To stay in a job that's really tough going for the money?

[Hop27]

I appreciate I'm in a fortunate position...but. I've found myself in a very good job, but with it comes long long hours, weekend work stress and general grind and I dislike it more that love it. But I've managed to gain equity and we are going through massive growth so I could end up with a very sizeable financial reward over the next 10 years 'if' we achieve our forecasts. My salary is more than I ever thought I'd be in the position to earn. DH, DSS and I have a really nice lifestyle. Through work I get lots of bonuses as we are privately owned, and some 'personal expenses' are covered by work.
We could live on one wage, either mine or DH but lifestyle would move if I wanted to make a change. I wouldn't get as strong an equity position if I moved firm in the same industry, and if I'm honest it would be the same expectation. I assume most people don't 'love' their jobs, so at least I'm benefiting financially. I'm early 40's do I just grind out the next 10 years and reap the rewards? Get DSS through uni, house deposit or do I chase a pipe dream of being happy in my work?

Our salaries are not huge but for me it was so I stay FT in my job and go for a professorship (my highest goal) or do I step back and so I can have the flexibility to spend more time with my DS. I chose the latter - went done to a fraction of the time - partly because my manager is such a nightmare. It was very tough at first on my esteem etc but I refocused, spent more time on my writing whilst DS is at kindergarten and feel unbelievably happy. I never thought this level of happiness was possible. I’m mid-late forties and so pleased I did this but at the time I had no idea of the outcome so it is super tough. Also if you can retire at 53 it’s worth considering sticking it out maybe!

Only you can decide that. I left a really high pressure job for a less intense job. Different situation as the salary was the same, although progression is not as easy. I'm happy I have a better work/life balance and I do feel I am a better parent. However, I am getting a bit bored and often think about going back.
I suppose what I'm saying is have a think about how you really feel about the job, do you thrive in a high pressure environment? I was stressed in my last job but looking back that also made it rewarding, I don't feel the same satisfaction now when I have managed something complex that I did in my last role.

Anything you can change? If I was really important to a business (so important I got a £40k pay rise) I’d be getting a PA. Can you get any more support like PA/admin?

I stay in a job I don't love for the big salary, the prestige (pathetic, I know), the pension, the school fees and the holidays. My husband earns more but he also hates his own job so it's nice to think that if the shit really hits the fan, one of us could quit.

I'd probably stay if I were you. But knowing you can jack it in makes it bearable most of the time. At least, that's my experience. Choice is a wonderful thing.

THIS. Employers must be laughing all the way to the bank. From what you described I would need £250K pay rise to stay, and at the very minimum between 80K and 120K. £40k minus tax on already a high salary is nothing. No wonder you will be spaffing it in Cartier, as last time I bought them, the cheapest was £11K and that was at least 6 years ago.

Just really keep a watch on burn out. I wasn't careful enough and really fell over. It completely knocked me for six and had widespread impacts. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I'd say grind it out unless you get to the point where you physically or mentally cannot go on. I've been there.

I was in a similar position for years, grinding out an existence a day at a time. It gave us financial security as well as day to day comfort. We never overspent on holidays cars or housing so at times it felt unnecessary. However, we are now in a fortunate position of being able to pay off the mortgage early. With any luck we may even be able to retire early.

Retiring early isn't something I want to do, but my husband, whose job is 70 hours a week, is desperate to do so. The years I persevered have enabled us to have that choice

There may come a time where you will lose your job against your will. It happened to me, as regulatory change made my industry dead overnight. It might come as somewhat of a relief like it did for me. However, I now can't get back on the treadmill even if I want to, so those early decisions to stick it out were so important!

Just my tuppence worth

ThNk you for this post. Reading and watching answers with interest. I left a senior civil servant position after 10 years in the same org to join a consultancy in March but the difference in workload, stress, pace expectations is insane but I earn 50% more than I did.
I like the people around me and remind myself it took a decade to build up my network in the last place but I cry most days, have nightmares about it when I sleep and worry that there is a lot more to life than a good salary.
To make matters worse my partner is a teacher with lovely long summer holidays.

That feels like quite a huge jump in stress levels for 150% of an SCS1 salary 😞 Do you have potential to earn a lot more in future?

My DH was a G6 and moved to the private sector, he earns a lot more now (although not 50% more) and his workload is comparable if not actually lower than it was in the CS. Is it worth looking at other options, different consultancies etc?

My friend retired at 50 yo. He said he never enjoyed his work but it was a means to an end. I semi retired in 2012 (working just 2/3 days a week and it was fabulous! But after DH died, I went back full time in 2017 and here I am. I do love what I do, it's incredibly rewarding, I earn a good income, but I do sometimes think I should have been completely mercenary and gone for the £££ cos then you can choose what to do.

Stay with it OP for as long as you can stand it.

Use the extra 40k to hire an assistant to ease your workload.

Of course you should stay and milk it.

Spare a thought for the ones who work in schools, hospitals, colleges, social services and care homes whose pay has been cut.

I would stick it out. Yes.

It’s twice mine! However I do love my job, can walk 5 minutes to get there & have school holidays off (not all good).

I left a very well paid job & promotion when my first child was born as I didn’t want to miss out on time with him. My dh earned a reasonable salary (not op level!) & enjoyed his job. I got married later & ds was born prem so my priorities changed almost overnight. My second child had a medical condition that mainly I was around to support him with. I never regretted giving it up though. A couple of years after I left the company folded anyway.

Stay and really cut back on things that don't matter at work, the busy work, delegate too, refine your processes, then focus on the parts that truly make an impact.

It's about four times my whole salary and I'm very experienced and at the top of my game. I call Stealth Boast on this thread

I stayed till I bought a house I wanted then changed to a lower paid job with supposedly less stress. My hours are far better, the work stress is less though it's still there, I'm just getting paid less for it. Everyone says I look better for it though!

Don't give up all your healthy years killing yourself for the job at the expense of your family. Leave some time for yourself if you can and change to a job at a point you define.

I'm sure you are, but doesn't it also depend on your industry and location?

Your entire salary is £10k? Presumably you are not full time?

I'm 70 now. I faced your decisions and like you went for the money. The joy of spending soon goes, and the taxman just takes bigger chunks. Earning becomes addictive and so very hard to walk away from . I really wouldn't do it again, I would prioritise a deeper relationship with my children and the joy of just living. I'm camping with some of my grandchildren at the moment (obviously I'm in a decent motorhome so they do take the mickey) and I envy their lifestyle so much. I just wish I hadn't wasted my entire life on something I truthfully didn't enjoy. Remember we only get this one shot...

I think that's a good decision. You are still young. You will look back in ten years and be glad you stuck it out and invested in this. It will give your family such fantastic stability to have financial security. I'd make sure you know how to invest/save wisely towards your children's uni and weddings and so on. Putting money into the house is an investment and a way of enjoying it at the same time.
I would only think about leaving if the job affects your health. If you are crying regularly or or have signs of mental stress that is too much and not just a passing thing. If you can find a way to handle the work-load it will set you up for life. Well done for doing so well.

Perhaps just taking it a week at a time might lessen the stress. Knowing you can leave if you want is always a thought worth keeping. Deciding to postpone when to leave, just holding on a bit longer, is within your power, which should give you a bit of reassurance when the work-load gets heavy. Good luck. I hope it gets better as time goes on.

Thank you to everyone's advice and I apologise if it was tone deaf, it was meant to be but this had massively helped me look at my situation objectively.
I have a PA and project support, I don't have help at home we have done previously but we don't currently - we don't hugely need it. It's only DH and I mainly, so we don't make a huge mess. We haven't been able to have kids, maybe that was the price we paid for this.
I do have a life outside of work, I make time for me daily even if it feels like a rush or I need to get up at dawn to fit it in, but I don't have loads of 'down time' DH and I have regular 'date' nights and always make time for each other even if it's an hour a day.
I'm not crying or having panic attacks at work, it's just a grind and under constant pressure but if I truly honest I'm guilty of taking on too much. I have imposter syndrome so probably try to compensate for that. The saddest thing about this thread as it's left me feeling hugely guilty for my salary.
Why shouldn't I take the money for now, plenty of people (men) do? I do a valuable job and contribute to society with the work we deliver, so if I don't take the money to benefit my family - someone else will.

Well done OP on the rise.

Make the sacrifice work for you.

I certainly would be making the money/effort mean something by not blowing it but investing enough that if in 5 years things change.

Any of us at any age are only ever weeks away from a life changing diagnosis so if you have the opportunity to have a nest egg, go for it.

How you feel now, may not be how you feel in 5 years.

Make that money be the opportunity to have more choices in your future, should you ever need to.

I am a prudent person though.

A financial safety net is worth so much IMO to your peace of mind.

You don't have to justify yourself to us. Good for you on earning so well.

If you don't require support at home, how about a mentor or coach to help you 'say no' and moderate your workload more?

@Hop27 you absolutely should not feel bad for earning what you do. You clearly work hard for it, and you're right, a man would not be questioned about his earnings. The double standards on MN are astounding.