How normal is it to pack your partner's bags?

[BathtimeBedlam]

I feel hard done by in that in my house I pack all the bags for me and the kids and DH does himself. This is also true for laundry etc. I do me and the family and the bedding etc, he looks after himself.

Recently he went on a stag do and he told me he was the "most modern man" there as the mens wives had packed their bags for them, despite not even going on the trip. So he felt he had bragging rights that he managed to pack his own 2 day trip bag.

Is this a common thing? He said my expectations were too high and that behind closed doors women were still packing, washing, and ironing the blokes stuff as well as their own and the kids.

Wanted to see what the women on MN think!

DH sorts all his own stuff out, packing, food etc (for travelling). We each have our different jobs around the house and some we share. He’s an adult; I wouldn’t dream of packing a lunch or his clothes , or putting his stuff away.

I do know many grown women who seem to think they ‘have to’ do that stuff for their men though, ‘because they’re a man-child’ and would just ‘get it wrong’. I agree we often seem to make the rod for our own backs. Think it’s called Learned helplessness.

Not in a million years would I pack DHs bag. I would find that terminally unsexy and ridiculous and pathetic. How infantilising.

We once went away with his parents in the uk for a few nights. DH forgot all his tops. (Forgot to pick them up from door handle) His mum thought it was my fault as I should have packed them for him. I've never packed for him!

when in uk we all do our own bags. DS is 11 and I've not even checked his for a couple of years.

when going abroad, we all assemble what we're taking on the bed, I tick everything off as he puts in the cases/ we also spread pack so don't take a case each,

I thought packing meant sticking stuff in the case, as in physically packing it, not choosing all the stuff that goes in it

Agree.

I actually enjoy it because I like seeing how much extra space I can make in a small suitcase for all four of us to use.

DH will pack if he's going away himself but for a family holiday he selects his own stuff and then I physically pack it in the case. I also select and pack everything for myself and our two young DC. It's a part of the pre-holiday routine that I quite like doing. I also put a spare change of each person's clothes in each suitcase in case one goes missing! That's not something he'd think of doing!

I don’t think cleaning the house is comparable to choosing someone’s clothes for them everyday on holiday.

Thats about autonomy and choice.
Chores are about keeping a household and clothes clean.

I mean if your DH has just 7 shirts, 7 pairs of trousers and 7 pairs of shorts then maybe…

Why can’t he put the stuff in the case if he’s already picking it out? What’s stopping you from suggesting he might want an extra outfit, and leaving him to decide for himself?

I honestly can’t understand what any of this achieves.

Prize for the best analogy!

🫡

I think there are probably a lot on men on holiday walking around thinking WTAF do I look like, and discreetly pulling their boxers out their arses 😂

If DH asked me he would genuinely get fancy dress to wear everyday. Problem sorted.

Wouldn't dream of packing.for DP because he's a grown man who can select and pack his own clothes.

My DS is 8 and does his own packing, I suggest how many pairs of socks/pants/tops/trousers he may need and he goes through his drawers and selects what he wants and packs it.

Packing is boring, why would anyone want to do it for someone else? The whole "woman packs for the useless man" thing is just bizarre.

Now imagine asking him to pick my 7 top favourite pairs that don’t ride up the arse or rub, for a week away.

My husband’s pants are all the same. I doubt he can tell one pair from another, let alone have favourites.

Why does it matter to you if i do a job that I enjoy that also helps my DH out a little? Can he pack himself? Absolutely. I'm not checking what he's packed. I'm just organising it in a suitcase .

Never packed his bags. Frequent work trips and I wouldn't dream of it. Ridiculous.
I did used to do the children's. And it was a happy day when early teens they started doing their own

@TheWorstWeek are you going to teach your DC how to pack when old enough or always do it for them?

I think things like Scouts are good for this sort of thing as they have to be able to sort their kit out by themselves

My husbands are all the same as well couldn’t give a toss which ones I pack

I simply don’t understand how the act of moving stuff from a pile into a case is something that needs anyone else to get involved, it takes seconds, it’s not a big task that anyone should need help with.

He manages to put it in his own bag?!!!!
Hilarious!

I’m a woman married to a woman and these threads absolutely baffle me!
Not in a million years would we pack for each other, or would I make DW her lunch or do all her laundry etc.
Some women appear to be stuck in the role of PA or mother to their husbands/partners and I just don’t see how or why anyone would treat an adult like another child, or be expected to.

Our DC - boy and girl- have been doing their own packing from about the age of 8 ( although we double checked when they were little that the essentials were in ) and if they forgot their favourite top or enough pants etc that was on them and they had to deal with it!

DH sorts out what he wants to take and I pack it as like @Silvers11 we spilt everything between 2 bags in case one goes astray.

I do most of the cooking and laundry but dh does pretty much all the DIY and house/car maintenance which has saved us a fortune over the years.

Wow, no, he's my husband not my son. If dh found put his mate's partners packed their bags for them he'd rip the piss out of them, that's ridiculous. I'm sure these men manage to function just fine at work in their own?

Dh has always packed for himself - I find it weird that a grown man wouldn’t.

An ex colleague told me she always ‘had to’ pack for her dh, because otherwise he’d forget something vital, very grumpily have to replace it locally, and blame her. And he was in a job which meant postings overseas now and then, so it wasn’t just holidays.

Dh used to travel a lot for work and still has packing down to a speedy fine art - and will still only ever take a cabin bag, no matter how long he’s going for.

If just dh was going somewhere he'd pack for himself. If it's a family holiday though he brings me what he wants and I pack it.

Holiday luggage for 5 people is best handled by one of us because as soon as multiple people are involved it gets confused and messy and there's a risk of forgetting something. Dh is also very much a 'hmm, 10 days in Turkey? Four t shirts and two shorts should do it' type person 🙄so I wouldn't leave the dc's to him.

In fairness, he does mostly everything else - sorting and cleaning the car, dog arrangements if she's not coming, tickets, passports, money, travel timings, bags with snacks or whatever. So he pulls his weight.

DH got irritated and said "yes lots of women do things like that still"

And lots of men let them, apparently? Do they not have the use of their own arms?

Never packed a bag for DH in 33 years of marriage.