To stay in a job that's really tough going for the money?

[Hop27]

I appreciate I'm in a fortunate position...but. I've found myself in a very good job, but with it comes long long hours, weekend work stress and general grind and I dislike it more that love it. But I've managed to gain equity and we are going through massive growth so I could end up with a very sizeable financial reward over the next 10 years 'if' we achieve our forecasts. My salary is more than I ever thought I'd be in the position to earn. DH, DSS and I have a really nice lifestyle. Through work I get lots of bonuses as we are privately owned, and some 'personal expenses' are covered by work.
We could live on one wage, either mine or DH but lifestyle would move if I wanted to make a change. I wouldn't get as strong an equity position if I moved firm in the same industry, and if I'm honest it would be the same expectation. I assume most people don't 'love' their jobs, so at least I'm benefiting financially. I'm early 40's do I just grind out the next 10 years and reap the rewards? Get DSS through uni, house deposit or do I chase a pipe dream of being happy in my work?

This one is tough, I can relate as I'm in a very similar situation - early 40s, made it to top levels of management, long term share awards and big salary, and absolutely huge amounts of pressure and stress. I've wrestled with this quesion for 12 months and have landed in that it's time for a change. Money really isn't everything, we already have a house and some savings, and I'd like to live a full life with my family and kids before they disappear into adulthood.

I'm planning on looking for consultant roles 3-4 days a week, and have made peace with a lower salary

I am in a similar position although room to go higher. Most I have ever earnt, just moved with massive mortgage and love my house! But I cry almost every day at work, had a panic attack this morning. It's not safe and I keep reporting it but get told I have to get on with it. Feel like a failure if I quit so soon after getting a promotion. So I am sticking it out for maybe 6 months and will need to reassess my options following that.

I wouldn't stay in something I didn't like.
Life is too short. But that's me - I'd rather make sacrifices to my lifestyle to be content. It really depends what your priorities are in terms of money and the long term view.
Just bear in mind that if you dislike it already, unless there's a seismic shift you're not suddenly going to fall in love with it. It may grind you down to an extent that it really starts to affect you.

Can you cut back on the long hours? I've realised I'm a lot happy if I walk out of work at 5 or 5.30pm..yes there's lots of work left to do but it waits. Burnout is real, doing long hours for years isn't great if you are not enjoying it.

*happier

To add as well, finding a job you like and earning decent money don't have to be mutually exclusive.
I like my job and have reached a very senior level. But it's been a longer road (I'm in my 40s) than it would have been had I stayed the first high paying job I had in my 20s - a job which burnt me out and made me cry every night at the thought of having to get up and do it again the next day.

If it was another few months I would say stick to it. But 10 years?!?! That's an eternity if you're unhappy and highly stressed. You may not even survive it without a break down. Don't do it to yourself - find a job that is fulfilling and paid enough but doesn't make you sad. You're financially stable enough to do that, why not?!

To play devils advocate, why not stay in it and just try to coast a little? That's what I see minted 50 year olds doing all the time....

YANBU, if that is what you want to do, but that doesn't mean it is the same choice I would make.

We have different priorities. If you, as a family could live reasonably well on just one of the salaries you are achieving, and one (or both?) of you don't like the job, then it sounds like a good time to have that conversation with each other.
You have choices.
You might think - I'll stick with what we are doing, and we both put half our income into savings for....... (and this will be different for each of us) ... paying off mortgage / early retirement / giving up this job in X years time to re-train in Y / or to set up my own business or whatever it is you crave.
Or
You might think that you (or both of you?) don't want to live your life spending so many hours doing something you really dislike, and so might change your path now.
Neither is unreasonable if both of you are happy with the decision.

With DH we kept our lifestyle and expectations manageable on one salary. It's given us enormous freedom to think about quitting in tough times, having it available as a viable option eased the stress.

I went for autogenic training, it's really helped me manage my reactions to stuff I ultimately aren't in control of, just observing, like most of my work load and colleagues.

I've had 1 job that I LOVED, it was creative but the money was awful and at the time I hated how people perceived me because of what I did. My ex and friends were all professional and looked down on me, so I pushed myself to make changes.
I'm not at the crying at work stage, but I constantly feel like I can't manage the workload. Going into the weekend, I feel like I need to work both days to try to catch up 🫤

If it wasn’t for the long hours, stress and high workload, would you enjoy what you are doing?

I love my job. Not every second of every day but most of it. It's constantly interesting, I feel like I am making a difference, and I have supportive colleagues. I earn about 80k plus a v good pension.

I could earn double or triple in private practice but I figure I only have one life so having a job I enjoy is also really important.

I think it depends what matters most to you op. If you enjoy the benefits of wealth stick at it, if you're doing it just because you think you should, but hating every minute, then it's definitely time to start planning an escape route.

None of us are guaranteed a long life, it's fine to be sensible but we also have to ensure that "right now" is good. (admittedly money can help make "right now" good so it's a tricky balance)

Ok I'll stay. Got a 40k pay rise today. Maybe it is worth it.

If I were you, I would stay and I would invest heavily into self care to avoid burnout. Whatever helps: yoga, meditation, gym, long walks, acupuncture, therapy…

Money gives you lots of options and freedom, but burnout can be brutal (I have been there).

Wow! That’s amazing.

I'm going to go wild on my next pay, it's being back dated. Then decide.
Not going to lie I've looked at Cartier jewellery today 😂

Wow congrats on the pay rise
What sector are you in?

Private consultancy

Congrats OP! At the end of the day, you do you. Personally I've faced your dilemma and opted to choose a job I love rather than even more money. I'm well paid but by the sounds of it not as well paid as you ;)

Do bear one thing in mind though. I started with peri menopausal symptoms around 44, which led to crippling anxiety, brain fog, trouble sleeping and bloating which left me unable to focus some days. You could easily mistake them for stress symptoms (as I did initially)

No amount of money spent on self care will mask being unhappy for a large proportion of your life, and I say this from lived experience.

Remember, you only get one life. Money really isn't that important.

I would keep going try another 5 years?

I'd save that cartier jewellery for a few years down the line and try and put money into savings and Isas so one of day... When you think actually it's not enough money... You can say... Goodbye.... Because you have fuck you money.

Make a firm rule that you don’t work weekends. Then do what you have to do to get through the week, looking forward to your weekend off.

Your pay rise is my whole salary 😂