before?

NEmama · 11/08/2023 21:11

Put child in pushchair and go with him.
What a strange set up.

Chickychoccyegg · 11/08/2023 21:13

If this was a joint idea, he's hot a cheek, if this is your idea, I see his point, it'll be a long boring night sitting in the room
If it were me, I'd pop dc in a buggy now, all snuggled up and go and meet him

Snapsnap1 · 11/08/2023 21:13

He wants to watch the match. There's a massive game on tonight that I'm currently being subjected to! Think you're being a bit OTT. What's he supposed to do if you're co-sleeping at 8pm?

Unless there's a massive backstory of generally prickishness it's fine.

steff13 · 11/08/2023 21:14

Rosscameasdoody · 11/08/2023 21:10

We got some food in the afternoon but he says is too many hours without eating so he really needs to go out and eat something after 8, otherwise he will be hungry at night.

So you don’t think this applies just as much to the OP ?

Show quote history

Not based on this, no.

Tigger1895 · 11/08/2023 21:14

It really isn’t a break from the routine for you though is it? You are still feeding, so reduced in your ability to enjoy anything outside the normal evening routine. I’m going to guess that he has a night out weekly and thinks because he’s on a 4 day break, he’s entitled to 4 nights out.
Is this the case?

Fiddlerdragon · 11/08/2023 21:15

Rosscameasdoody · 11/08/2023 21:10

We got some food in the afternoon but he says is too many hours without eating so he really needs to go out and eat something after 8, otherwise he will be hungry at night.

So you don’t think this applies just as much to the OP ?

Show quote history

The op’s literally said she’s not hungry and wants to go to bed.
Apparently that means her oh is not allowed to get something to eat and must go to bed too. The op is unable to go out with him, or indeed without him as she’s decided her 14 month old child needs to be breastfed to sleep instead. I wonder if her oh agrees with her parenting method, or if he’d prefer that she’d stick the child in a pram and actually go out with him like normal couples do on holiday

Ridemeginger · 11/08/2023 21:16

First match of the EPL 23/24 season started at 8. He'll be in the pub watching this.

AdoraBell · 11/08/2023 21:16

Unbelievably selfish IMO.

Stickworm · 11/08/2023 21:16

Your child doesn’t need to be breasted at that age! Go out with them in the pushchair and enjoy your holiday! Don’t be a martyr op!

what a bizarre thing to say about something the OP didn’t even ask advice about. The world health organisation recommends breastfeeding for minimum 2 years and beyond, up to any age mother or child wants to stop. But I’m sure you know better 😑

XelaM · 11/08/2023 21:18

Why don't you take your kid in a buggy with you to dinner? That's what I used to do with my daughter when she was little. She used to sleep in the buggy next to our table. Don't be a martyr and stay in.

EasterIssland · 11/08/2023 21:19

boomtickhouse · 11/08/2023 21:08

This.

It's a lifestyle choice you've chosen. Yes is trendy now, yea lots of people co sleep forever and all the earth mother stuff.

And that's fine if you enjoy it. But the flip side is you're stuck in a hotel room with an inflexible baby and can't have a break / change things up.

If you always do what you've always done, nothing will change.

Show quote history

Who says the baby doesn’t need to bf? Also why turn this thread into a bf against thread?? My son was nearly bf until he was 5yo. We travelled loads with him during that time , we just relaxed the routine a bit. Some nights he would fall asleep on my breast , I’d put him on the pushchair and his dad and I would have a few drinks outside. To be honest , whilst what he’s done is selfish I would feel also a bit annoyed if I went on hols and had to be locked in a room by 7pm.

strawberrymullercorner · 11/08/2023 21:20

Did you not discuss how you'd be spending evenings/dealing with your child's sleep when you booked the holiday?

Vitriolinsanity · 11/08/2023 21:20

He needs to word his point better. He wanted to pop to a bar on his holiday to have a pint and watch football.

You need to think about whether your vigilance to the routine is worth breaking up a bit whilst you're on holiday.

Holidays with wee people is tricky, but it's not home so it's ok to throw the rule book out for a couple of days.

Hankunamatata · 11/08/2023 21:21

I was yabu but are you going to bed too at 8pm?

Hmindr68 · 11/08/2023 21:22

The vote doesn’t seem to match the comments.

i also think that if the plan is to “relax in the room” for all 4 nights of your holiday, then you DH is reasonable to want one night of beer and sports

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 11/08/2023 21:22

BlueMediterranean · 11/08/2023 20:32

Our little one only settles down with me at night time so I can't do the same.

He went on his own.

We got some food in the afternoon but he says is too many hours without eating so he really needs to go out and eat something after 8, otherwise he will be hungry at night.

Sounds like an amazing opportunity to crack that problem. F off out tomorrow night by yourself until at least 10pm with a book and make sure you switch your phone off