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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH letting son surf alone on holiday

172 replies

MrsPPP · 10/08/2023 21:56

My family and I are currently on holiday and we went to the beach to go souvenir shopping. My youngest son (13 years old with ADHD) was bored so DH took him to the beach to dip his toes in the sea while myself and my older son continued shopping.

I come back to the beach to find DH has bought DS a small surf board and is letting him swim in the sea with moderate waves whilst he is watching from the shore.

I am not against him learning to surf and if DH was in the water with him and a life guard was on the beach, it would be different. Anyway, I went mental! I panicked and after a nice man in the sea flagged my son down and brought him to shore, I had a massive go at DH. I am livid but I’m not sure if I’m overprotective or if others would also be fuming.
If anything would have happened, I never would have forgiven DH.
AIBU?

DS can swim fairly well but has only swam in a pool.

OP posts:
Yellowlegobrick · 10/08/2023 21:59

This is tricky. Your DH was watching from shore, no? When you say he can swim "fairly well", what do you mean, has he had a few years of proper lessons and got to stage 6 or 7 or so? Able to swim say, 800m in a pool?

As a child my father couldnt swim himself, so him being in the water with me wouldn't have helped at all.

UpaladderwatchingTV · 10/08/2023 22:04

Personally I think you're being a bit OTT, you say that your DS can swim in a pool, and if that's the case, then to my mind there's no reason why he can't swim in the sea. How's he ever going to gain any confidence if you don't let him. You don't say that your DH can't swim, so presumably if he'd thought anything was amiss, surely he'd have gone in after him. Just my own thoughts, but as another person called your DS in and brought him to shore, then it doesn't really sound like he was in much danger.

Original poster
MrsPPP · 10/08/2023 22:05

He had his 2 years of swimming with primary school. I really don’t know about how many meters but he gets tired treading water in the deep end of a pool but could probably swim several lengths of a standard pool.
I think adding waves and open water to the situation is what has frightened me.

OP posts:
Shortandpale · 10/08/2023 22:07

If he can swim in a pool, then swimming in the sea shouldn't be too much of a problem at 13, unless he swam out from the shore and far out of his depth. It all depends on how far he can swim, how deep it was, was it a safe area to swim?

If it was his first time on a small surf board, I imagine he spent lots of time falling in.

TregunaMekoides · 10/08/2023 22:08

It would depend where you were, but somewhere in the UK like on the Cornish coast I would not be overly happy. I grew up with a healthy respect for the sea and if they're not experienced in sea swimming, to let your kid out alone trying to surf is not a choice I personally would condone.

If you are in the Med then possibly different.

Anoisagusaris · 10/08/2023 22:09

Was it a surf board or body board? A surf board would be pretty pricey! How far out was he?

Lucy377 · 10/08/2023 22:09

It's really about how deep the water is, if stays shallow or what.

Or if the kid is lying on the board not noticing how far out he is paddling himself.

Lucy377 · 10/08/2023 22:12

Don't regret being over cautious where children, floatable toys and the open sea is concerned.

Original poster
MrsPPP · 10/08/2023 22:12

He has no experience swimming in the sea and he went fairly far out. He did fall in a lot and I believe it’s a body board

OP posts:
SoftSheen · 10/08/2023 22:13

Do you mean a body board? I doubt he would be able to surf without a lesson or two and some practice. If he was body boarding, you can do this in waist-deep water, so it can be pretty safe. It's always a good idea to swim on a beach with lifeguards though, so I'm with you there.

StSwithinsDay · 10/08/2023 22:13

you say that your DS can swim in a pool, and if that's the case, then to my mind there's no reason why he can't swim in the sea.

What???? There is a massive difference between swimming in a pool and swimming in the sea.

Original poster
MrsPPP · 10/08/2023 22:14

StSwithinsDay · 10/08/2023 22:13

you say that your DS can swim in a pool, and if that's the case, then to my mind there's no reason why he can't swim in the sea.

What???? There is a massive difference between swimming in a pool and swimming in the sea.

Exactly!

OP posts:
TregunaMekoides · 10/08/2023 22:15

MrsPPP · 10/08/2023 22:12

He has no experience swimming in the sea and he went fairly far out. He did fall in a lot and I believe it’s a body board

I think YANBU at all then.
If there's a rip tide or even a little sea shelf where the floor suddenly drops away, he could have been in real trouble on his own. I would not have been happy if DH hadn't gone in with him.

Paq · 10/08/2023 22:16

If lots of other people were in the sea it's likely that it was safe. He's 13, not 3. You can't take a kid to a beach and then tell them they're not allowed in the sea.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/08/2023 22:16

Equating swimming in a pool to swimming in the ocean is absolutely fucking bonkers.

milkshakee · 10/08/2023 22:18

I wouldn't have been happy.

Even the calmest sea can take the most competent swimmer to water out of their depth when on a float/ board/ inflatable.

Especially as your ds is not familiar with the sea.

Maybe the compromise is dh stays with ds - watching from the shore isn't much help if ds gets in trouble- let's be honest being in the sea dh could struggle to help ds but at least he's closer and can actually tell him he's going too far out or tell him what to do etc.

The sea can be so dangerous.

Original poster
MrsPPP · 10/08/2023 22:19

Paq · 10/08/2023 22:16

If lots of other people were in the sea it's likely that it was safe. He's 13, not 3. You can't take a kid to a beach and then tell them they're not allowed in the sea.

He is 13 but has ADHD and is very impulsive. I didn’t have to watch his older brothers the same way I do him at 13.
I never said he couldn’t swim. I am mad that DH didn’t go in with him on his first time in what seemed to be decent waves

OP posts:
Hairyfairy01 · 10/08/2023 22:19

It was a body board, so his feet could most likely touch the sea bed. His dad was keeping an eye on him. Other people were also around. I'm struggling to see the issue unless perhaps the sea had huge waves, in which case I doubt many others would have been in the water. At 13 your ds should be taking some accountability as well. He clearly thought it was safe.

Delatron · 10/08/2023 22:19

It depends where you are really. If somewhere like Cornwall, Wales, or any country on the Atlantic coast then the sea can be dangerous- rip tides etc.

If you’re in the Med and there are just gentle waves (no rip tides) it’s a bit safer.

But no I wouldn’t be happy with this. My kids are 13/14 and strong swimmers (better than me can swim a mile in open water) and I would want DH in the sea with them when surfing.

There’s a huge difference between swimming a few lengths in a pool and the sea (with currents/Rip tides etc).

AuntMarch · 10/08/2023 22:19

I'd 100% want DC to be in-between dad and the beach at all times if it is his first time in the sea. Yanbu.

SoShallINever · 10/08/2023 22:20

Which beach? My DC have body boarded from being tiny and surf well. However we had a rule, only on RNLI patrolled beaches and only in the delegated areas.
Would your DS know what to do if he got caught in a rip tide?

CattyCattle · 10/08/2023 22:21

Bodyboarding is fine and dad was watching him. He's 13 not 3.

StSwithinsDay · 10/08/2023 22:21

If lots of other people were in the sea it's likely that it was safe.

Another bonkers suggestion.

Curtains70 · 10/08/2023 22:22

Depends really. Where are you? Gentle waves in the med and DH watching then no problem at 13 really.

More dangerous sea or ocean then yes maybe a problem.

StSwithinsDay · 10/08/2023 22:23

Bodyboarding is fine and dad was watching him. He's 13 not 3.

We were at a beach last year. Lots of people body boarding. A 14 year old got carried out to sea on a rip tide. He was eventually retrieved by a group of divers who had a rigid inflatable boat. Only for them he may have died.

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