How normal is it to pack your partner's bags?

[BathtimeBedlam]

I feel hard done by in that in my house I pack all the bags for me and the kids and DH does himself. This is also true for laundry etc. I do me and the family and the bedding etc, he looks after himself.

Recently he went on a stag do and he told me he was the "most modern man" there as the mens wives had packed their bags for them, despite not even going on the trip. So he felt he had bragging rights that he managed to pack his own 2 day trip bag.

Is this a common thing? He said my expectations were too high and that behind closed doors women were still packing, washing, and ironing the blokes stuff as well as their own and the kids.

Wanted to see what the women on MN think!

I don't and find it weird - how would I know what he wanted to take?

But I know loads of older men whose wives do. My mum and mil both pack for their husbands

You can tell him that my DH is currently away with our 3DC visiting his family and I did no packing for them. He also did some shopping just before he left because he noticed we were about to run out of yoghurt and he left me some emergency chocolate which I only found after he left. I truly am married to a prince among men.

When we go away all together everyone organises their own clothes to the best of their ability (youngest child needs more help) but I like to distribute everyone's clothes across all the suitcases so I do the final pack. DH has other equivalent jobs though.

And it’s not that these men can’t do these boring tasks, it’s that they’ve faked incompetence for so many years, they actually believe that narrative.

Imagine if a largely male forum was asked ‘do you pack your wife’s holiday bag?’.

It’s incredible to me that some women still enable or infantilise their husbands like this.

For family holidays I pack for DH. I may ask him to pick out a few tops but normally I do it. He does everything else. Flights,accomodation,passport check,insurance etc etc. I get the easy job I think.
If he had a work trip away, he sorts his own packing. I have at least one friend who packs her DH bag for a work trip.

or do you buy and wash your wife's undies? Wow she does that herself? Amazing! Such an evolved and modern woman.

Why ?

I’ve never packed a single thing for DH but I generally do most of the kids packing - if it’s a big holiday I enjoy planning outfits, packing etc. if just a night away or camping then I’m happy to let him pack theirs

I would never pack my husband's bag! And he certainly would find it weird too.
I tend to pack the kids bags because 1) I care more than him about what they wear, and 2) he often does other stuff like prepping the car and the kids bottles/food for instance.

This time I asked him if he could pack our eldest's bag as I was busy with the baby, and he just did.

I don't know anyone that packs their partner's bag. My DH would hate for me to pack his bag, and I wouldn't do it anyway. I do pack for our toddler. DH does a more thorough clean of the house and takes the dog off to the kennels in return when we go away though.

I do all the laundry and most of the cooking in the house but I'm a SAHM at the moment.

If you can't see anything wrong with treating your husband like a toddler, well..

I say the same of those women who don't know how to use internet banking or book holidays or other "male" stuff. It's infantile.

@ladykale please read that first sentence again and tell me it was a typo

Why are women responsible if their partner is lazy?

I don't know if its common, but after organising the holiday and packing for myself and 2 DC, hell would freeze over before I'd pack a 47 year old man's bag for him. Modern man indeed!

is he another of your children? if not then no I wouldn’t pack his bag

are your children not his? If they are I’d wonder why he doesn’t know what they need or take a role in caring for them.

I think he has a point. All my children of both sees packed their own bags once they were teens.

The thing I find particularly odd is the laundry thing. We have one laundry basket, when it's full, we wash everything in there. I do or he does. We don't just wash our own stuff and leave the rest.

My Dad's not lazy, he's first to offer to do anything for anyone, including Mum. Mum genuinely doesn't "let" him do these things. Of course he's an adult and he could insist but the way he puts it, he hasn't managed to stay married for 55 years without knowing how to keep her happy!

I always do all the packing. Always have. I wouldn’t trust DH not to pack the kitchen sink. But there again we are old dinosaurs. It’s only since he retired that DH has learned how to use the washing machine

Lol I can assure you I am not allowing my husband to treat me like a servant. I am just better at organising packing and have much more time. He runs his own company and although I deal with all the companies financial stuff he works many many more hours than me that allows us to take the holidays in the first place. He is a fantastic cook and takes care of most of the cooking
i am pretty sure our relationship will survive we have been together over 50 years and married for 43 of those years

DH packs his own bag. He also helps the kids pack their bags and me pack mine.

In the past 14 years I've never once packed OH's bag. Even my 11 year old packs her own overnight bag!!

I mean of course your relationship will survive @rosie1959 . Nobody said it wouldn't. Millions of marriages survive, even ones where women do everything. Across the world.

@Kendodd i found it odd too but after me asking him to do any laundry so many times he bought a basket for both of us and said he'd prefer to manage his own. One thing that drives me mad is is that all the clothes get hung up in a little utility room and he carefully picks his dry clothes out to take upstairs.

I've never and would never pack DH's bag. I'd have no idea what to include, and we both quite like packing for trips anyway!

I do handle DD (2.5)'s clothing when we go away, but it evens out because DH will pack all family kit / joint stuff like tech, chargers, car snacks, outdoor gear, kid crap etc.

Reminds me of a colleague I had ages ago at my first job in London - she'd have been late 20s at the time and I distinctly remember her saying she ironed her DH's work shirt every morning. Maybe that's more normal but to a young American with feminist leanings it was shocking to me. 😆

There is so much wrong with this. So much for enlightened women.

If a man packs last minute and forgets half his stuff that is HIS problem. Same way it is his problem if he forgets to put his underpants on or tie his shoe laces.

How did we get to a world where men run 90% of the fortune 500 companies but women think they aren't capable of packing their own suitcase?