How normal is it to pack your partner's bags?

[BathtimeBedlam]

I feel hard done by in that in my house I pack all the bags for me and the kids and DH does himself. This is also true for laundry etc. I do me and the family and the bedding etc, he looks after himself.

Recently he went on a stag do and he told me he was the "most modern man" there as the mens wives had packed their bags for them, despite not even going on the trip. So he felt he had bragging rights that he managed to pack his own 2 day trip bag.

Is this a common thing? He said my expectations were too high and that behind closed doors women were still packing, washing, and ironing the blokes stuff as well as their own and the kids.

Wanted to see what the women on MN think!

I've never packed a bag for him....it's never occurred to me. Thinking about it I'd happily do it but I know he would rather do it himself.

I pack my kids cos they're 2 and 3 years old! But certainly won't when they get older. Even now i get them to pick clothes.

Totally abnormal.

I can't imagine packing a bag for an adult man for him.

But when I've been on holiday with exes I I often find myself reminding them of things they might want to bring (have you got your special shampoo, snorkel etc) and they usually haven't remembered until I say something. I've also been on holiday with boyfriends who have eg forgot all their underwear. so I can see how some wives might think their husbands would forget everything without help.

DH reckons lots of women enjoy the control of managing every aspect of the man's life

My vagina would close up entirely if my DP 'reckoned' that about women.

I don't think your DH is a very accurate reporter either though. Because he either
wants you to pack his bags
wants a medal for doing them himself.

I am a sahm and as such I do all the washing, ironing, cleaning etc ( kids are now teens). Even still my dh manages to pack his own bags and dress himself in the mornings.

I don't pack his bags. I sometimes pack all the bags for a return journey but thats because I like to have all the laundry organised ready for when we get back.

I do 95% of the laundry and ironing, he does 95% of all the food planning, buying and cooking. We split by tasks not by an even split of each task. I would find it weird to separate out my laundry same as I would find it weird if he cooked for himself and not me.

I don't know what other women do but I have never packed my dh's bag or that of any former partner.

DH reckons lots of women enjoy the control of managing every aspect of the man's life. He also said the wives chose and bought a lot of the clothes
Of course he does.

Otherwise he might have to acknowledge that his friends are lazy and have successfully outsourced basic life tasks to their wives.
It can't be easy to have respect for a friend who is so rubbish at life that he needs his wife to pack his pants and replace t shirts when they're scruffy.

Everyone over 10 packs their own bags and does their own laundry.

Bragging rights my arse.

I don't pack DP's bag and never would. I also don't iron: I taught him so he can do it himself. I do pretty much all the laundry because I work part time.

We have a shared note in our shared notes app that has the packing list for the (young ) children so we can both do it. It's been a massive help because it's hard to avoid someone doing all of it otherwise as they need to know what's already packed. That list gets updated to fit the current needs each trip or holiday. It also means you have a checklist when you leave a place which I find helpful. That might help you avoid the resentment, OP.

My children (boys 10 + 11) packed their own bags when we went on holiday last month. Their father (my ex) expected me to do everything for him and there’s no way I’ll let them turn out the same way.

I wouldn’t dream of packing his bag in that situation, no.

When the DC were little and I had to pack for them for family holidays, I would get DH to put everything he wanted to take on the bed.

Then I would actually pack for the family, but I always cross packed as have had bags go missing before. So it made sense to do it that way IYSWIM?

DH reckons lots of women enjoy the control of managing every aspect of the man's life.

Is he quite old, OP? He sounds like Andy Capp!

My friends mum (who views herself as a very "modern woman") was really shocked that I don't pack my DH's bag 😂 It never even occurred to him, or me, to do it, but it's true - a lot of my friends pack their partner's bags.

I do however do the whole family's laundry, just as he cooks the whole family's dinner etc!

My mum and her mother would have always packed the bags for their husbands. I never have and I don't believe I know anyone of my generation (50s) who would.

In the scheme of things does it really matter who does the packing. I pretty sure if I left my husband to it he would be doing it on the morning we are about to leave and probably forget half his stuff. And no he doesn’t do his own washing or ironing he wouldn’t have a Scooby. I have told him now he is reaching retirement he should learn in case I drop off this mortal coil.

When your kids are a bit older and they tell you "all of their friends can do this" about something they want you to agree to, will you believe them?

There probably is something in that. My mum definitely doesn't like to let dad do much for himself, it's really not that he's unwilling.

I’m confused. Are we talking about partners or housemaids? Why on earth would I pack my OHs bag for him (ever at all, let alone in respect of a holiday he is going on without me)?

I have never packed DH bag. 17 years together.

I have two children. Not three

I find it amazing that men can apparently run the world but can't operate a washing machine until they are retired.

Yes, it does matter who does the packing.

My DH is an adult and manages perfectly well to pack his own bag.

Your DH should be shocked at the infantile nature of his friends, not having a barbed dig at you for expecting to be married to an actual grown up.

Yes it does. You’re enabling your husband to treat you like a servant instead of an equal partner, and that power dynamic is often repeated by children once they become adults. Sharing responsibilities and boring tasks is part of being in good relationship.