To stay in a job that's really tough going for the money?

[Hop27]

I appreciate I'm in a fortunate position...but. I've found myself in a very good job, but with it comes long long hours, weekend work stress and general grind and I dislike it more that love it. But I've managed to gain equity and we are going through massive growth so I could end up with a very sizeable financial reward over the next 10 years 'if' we achieve our forecasts. My salary is more than I ever thought I'd be in the position to earn. DH, DSS and I have a really nice lifestyle. Through work I get lots of bonuses as we are privately owned, and some 'personal expenses' are covered by work.
We could live on one wage, either mine or DH but lifestyle would move if I wanted to make a change. I wouldn't get as strong an equity position if I moved firm in the same industry, and if I'm honest it would be the same expectation. I assume most people don't 'love' their jobs, so at least I'm benefiting financially. I'm early 40's do I just grind out the next 10 years and reap the rewards? Get DSS through uni, house deposit or do I chase a pipe dream of being happy in my work?

I left a very well paid senior management role to be with my family while they’re young as we’re in the fortunate position for me to do that. Zero regrets. I am so much happier and healthier despite not having as much money each month to spend on facials and things like I used to when working. But I sleep easily nowadays and stress is terribly ageing. Life is too short to live to work but that’s my opinion… I was a self confessed workaholic.

It’s golden handcuffs, isn’t it? They give you a huge payrise and you spend it on Cartier jewellery to compensate for the pain. It’s easier for them to do it with women too because we’re conscientious and put far more in than the equivalent man. My advice is work like your male counterparts, I bet they’re not getting stressed out and working all the hours God sends.

floribunda18. I can see your point. But, and I now I will be slammed for saying this, in the last 3 years I have seen the following people die, my friends sister 48 breast cancer, another friends husband 38 bowel cancer, a friend 50 throat cancer. It has changed the way I look at time and made realise life might be shorter than we expect.

Take the pay rise but save it all so you can get out when you need to. Say no to the jewellery!

Life is short and it's not all about money

And mine!!

Completely agree with this. I know two people who’ve recently died in their forties of cancer. Also my MIL worked 35+ years in a job she hated “for the pension” then died 18 months after retiring.

There are different schools of thought, but personally I’d rather have more time with my kids whilst they’re young than aim for an earlier retirement.

On MN though I’ve noticed that some people are completely obsessed with pensions 😁 I do understand that a lot of women get screwed over, especially if they have periods of being a SAHM/part-time, and then find they don’t have enough to fund a decent retirement. But it’s important to strike a balance IMO and some posters take it to the other extreme.

It’s a really tough call. For DH and I, time is worth more than money, but we already earn over $250k in non stressful jobs. I could earn $200k on my own and he could earn over $300k (he’s in tech and we live on the West Coast of the US) if we were willing to give up the flexibility we have. But we’re not. We have a nice enough house, save about 30% of our pre tax income every month and can afford several holidays a year. We do not buy new cars or lots of fancy things all the time. I’ve thought about what I would need to do if I had a job with longer hours - cleaner 1-2x a week, outsourcing a lot of cooking (which I love) in order to still have some family time and I came to the conclusion the extra I would get is just not worth it. It would have to be life changing money… for me maybe if I was earning $500k and I did that for 2-3 years with some kind of stock payout… enough that we could pay off our mortgage in a bigger house and then I could go back to my less stressful lower paying job.

I worked in an industry that was quite high powered and earned a decent amount. Not millions, but more than enough to pay all my bills, go on nice holidays, meals out every weekend, far too many clothes, etc.
I was spending 8 grand a year and nearly 20 hours a week commuting to London and back, partly because I thought that would give me work life balance and partly because I had a house whereas in London I would have struggled to get a flat share.
I accepted a promotion because my other job was being phased out.
I ended up getting the flu and having nine calls in three days asking when I was coming back because they, apparently couldn’t cope without me.
(I later found out the reason the promotion was actually available was because the last person couldn’t be left alone either, the staff were really over reliant).
In a slight fit of pique, I quit, there and then. I just thought “Sod this, I can’t be arsed.”
I didn’t find another job for 7 months. I had no money except JSA, my BFs salary was just about covering everything.
A friend of my dad’s son was a headteacher near us and needed some TAs, so I applied, got the job, and went on minimum wage as a stopgap.

I hadn’t realised how much the corporate job had taken from me.

And during this time, a friend of mine took his own life due to burnout, and thinking he wasn’t good enough.

I completely changed my perspective. I was only going out to eat because I was too tired to cook or even shop.
I only bought new clothes because I was trying to impress people in my world.
I went on expensive holidays because I felt I had earned them.

But having a job that felt worthwhile and important was worth more to me than “stuff”. I have loads of time off, feel so much less stressed and I now live to work, not the other way round.
It’s about priorities. Ask yourself, if something happened and you could not have things as they are, what would you keep. The job, or what the job gives you?
Either is fine but once you break it down, it’s easier to decide. Good luck!

So that's the first time I've noticed I've had a post deleted. 😳

Amazing how congratulating someone and making a comparison to your own life can get it deleted.

Just wow!

Golden handcuffs in place here too. The sums in the last couple of years have already been life enhancing. In a few years, they could be completely life changing.
I think it's worth having a really honest analysis of yourself and seeing if you're a workaholic. If you are, you may as well stick it out & get paid for it. But live sensibly. Yes, get yourself a nice pay rise present and pay for anything you can that makes life easier (whether that's a cleaner two or three times a week rather than just once, additional childcare, the car being regularly valet cleaned at your house) but save, save, save. Then you know you are doing it through choice and could jack it in whenever you want.

You aren't thinking much about the rest of us reading this post who will never earn 40k a year never mind as a bonus.

@Chattygirl123 not wanting to be a dick but this isn't about you. It's about whether OP should do a job she hates for the money.

It's a legitimate question.

Seems to me to be a matter of personal priorities. To the extent that I don't think anyone else can necessarily tell you whether you're doing it right or not, because it's to do with how you value lifestyle over your time. I wouldn't touch your job with a barge pole. No fucking thanks. Doesn't mean you'd be making a bad decision to stay though.

Yes

Well it's one of those things where you have to choose. The money or the time. I am on a career path that could have ended up similarly to yours (law). I chose a different path as I did not want to do what you are doing. In house I will never make anywhere near what I would make in private practice. Not even close. Sometimes when we use or act against outside counsel I think about that, but I don't regret it for one second as for me the sacrifices wouldn't have been something I would have wanted to make. It's an individual choice.

And tbf it was pretty obvious from the title that OP was going to be talking about a larger salary than many. Anyone who'd be bothered by that can always not click.

@PinkCherryBlossoms Some people don't seem to understand that concept

I had a stressful job that I hated but stayed because the pay was so very good. I was not on duty or call at weekends. I found myself dreaming and worrying about work all the time, even when on holiday so I turned it in because of the stress, and I was much happier (albeit poorer!) in another job. If the stress isn't getting to you, maybe carry on, but for me life is too short to spend my Friday evenings stressing about going back to work on Monday.

If you are that torn OP why don't you set a plan - a year, 2, 5 whatever you think you can bear. Cut back a bit and save loads with the aim of getting OUT. That way you will adjust to less income and at the same time have more to fall back on.

Step away from the Cartier jewelry. Do not fall onto the trap of lifestyle creep- invest heavily now for future income and plan your exit strategy.

Highly recommend 'Yoir Money or Your Life' by Vixki Robin.

I used to be a high paid boss back in the day. After the disaster of my last very well paid position I almost left an industry I love altogether. I couldn't face working in that field for about 8 months. If I'm honest, I only went back to it because I had to and I was lucky that I ended up really enjoying it again.

I used to cry every Sunday evening, I was so miserable. And to make matters worse, we were abroad, our family visas relied on my job and I my weekends were spent worrying what the staff who worked weekends were doing (once they actually sabotaged something major and tried to hide what they'd done). The CEO was a bona fide megalomaniac and would ruin everybody's Friday by calling a meeting at 1745 to debate utterly stupid things which always, always ended up staying the same after our two hour discussion.

Now that was extreme, but it did make me step back and think about what I really wanted out of life.* And because I was so, so greedy for time with my children when they were smaller, they won the battle. Plus the reason I wanted to do that job in the first place doesn't actually happen the further you climb the ladder - way less fun, way less creativity. I haven't regretted it. My job today is great, I'm paid relatively well doing creative fun stuff and my work life balance is excellent.

It wasn't an easy decision because my husband does a job where pay is limited (and shite) with few perks and fewer pay rises. But I think looking for what you feel is important to your health and sanity and actively making sure that those things are top priority is the key to a happy life. And we do only have the one.

*What actually happened was that megalomaniac boss sacked us all by email on the Friday evening but then asked us all to come back as he'd made a mistake by Monday morning. I only went back to get some money he'd promised me when he sacked me... that was the second mad boss in a row (my industry attracts narcs) and enough was enough. My hand was forced but I sat down and really thought through what I wanted to do in my future.

Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin.

40s love my job working part time, DH same, older DC went to uni with student loans and saved up own house deposit, we’re there to help if ever really needs. We’re all fairly happy. Sometimes think all this martyrdom ends up being counterproductive when kids end up with miserable parents or divorced parents at worst or at best just gives reinforces current inequalities within society

It gets harder as you get older! - I've recently left a ten hour a day with a feeling I ought to be working at the weekends , that I would have coped a lot better with in my 30's/40's. Sense of relief is huge - but I own my home, no dependents, so the high salary wasn't a lot of compensation.

It sounds as if you've been there a while and are well thought of - have a look at you job - are there more tedious bits that could be delegated to an assistant?
Have a really good think about your job description and design, and make a business case for more resources so that you are less stretched - the cost that the business is saving is you either burning out, or moving on because you've had enough.