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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH letting son surf alone on holiday

172 replies

MrsPPP · 10/08/2023 21:56

My family and I are currently on holiday and we went to the beach to go souvenir shopping. My youngest son (13 years old with ADHD) was bored so DH took him to the beach to dip his toes in the sea while myself and my older son continued shopping.

I come back to the beach to find DH has bought DS a small surf board and is letting him swim in the sea with moderate waves whilst he is watching from the shore.

I am not against him learning to surf and if DH was in the water with him and a life guard was on the beach, it would be different. Anyway, I went mental! I panicked and after a nice man in the sea flagged my son down and brought him to shore, I had a massive go at DH. I am livid but I’m not sure if I’m overprotective or if others would also be fuming.
If anything would have happened, I never would have forgiven DH.
AIBU?

DS can swim fairly well but has only swam in a pool.

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 12/08/2023 21:39

I am with you 100%, Op.

ChocBanana · 12/08/2023 21:59

I’ve studied risk management. Statistically stronger swimmers are more likely to drown in the sea than weak ones because they tend to underestimate the power of the water against their own abilities. (Notwithstanding falling overboard and so on, obviously)
I would have only been happy if he had been in a safely defined area and not out of reach and if my husband was watching him like a hawk.

Willyoujustbequiet · 12/08/2023 22:04

Aquamarine1029 · 10/08/2023 22:16

Equating swimming in a pool to swimming in the ocean is absolutely fucking bonkers.

This

I can't believe the stupidity of some replies comparing the two. Absolutely beggars belief

Catza · 12/08/2023 22:25

Wow, so many assumptions are made from minimal information offered. A shallow Mediterranean Sea is turned into Cornish surfing death trap, dad has been assumed to not have given instructions… Someone even went as far as mention a whopping 4 deaths on that beach in the last 10 years (I bet you top dollar it’s drunk tourists).
The truth is likely that a teenager was paddling near the shore on a body board with his dad watching just a few meters away.

Wintercomesoon · 12/08/2023 23:08

This is why so many English people drown each year . No respect or understanding of the ocean and its rip currents. YANBU.

Wintercomesoon · 12/08/2023 23:12

Hairyfairy01 · 10/08/2023 22:19

It was a body board, so his feet could most likely touch the sea bed. His dad was keeping an eye on him. Other people were also around. I'm struggling to see the issue unless perhaps the sea had huge waves, in which case I doubt many others would have been in the water. At 13 your ds should be taking some accountability as well. He clearly thought it was safe.

That is not how body boards work. You can body board in water if any depth. You paddle out with your arms, not your legs.

Caerulea · 12/08/2023 23:13

I live by the Atlantic & too many posts here showing exactly why close friends & DH have had to rescue ppl (alive & dead) from the sea.

Honestly really fucking depressing. OP you were not wrong.

RudsyFarmer · 12/08/2023 23:18

I am completely hysterical about my kids and the sea so I’m with you. I am always convinced a current will drag them
out so I sometimes just burst into tears if they go further and further out and the sea isn’t completely calm.

Andthereyougo · 12/08/2023 23:20

Totally depends where he was, currents, state of the tide. Two kids drowned just up the road from me a few weeks ago, caught in a rip tide but not far from the beach.
I’ve had to yell at a man to get off the beach , he had 30-40 seconds before being totally cut off. He had to climb over rocks, waist deep in water with a toddler on his back. He’d been stood on sand minutes before. I had my phone out ready to call the coastguard as I knew how the tide runs and he had no other way out.
You were not overreacting. Never mess with the sea, it’s more powerful than any of us.

JudgeAnderson · 12/08/2023 23:23

@LizzieSiddal that's for riding foam. You can and do swim out to sea using a bodyboad by kicking your legs and possibly paddling with one arm, in order to get beyond the waves breaking and ride unbroken waves alongside the surfers. Fins make this much easier and are in important piece of safety equipment too.

NewName122 · 12/08/2023 23:36

If he can swim yabu.

ASGIRC · 12/08/2023 23:49

IWantOutDoI · 10/08/2023 22:35

I never imagined that would be a problem really. My son has ADHD, had only the random swimming classes they normally have in state schools (pretty much like me, we have no fancy crawl style or anything of the sort. I started swimming in deep sea waters with someone watching from the shore or a boat when I was 12, my son 3 years earlier than that.

What you describe, playing at the beach while someone was watching from nearby, we start doing around 8, as long as you know how to avoid rip currents, how to swim out of one and not to disturb poisonous fish, you are fine. Obviously, freak accidents can happen but those can happen on dry land too.

Right?! I was probably 6 by the time I was in the water with supervision. By 10 my mom would not even move from the towel!
Cant even say I was very aware of rip tides until much much later! (And this was the Atlantic ocean) They are not THAT common, anyway (and yes, they are dangerous, but they dont appear all that often!)

Also a body board is a really really good flotation device!

SkySecret · 12/08/2023 23:54

MrsPPP · 10/08/2023 22:05

He had his 2 years of swimming with primary school. I really don’t know about how many meters but he gets tired treading water in the deep end of a pool but could probably swim several lengths of a standard pool.
I think adding waves and open water to the situation is what has frightened me.

That doesn’t sound like he can swim “fairly well”, that sounds basic at best. Swimming is a life skill, 2 years with primary isn’t enough.

2023issucky · 13/08/2023 00:16

Both my girls are boarders and have spent years swimming and boarding in the sea. However, we always go to a lifeguarded beach and most of the time I am in with them, if not I'm watching them. Dd1 is 20 and DD2 js 16.
I wouldn't be too happy tbh. Does your son know about tide times, rop currents and how to cope if he gets caught out in a current or finds himself too far out?

Gingerwarthog · 13/08/2023 00:16

Experienced sea swimmer here. YANBU.
Conditions can change quickly, your reactions can change when you get cold/ tired.
A child who has no experience of the sea should not be in the sea without an adult - especially the first time they body board.
Being able to do a few lengths in the pool is not adequate preparation and you are right to be furious.
Enjoy the sea but respect it and be aware of your own limitations.

justasking111 · 13/08/2023 00:23

Living by the sea our council have a guy on a quad bike going up and down all day issuing advice depending on the state of the tide. We have an inshore lifeboat, last summer they had on average three shouts a week in the school holidays. Folks getting stuck on sandbanks or cut off by the tide. We've had three drownings in the last month.

School swimming lessons in wave free pools does not a good swimmer make.

JellyTipisthebest · 13/08/2023 00:53

Generally a good rule is go when there are other people in the water, learn how to identify a rip and know what to do. Going when there are either life guards are surfer is the safest. Ideally life guards but this is often not possible. As long as there are other people in the water a adult actively watching from the shaw is safer than a adult also doing the activity ANYBODY can get caught out, having someone watching out for you is key.

Ottersmith · 13/08/2023 01:14

Seems like the people with the most swimming experience are the ones with he biggest respect for the sea. You were right to be angry, he was being irresponsible. Anything could have happened.

Net123456 · 13/08/2023 01:39

I live in the Canaries and Friday was actually yellow warning for rough seas and costal events all day so people accusing op of being OTT/hysterical I would guess are unaware of this, all boat trips where I am were cancelled Saturday due to sea conditions. In these circumstances you were right to be concerned and local conditions should always be taken into account.

Wintercomesoon · 13/08/2023 04:59

ASGIRC · 12/08/2023 23:49

Right?! I was probably 6 by the time I was in the water with supervision. By 10 my mom would not even move from the towel!
Cant even say I was very aware of rip tides until much much later! (And this was the Atlantic ocean) They are not THAT common, anyway (and yes, they are dangerous, but they dont appear all that often!)

Also a body board is a really really good flotation device!

Show quote history

Ripcurrents are extremely common !! I give up with the stupidity on this thread .

Wintercomesoon · 13/08/2023 05:01

Inflatables see also good flotation devices and life guards are constantly rescuing children who have floated out to sea on them because parents do not want to get in the after and supervise their children properly.

Wintercomesoon · 13/08/2023 05:02
  • get in the water
Kryten1958 · 13/08/2023 05:35

Surprising things can also be a danger.
A few years ago my DS was surfing while I was on the shore. Even though it was not very sunny, I insisted that he had plenty of suntan lotion on to keep him safe.
Although he was a strong swimmer he got into difficulty and had to be rescued by the life guard, the lotion had made his skin slippery and (combined with fatigue) prevented him from climbing back onto the board.
The lifeguard gave him a withering look and said "you amateur".

Remaker · 13/08/2023 05:41

I’m Australian and the responses in this thread reinforce why we have so many tourists drowning on our beaches every year.

Rip currents are COMMON not rare! FGS if you’re only going to learn one thing, make it that.

Don’t take your kids swimming at unpatrolled beaches. There is nobody to help you if you get into trouble.

Body boards can be dangerous if you don’t learn how to use them properly. The wave sucks the nose down and you can be flipped over and driven headfirst into the sand. Spinal injuries are very common at the beach.

Drowning is not a rare occurrence in countries with a swimming/water sports culture. I personally know two people who have drowned. A teenage friend in a river and a colleague who swam out to help her teenage sons in the ocean. They survived but she did not.

There is no such thing as being too cautious around the ocean. YANBU.

ThePoetsWife · 13/08/2023 07:47

RudsyFarmer · 12/08/2023 23:18

I am completely hysterical about my kids and the sea so I’m with you. I am always convinced a current will drag them
out so I sometimes just burst into tears if they go further and further out and the sea isn’t completely calm.

You need to be proactive and stop them from doing this again.

Way too many kids are drowning - rip currents are very common and the RNLI are always rescuing people being swept out to sea.