How normal is it to pack your partner's bags?

[BathtimeBedlam]

I feel hard done by in that in my house I pack all the bags for me and the kids and DH does himself. This is also true for laundry etc. I do me and the family and the bedding etc, he looks after himself.

Recently he went on a stag do and he told me he was the "most modern man" there as the mens wives had packed their bags for them, despite not even going on the trip. So he felt he had bragging rights that he managed to pack his own 2 day trip bag.

Is this a common thing? He said my expectations were too high and that behind closed doors women were still packing, washing, and ironing the blokes stuff as well as their own and the kids.

Wanted to see what the women on MN think!

My mother packed for my father (both born in the 1920s). I never packed for my husband. I did pack the kids.
I can't see why you'd want anyone else to pack for you.

DH packs for himself usually - the only time I get involved is if we are sharing a big suitcase then he puts all his stuff in a pile and I pack it all. Just because I prefer to, I'm better at getting stuff folded up nicely and making the most of the space.

Not a chance I would pack for him. I'd lose my mind having to do that.

I hate packing for myself.

From a young age i taught the children how to pack. Underwear/socks for ever day, pjs, outfit for every two days, plus and extra, 2 pairs of shoes,toothbrush and a jacket and towel, drilled into them.

I never checked so they learnt really quickly.

The go off on holidays, weekends away and are well able to do it.

I hate doing it and never make a good job of it myself. Am away at the moment and made a bad job of it.

Everyone else is happy with their job.

I pack my DPs bag when we go on holiday together, but not if he goes on a trip alone.

Erm no, I leave DH to pack his own bag. My mum has always left dad to do his own too (I remember this because mum would always make sure her's and ours packed a week in advance and get annoyed that dad would leave his to the last minute and not have enough clean pants).

But if you’re putting together a pile of the stuff you want to go into a case, I simply can’t fathom how designating the physical putting of that stuff into the case to someone else is worthwhile

It isn’t a case, it’s two cases, with some of his stuff and some of my stuff in each.

I can’t fathom why somebody would think that two people doing a job that can be done more quickly by one person is worthwhile.

Yeah we use two cases and split stuff as well, it’s just easier to each put our individual piles into half of each case once we’re done.

DH getting his stuff together then leaving it piled up instead of just putting it in the case/cases would drive me insane, like he was creating an unnecessary step for me to be responsible for.

How is that doing it any quicker?

A thought on this, how would this conversation go if a woman came on here and said her DH always packed her holiday case for her if they were going away, wouldn’t people think that was weird/potentially a bit controlling (in terms of what clothes he thought she should take/what makeup etc).

“I can’t fathom why somebody would think that two people doing a job that can be done more quickly by one person is worthwhile.”

Polis This is what I think whenever I read a thread like this one. Sensible division of labour is so much more efficient than expecting everyone to look after themselves.

Yes, and it’s obviously a much better division of labour for the person with the vagina to invariably do the packing.

My dh does own clothes though I'll often remind about something and/or add stuff and I'll shove his stuff in the wash bag and get his coat etc. I'm doing it for others so it would just be passive aggressive if I picked up all the toothbrushes except his.

It is just habit we've fallen in to. He's capable, but he's a relaxed person who will grab what he needs last minute. I'm a stresser who needs lists with tick boxes and everything done well ahead of time.

He could fill several threads with how terrible I am at certain things so I don't see it as a shitty patriarchal thing for us. Eg he food shops and menu plans. He will remember to get stuff out of the freezer the night before, know what he's cooking and have it ready on time for 5 people doing different hobbies. I get to tea time and think "oh fuck dd needs to be at football in 5 minutes and I've not fed her yet".

@GreenKimono “it’s obviously a much better division of labour for the person with the vagina to invariably do the packing.”

Which is odd really, because suitcases are heavy and we vagina owners are so week, and packing is like Tetris and we vag-ers don’t tell to do well with spatial skills. All very odd 🧐

Washing your own clothes in a partnership is no more wasteful than doing a joint load - you just wait until there’s a full load of your own clothes.

It’s not sad to be a functioning and independent adult… it’s normal!

@Wednesdaysotherchild but that only works if you have a large number of clothes of each type. DS favours dark clothes but had white school shirts. Should we have bought twice as many white shirts that he actually needed to ensure he had enough shirts to wear whilst waiting for a full wash load of lights. Was it not better to mix all our light clothes together for a full wash load and not buy more clothes than we actually needed?

This is all getting rather silly. Do what works best for you and your family. And don’t judge others for doing things differently.

One friend likely still packs for her husband the rest of us would tell our husbands to get to fuck!

I do pack for me and the kids though, DH would do it if asked but he doesn't even write a list for himself and usually forgets at least one item so I prefer to do it myself.

'Yes, and it’s obviously a much better division of labour for the person with the vagina to invariably do the packing.' 😅

I agree, but as there are 2 fannies in our house even if we share a bag we both put our ow stuff in!