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32
Testina · 13/08/2023 18:44

Plus, Clive might have contracted to SWNS not to give any further interviews, except to them. SWNS aren’t stupid - they can see the commercial value here is in responses like this thread. Go to any of the sold on sites that have comments and they are ALL full of “what’s wrong with Blackpool? / what a pair of idiots” type comments. Seriously - try the MEN fb comment (I scanned those in case of local intel) it’s almost unanimous - everyone sees the stupidity. I can’t imagine SNWS see much commercial opportunity in a, “still there” or even a “welcome home” story - the attention and the money is all in the previous idiocy.

Given the public response to the sites that have run it, I can’t see Clive & Iuliia seeking out part 2, either!

DailyMaui · 13/08/2023 19:30

I reckon they're holding out for the big bucks live TV exclusive.

The only ones with money who might have the audience who are interested in this is GMB and This Morning. BBC breakfast would think it too low rent and not worth the cash - SWNA will want fuck loads of dosh. Talk TV is about to sink and GB News has loads of dosh but not the viewers. Plus tricky to froth over Brits giving birth on a foreign beach. Although they could spin it as "forrin place making prisoners of new parents just living their beach baby dream."

I would not be surprised to see them pop up looking all sun kissed and sad faced live from their prison yacht in the next few days.

itsgettingweird · 13/08/2023 19:57

Oooh good shout. I can see a GMB exclusive - I'll keep my eye out tomorrow for a mention 🤣

LouHey · 13/08/2023 20:55

RedToothBrush · 13/08/2023 16:46

Clive and Iuliia had a tumultuous relationship fueled by Clive's paranoia. Iuliia had fallen in with Clive as he showered her with dates, gifts, and jewellery.

Iuliia and Clive, had lived for years in Stalybridge, far away from the sandy white beaches of Grenada. Their days were dreary and uneventful. To outsiders they were happy enough. However this wasn't enough for Clive. Aided and abetted by his twin Dave, Clive had ambitions and soon achieved the glory of being a fell running champion. Clive loved the attention it brought him. However Dave demanded that Clive help him and pay him back or he would expose Clive's cheating. Clive had tried to say no to Dave's request, but Dave blackmailed him and Clive took this seriously after he received a warning in the form of a short ban from racing due to someone reporting another minor technical mistake by Clive. He was trapped! He had to do whatever Dave wanted.

Clive looked for ways out of the mess he now found himself in. A spark or hope had been kindled inside of Clive after watching an episode of Death in Paradise. In that episode, the characters had moved to a small island to start a new life and Clive thought that it was the perfect way to escape the his dark secrets in the UK. A plan was born.

Though Iuliia was originally hesitant, Clive persisted. His enthusiasm had a special power over Iuliia and soon the couple had made their way to Grenada, 4,000 miles away from their UK home.

The plan had been for Iuliia to give birth to their baby on a beach in St Lucia, a dream of natural beauty that bordered on foolishness. But little did they know that Iuliia's waters would break unexpectedly while they were travelling on a boat between the island in the middle of the night.

When baby Louisa was born, the couple were still at sea and their dreams of sharing a picture perfect Instagram moment were dashed as Clive had forgotten to charge his mobile phone. With no doctors or other medical personnel present, the couple made a huge error. This error would later make them feel like prisoners.

With no one to confirm Iuliia was the child's natural mother, they were trapped on the island and both unable to escape or to gain an illusive right to citizenship there. Their own dreams appearred to had been dashed and Clive and Iuliia had unwittingly placed their own lives in danger. Dave now knew that they had left the country. Faced with a maxed credit card bill of £6000 time was running out for the couple before they would be deported without their child and into the path of Dave keen to reap his revenge on Clive for daring to try and escape his clutches.

Clive was faced with a dilemma. Clive, knew that he could not trust the authorities with his DNA. Not only that but he knew that his DNA could lead to his terrible secret being uncovered. Or more correctly the secret of his identical twin brother Dave that Clive had spent so many years diligently trying to cover up. Nor could he let the fact that Iuliia wasn't in fact married to Clive and instead had given her vows unwittingly to Dave be exposed. In desparation Clive decided to try and bully the British authorities into getting a waiver for the DNA test, by selling his story to a friendly journalist.

Many years ago Clive had previously been banned from driving after going down a double carriage way the wrong way. The mysterious circumstances of how and why he had done this, had never been discovered by the police. He had thought that he had escaped with just a driving ban and Dave was in the clear. However his running career was now over for good due to the injury he sustained in the car. Nonetheless Clive carried on with life. Afraid of what might happen he was prudent and begun using fake names and pretending to be a Freeman of the Land as an excuse for this, in order to help try and cover up his evil twin's past.

Iuliia, until now, had accepted Clive's explanation that he had simply missed the road signs and that he was into conspiracy theories. However with the authorities beginning to grow suspicious her own concerned bubbled to the surface. The authorities began to ask difficult questions: Were this couple child trafficking on the cheap, using some unknown birth mother to give them a baby? Were the couple, moving drugs between the islands? The pressure started to take its toll. Iuliia already faced doubts about her relationship with Clive, her much older baldy skinny wretch of a husband, and now began to see through Clive's web of lies. Alone with her daughter in another country far away apparently with her Aunt, Iuliia's fears started to grow. Would she ever be reunited with her elder daughter? Why HAD Clive speed off into the night, bundling her and her daughter into the car in a panic all those years ago? Why on earth WAS Clive refusing to agree to a DNA test?

The couple now face an uncertain future, unable to register the baby's birth or apply for a passport. Left adrift and stricken with a cold chilling thought, Iuliia started to panic. But Clive had a plan and clung to the hope that they may still be able to make a future in the Carribean and start over with the proceeds of a GoFundMe scam to get enough money together to apply for citizenship in Saint Lucia away from the UK extradiction process. All they needed to do was a good sob story, enough publicity and an appeal to raise enough money...

Would the plan work? Could Clive pull it off and be free of his brother once and for all? Or would the super sleuths on MN find the hidden clue to the mystery? Was Dave an evil supervillian? Or was Clive just a feckless cocklodger from Stalyvegas? Would the bumbling loveable chancer prevail or was poor Clive's luck finally running out?

Identical twins have identical dna.

maras2 · 13/08/2023 21:00

I thought that they had identical fingerprints, not DNA.

LouHey · 13/08/2023 22:06

Testina · 13/08/2023 21:50

@LouHey you would think, but apparently not so! Every day’s a school day. Adding this to my novel research folder 🤣

https://www.livescience.com/identical-twins-dont-share-all-dna.html

As far as a standard paternity test would go, it would show a match. There's slight variables, sure - but as the bulk of their DNA is identical, it would show as a match.

Testina · 13/08/2023 22:09

And that @LouHey us why it’s going into my novel folder - because it allows for a plot twist! But interesting to learn that it’s not the same, even if a standard paternity test wouldn’t pick that up. I actually saw a link on “melting” DNA from New Scientist to distinguish it - but behind a paywall.

LouHey · 13/08/2023 22:15

Testina · 13/08/2023 22:09

And that @LouHey us why it’s going into my novel folder - because it allows for a plot twist! But interesting to learn that it’s not the same, even if a standard paternity test wouldn’t pick that up. I actually saw a link on “melting” DNA from New Scientist to distinguish it - but behind a paywall.

We still don't have the technology to do fine tune testing in a cost effective way yet, but it will be available in the near future, I bet.

UsingChangeofName · 13/08/2023 22:17

This thread just keeps on giving.
s well as the 4 or 5 star detectives, tracing things on line, I love all the details that different posters notice - from the disposable nappies, which don't quite fit in with the whole 'identifying as a sea turtle and wanting dolphins for midwives' image, to the keen-eyed sailor spotting there are two different boats in the photos.
I still don't understand why one of the tabloids hasn't lifted this thread from MN though, considering how often they do that.

EldenRing4 · 13/08/2023 22:32

UsingChangeofName · 13/08/2023 22:17

This thread just keeps on giving.
s well as the 4 or 5 star detectives, tracing things on line, I love all the details that different posters notice - from the disposable nappies, which don't quite fit in with the whole 'identifying as a sea turtle and wanting dolphins for midwives' image, to the keen-eyed sailor spotting there are two different boats in the photos.
I still don't understand why one of the tabloids hasn't lifted this thread from MN though, considering how often they do that.

The cheek of them!
This is hands down the best thread .. all my years on MN.

@MNHQ this should be immortalised

VanGoghsDog · 13/08/2023 22:35

Testina · 13/08/2023 22:09

And that @LouHey us why it’s going into my novel folder - because it allows for a plot twist! But interesting to learn that it’s not the same, even if a standard paternity test wouldn’t pick that up. I actually saw a link on “melting” DNA from New Scientist to distinguish it - but behind a paywall.

https://simanaitissays.com/2014/03/19/s-s-van-dines-20-rules/

Rule 20, no twins,!

S.S. VAN DINE’S 20 RULES

THE DETECTIVE novelist S.S. Van Dine devised a list of 20 rules for writing detective stories. Whether in observance or willful disregard, the rules first published in 1928 make for interesting ref…

https://simanaitissays.com/2014/03/19/s-s-van-dines-20-rules

TiredCatLady · 13/08/2023 23:01

@RedToothBrush if you’re not a novelist - you should be! That’s the best chuckle I’ve had in a while!

LouHey · 13/08/2023 23:13

maras2 · 13/08/2023 21:00

I thought that they had identical fingerprints, not DNA.

Fingerprints are unique.

Motherofkittycats · 13/08/2023 23:52

I know Clive and Iuliia.. the baby is definitely theirs as Iuliia was very pregnant when i last saw her in February

sunglassesonthetable · 13/08/2023 23:52

It will make my day if this story breaks into the mainstream. I want more.

I'm not ready to let Clive, King of Duel CarriageWays and Iuliia bob off into obscurity on their borrowed boat.

Is Clive's DNA up to scratch? Will they win the Documents battle? Do they even have access to a photocopier?

But many thanks to the cunning posters on here who have absolutely blown this one out of the water. 👏🏼🤩

mumda · 13/08/2023 23:58

Motherofkittycats · 13/08/2023 23:52

I know Clive and Iuliia.. the baby is definitely theirs as Iuliia was very pregnant when i last saw her in February

Very pregnant so an airline wouldn't vat an eyelid?

Motherofkittycats · 14/08/2023 00:01

Iuliia is tiny (very slim and small) so her bump was obvious to me with her in a tightly fitting T-shirt. With an oversized jumper or similar it more than likely wouldn’t be obvious to those who didn’t know her

isitshe · 14/08/2023 00:18

I do wish this pair of feckless numpties would somehow see this thread

T1Dmama · 14/08/2023 00:36

Sound like a right pair of fucktards to me!
They abandoned their 8 years old to potentially risk the life of herself and unborn child by giving birth abroad ?!… Their insurance (if they bothered to get any!) would’ve been really expensive during late stages of pregnant …. And if they couldn’t be bothered to take their daughter / get her a passport in time them who knows what else these idiots ‘forgot to do!’ ….
No sympathy… idiotic, selfish and thoughtless !

sashh · 14/08/2023 02:55

Can I sugggest the film is an animation? I just want to see a dolphin midwife, not sure who should voice it though.

Motherofkittycats · 14/08/2023 03:16

You are all being very harsh. What happened to the whole ‘be kind’ movement? Clive and Iuliia are lovely people and the way some of you have gone on is abhorrent. God forbid any of you should end up in circumstances beyond your control. The world would be a much nicer place with a bit (a LOT) more compassion

Catsmere · 14/08/2023 03:53

You must be joking. Beyond their control? They deliberately got into this mess!

As for the whole Be Kind thing, that's no more or less than telling women to never complain, never say No, never have boundaries, never fail to acquiesce to others' (usually men's) demands. The sooner it disappears the better.

Catsmere · 14/08/2023 03:54

sashh · 14/08/2023 02:55

Can I sugggest the film is an animation? I just want to see a dolphin midwife, not sure who should voice it though.

A dolphin midwife is a scary thought - they're predators!

RedToothBrush · 14/08/2023 04:35

Motherofkittycats · 14/08/2023 03:16

You are all being very harsh. What happened to the whole ‘be kind’ movement? Clive and Iuliia are lovely people and the way some of you have gone on is abhorrent. God forbid any of you should end up in circumstances beyond your control. The world would be a much nicer place with a bit (a LOT) more compassion

Lovely people who abandoned their elder daughter to go on a life style shindig without consideration for how long they'd be away and the risk to the life of their unborn baby? That kinda lovely? Er hello. You'd have to go some to do something more selfish at the direct expensive of your own children. 'Nice people' don't do that. Nice people put their kids well being before their adult life style choices. 'Choices' being the operative word here.

Not to mention the reckless driving. Yes we all drive the wrong way down a dual carriageway cos we failed to pay attention to that degree?That's totally normal and everyday and could happen to anyone. It does all the time. Oh no wait, no it doesn't. And what's that about going for the lighter sentencing options rather than being a wally and insisting you challenge it and go to the higher court? If only Clive had taken good legal advice onboard? Think how things might have turned out then. But no Clive knew better. What a plank. Christ almighty.

This is all a bit more than just getting yourself into 'circumstances beyond your control'. This is about them knowing better than everyone else in some kind of self righteous crusade in pursuit of an anti-authority mindset. And that's worked out juuuussttt fiinnnnnnne on multiple occasions. Hmm most people just aren't that arrogant to ignore legal advice and rational arguments about why such behaviour isn't such a great plan.

They've been in control of whether to they end up in a right mess from the start, but they don't want to accept that responsibility like the rest of us quite clearly. You know what with being grown ups and all that. There's a perfectly valid reason why there isn't a beach birth industry. It's not just that they are free spirited and special and the rest of the world are boring and lacking in enlightenment.

That's not about not being kind. It's about being pissed off at this total lack of responsibility taking and faux shock about how it's all managed to go wrong. Yeah how DID that happen? Couldn't happen to a nicer couple my arse.

Its not being lovely people. It's about being fucking irresponsible people. Lovely people don't go on an expedition like this which will be a minimum of three months in ideal circumstances without sufficient funds and their other child and then expect others to pick up the pieces of their own fecklessness and be in complete disbelief that they have to follow laws and comply with regulations designed to stop child trafficking.

Yes. Klaxon time. The clue here is if you are falling foul of restrictions designed to stop child trafficking and are setting off that type of red type then your behaviour perhaps isn't in line with the best interests of your child(ren). Of course that's going to wind up with a bunch of people who are none too impressed. What the fuck else do think would happen? For them to be congratulated with the award of OBEs for parents of the year?

It's not that hard to grasp why people see fit to be harsh about this, yet you, Iuliia and Clive clearly seem bewildered at why other people might take issue with it. It is absolutely in the public interest to discourage such pillocky. The foreign office has enough to do without such idiocy. Never mind the child protection issues. They absolutely need investigating by social services.

Quite honestly if this was a normal set of circumstances that happen semi regularly maybe you'd have a bit of a point but it isn't. People don't do this in the first place for good reason. They don't have such complete disregard for international borders. They don't put themselves before their kids like this. They don't get caught out, cos they engage their bloody braincells before getting themselves into such a mess. Embassies are not there for the primary purpose of bailing out the hard of thinking, they are there for genuine problems.

Such reckless behaviour impacts on others strangely enough. Who IS going to pay for this mess in both the long term and short term? Law of unintended consequences and all that. Hope you are planning to support them with a rather large money transfer to bail them out of their, totally unpredictable and unfair, predicament like a good friend. Or maybe your love doesn't extend to coughing up three or four figure sums in the knowledge that they probably can't afford to pay you back. Is the lecture about how awful everyone else is for not being delighted at stepping in to 'save them' just got air and platitudes? Nope everyone else should 'be kind' pay for their ineptitude

Being nice about it, is just going to encourage more dickwads to do the same cos they saw how wonderful the idea was. So no I will not 'be kind' to please some notion that they've been massively hard done by and everyone else is just being mean by not shouting about how awful their circumstances are. Cos they aren't the bloody victims they are trying to make themselves out to be here. Why should anyone give multiple fucks? They didn't give fucks for anyone else when they swanned off to the beautiful sun kissed beaches. Na not having that guilt trip attempt being pushed back on the rest of the world to continue to abdicate responsibility for themselves.

Instead of demanding everyone else 'be kind' as a mantra for a better world, how about Iuliia and Clive start following other people's life philosophy of 'dont be a monumental self servicing dick in the first place' instead and see how that fits with karma and world harmony? How's that? Peace out.

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