How normal is it to pack your partner's bags?

[BathtimeBedlam]

I feel hard done by in that in my house I pack all the bags for me and the kids and DH does himself. This is also true for laundry etc. I do me and the family and the bedding etc, he looks after himself.

Recently he went on a stag do and he told me he was the "most modern man" there as the mens wives had packed their bags for them, despite not even going on the trip. So he felt he had bragging rights that he managed to pack his own 2 day trip bag.

Is this a common thing? He said my expectations were too high and that behind closed doors women were still packing, washing, and ironing the blokes stuff as well as their own and the kids.

Wanted to see what the women on MN think!

If a man can't work out how many pairs of socks and underpants he needs on a trip away he shouldn't be going away.

My 11 year old packs her own bags, so I certainly wouldn't pack my partner's!

I do somehow seem to have become responsible for packing the majority of the joint stuff we need when we go travelling (food, bedding, stuff for the dog etc) which is frustrating enough - not that I mind doing it, but it does then feel like my fault if something is missing, as inevitably it always is because it's hard to anticipate every single thing you are going to need..... Neither of them blame me if stuff is missing to be fair, but I would still rather they helped, or at least checked it for me!

As for packing my partner's bag - I wouldn't want the responsibility aside from anything else! I guess I'd do it if we had to leave in a hurry and he was unavoidably delayed getting back home beforehand or something like that, but it would make me slightly uncomfortable (for the reasons mentioned above).

I do sometimes give him a verbal reminder about stuff he's forgotten in the past (he often forgets his book, for example) - but no more than that....

And I have a tendency to be overly "mothering" towards men in my opinion! So I seriously question that there are loads of your husband's friend's partners doing all this bag packing......

My DH does the cooking while I'm left doing laundry, cleaning the toilets, etc. He says it evens out but he is enjoying spending hours perfecting the latest Jamie Oliver...I am NOT enjoying scraping shit off the loo.
I would rather clean the loo every day for the rest of my life than be responsible for cooking. Not even the cooking, the thinking about it and deciding and planning. Food related stuff is a mental chore as well as a physical one. Cleaning the bathroom and laundry is just physical so I still feel I've got by far the better end of the deal.

Never packed a bag for him. Once brought him a suit cross-country for his dad's funeral, but that's it. Don't buy any clothes etc for him either. He's perfectly capable and actually younger than me.

I have never ever packed for DH ! I pack for myself and kids. I do enough. If a grown man can’t pack his own bag thats his problem.

Fuck that shit.
But yeah, based on MN it’s depressing common that women think they are maids 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why would I be packing my DPs bag?

I know that sounds like some sassy MN response but absolutely no. I do my bag and the DC clothes. We jointly do toys and misc. items. He does his own packing. I do not want to have a conversation about what he does/n’t want to take when he can just do it himself.

My DH packs his bag when doing business trips and car journeys but I do occasionally pack our bag when going on plane trips because I hate checking bags in (DH always wants to check a bag) and rather have carry ons knowing where our things are, less chance of theft and not having to deal with waiting to get our luggage especially with children in tow, one being autistic with noise sensory issues.

DH didn’t really get it until we came back home from a trip with our sons and someone took our suitcase by mistake and we found theirs. We reported it and had them contact the passenger who took it. They were able to do so and delivered our suitcase to our home about five days later. Thankfully we were coming home and not arriving into a foreign country.

What is he trying to achieve with the conversation? That's what I'd be the most baffled by.

No way! I don't pack my adult husband's holiday bag for him 😂

I don't do his ironing either.

I remember my mum used to get up at 4.30am to make my dad's packed lunch when he was on early shift.

My husband works shifts and fuck that for a game of soldiers!!

I'll do his washing though when I'm putting a wash on, but if he's home and does the washing, he will wash my stuff too. It's just whatever is in the basket.

Our DD is nearly 15 so also packs all her own stuff for holidays etc., So why couldn't a grown ass man.

None of my sisters would pack their husbands stuff 😂.

Maybe cos our dad was a chauvinistic pig and we seen me mum practically be his slave, we were all like, fuck that!!!

For business trips away, Dh packs his own bags.

For major holidays, joint effort, as he works full to expand I work part time do it’s easier for me to sort stuff out. For example, I sorted out the little stuff, socks, toiletries etc and put some stuff out for him and then left it up to him. Big mistake, as instead of selecting what he wanted, he packed everything! So he had twice as much clothes as needed.

My partner would feel like a twat if I packed his bags for him to go away. He’s a fully functioning adult and finds men like his father, who take pride in not cooking, cleaning, parenting and leaving everything to their partners, an embarrassment.

I’ve been a SAHM since our children were younger so if he was working right up until we went away, I’d sort the kids. He’d usually have a few days off before we went away though so he was as likely to sort the kids stuff out as I was.

How are you supposed to know what he wants to take ? Or is the idea that you decide for him ?

Bizarre

@whereismyenergy agreed. Where is he coming from ?

Never, ever considered packing for my DH in over 30 years of marriage .. when we met he worked overseas a lot, loads of travelling, also an ex Scout Leader so of course he knows how to pack. And actually he has always done all the 'admin' & sorting for holidays ... maybe I am just lazy? I never research holidays or travel, to be fair I am not that interested in holidays so if they don't happen I wouldn't be disappointed but I hate the faff of booking tickets etc.
I'm not sure it's a generation thing either, my DM is over 90 & never packed for my DF.

I know someone who packs her husband's bags and does everything for him. I find it rather infantilising.

DH has a packing list. He has a lot of medications and medical equipment so it is essential that he doesn't forget any of it.

No I would never pack DHs bag. How would I know what he wanted to wear?!

I’ve never done it because why would I pick the clothes he would be wearing on holiday? How would I know what he wanted to wear each day, what his favourite pants or socks are. It’s weird.

Brother in law once demanded to know where his shorts were and sis in law had to apologise for not packing them….

I pack the kids but that's probably because I'm more in tune with what they like etc!

I'd never pack form him

Does the ironing himself too.

I have never packed a man’s bag, except once when DP was rushed into hospital from work! He also does all his own washing.

How are you supposed to know what he wants to take ? Or is the idea that you decide for him ?

Bizarre

In my in-laws case, my MIL actually buys all my FILs clothes too, and decides what he wears most days and what he takes away with him. She thinks that makes her a proper wife and he takes pride in doing fuck all for himself. 🤯

My husband is an adult, I am not his butler neither am I keeper of all things so he can pack his own sodding bag.

I hope any of the wives who pack their husbands bags are not on here moaning about their useless husbands because they bring it on themselves!

I had this conversation with my beautician the other day as we were both going on holiday. She couldn't believe that I don't pack dh case for him. She packs for her partner so she can make sure he's wearing things she feels are fashionable whereas I think that's dhs call to make and I'd hate him to be picking my clothes out for me. I think it's really common but I don't see why any man would expect it

😫

I always get Dh to leave out everything he’d like to take, then I reduce the amount of t-shirts and add the rest of the stuff he’s forgotten.

i don’t do it when he goes away with mates as when he forgets stuff with them, it only impacts him. Whereas when he forgets stuff with me, it spoils at least a day of our holiday as he’s so big that you can’t just buy stuff for him for the hotel shop and we waste time roaming around trying to find things which fit.

and yes, he could go by himself, but then he won’t find anything and we waste two days of the holiday.