DH letting son surf alone on holiday

[MrsPPP]

My family and I are currently on holiday and we went to the beach to go souvenir shopping. My youngest son (13 years old with ADHD) was bored so DH took him to the beach to dip his toes in the sea while myself and my older son continued shopping.

I come back to the beach to find DH has bought DS a small surf board and is letting him swim in the sea with moderate waves whilst he is watching from the shore.

I am not against him learning to surf and if DH was in the water with him and a life guard was on the beach, it would be different. Anyway, I went mental! I panicked and after a nice man in the sea flagged my son down and brought him to shore, I had a massive go at DH. I am livid but I’m not sure if I’m overprotective or if others would also be fuming.
If anything would have happened, I never would have forgiven DH.
AIBU?

DS can swim fairly well but has only swam in a pool.

Some people are idiots

Surprising things can also be a danger.
A few years ago my DS was surfing while I was on the shore. Even though it was not very sunny, I insisted that he had plenty of suntan lotion on to keep him safe.
Although he was a strong swimmer he got into difficulty and had to be rescued by the life guard, the lotion had made his skin slippery and (combined with fatigue) prevented him from climbing back onto the board.
The lifeguard gave him a withering look and said "you amateur".

If your DS is surfing in the UK or anywhere really in Western Europe, he should really have a summer weight (3/2) wetsuit on and also his board should be waxed. This will prevent the issues you described.

Teach your son how to float on his back. Tell him you won't be cross if he looses his board. Tell about riptides and how to spot and avoid them. Teach him about swimming parallel to the shore if in difficulty to get to a different area. Let him body board when the tide is coming in.

My grandma lived by the sea till I was 6 and I remember this from back then (no body board, but swimming)

Level 6 or 7 or whatever in a clear, safe, calm, small pool isn't comparable to swimming in the sea with unpredictable currents, saltwater, poor visibility, rocks, wind, etc. You weren't being U. Problem is when you think swimming is the same in a swimming pool or the sea - one is hugely more unpredictable and dangerous.

You were not wrong to be very upset.

The sea is very unpredictable and clearly your husband had no idea what he let your son stroll into, with NO lifeguard on duty if he got into difficulty.

He's really very dim.

The level your son is at through school lessons is definitely very average and would be no match for an even mildly rough sea with waves and a possible current that no one can see from the beach.

Is he good at floating to help him stay calm?
Does he know to swim parallel to the beach, not against a current if he gets caught in one?

Does your husband know that most people drowning cannot make a sound or wave their arms to draw attention to themselves?

Most drownings in pools or the sea happen quickly and very quietly.

Ignorance and over confidence are lethal when it comes to water.

Book him in some swimming lessons when you get back! School swimming lessons only teach you the basics! This is the one class you should if possible pay for as a parent...it's never too late, you'll learn safety skills too. You can get junior lifeguard type lessons or try local swimming club for older kids....as he probably won't want to do lessons with little kids at council pool. So important.

Some of the responses on this thread explain why so many people get into trouble in the sea - they have no clue how dangerous it is! It's nothing like a pool. There are sudden drops, rip tides, currents, much colder temperatures, weather changes.
You can drown in 2 inches of water so there's never any guarantee of safety.
Even experienced sea swimmers get in difficulty. A young teen with no experience of sea swimming, poor swimming skills (a couple of terms of school swimming isn't enough) and no experience with a board should have an adult beside them.

I am 40 years old, have lived by the Atlantic ocean all my life, and have seen, in real lide, exactly ZERO rip currents.
My country has a very very large coast line, and, believe it or not, people being caught in rip tides is not major news.

They happen, but they are not there all the time.
Catastrophising is also not helpful.
And sure, having a flotation device doesn't mean you won't get into trouble, but it means you can stay above water for longer without getting tired.

Why have kids with a man you don't trust? He's his father; he assessed the situation and was supervising. You sound controlling and ridiculous.

@MrsPPP i don’t blame you for being mad - sea swimming is different entity to swimming pools where there are no currents and tides to contend with. Your DH should be out with him supervising. If he enjoys it maybe see about signing your child up for open water safety lessons (mine did them through RNLI). People don’t respect the sea enough unfortunately.

Flipping heck! He’s 13! A little over protective. Bet he was having a great time.

@purplehair1 its not the age it’s their swimming ability that counts

Maybe you don't know what one looks like then - they aren't an urban myth.

I'm also guessing you've not watched ppl being carried off of beaches with broken bones or a broken neck from being dumped in the sand while using a bodyboard.

A lot of this thread makes me think most ppl should never be allowed in the sea. Or even near it! Just last night DH had to tell a parent to get their kid away from the edge of the water, a few minutes later the place he was standing was completely swamped - he'd have been swept out or smashed to bits.

But hey ho, let's not catastrophise...

WTF?!
No, I havent seen people being carried off the beach with broken necks. And most of my friends do bodyboard and surf!

And I do know exactly what a rip tide looks like, but I havent EVER seen one in real life. Because they are not an every day occurrence. Period.
And you get taught to not fight it, or to swim across it and not against it.

How many rip tides have YOU been caught in?

I’m on the Cornish coast and today for example only very experienced surfers were out. I walked down to the beach and lifeguards were out in force, driving up and down reminding people to stay between the flags.

If my DH had let one of our kids in the sea today I would have been livid (and our kids are very very strong swimmers).

But we often go to Knoll Beach in Dorset and I wouldn’t be as concerned there as it’s a completely different ‘kind’ of sea.

School swimming is next to useless.

I'd have been body boarding in the sea at places like croyde, between the flags but not with parents, at 13.

I'd had years of good quality private swimming lessons, school swimming on top, been swimming in the sea since childhood, knew what to do in a current, had done long distance swim badges eg 2 mile/3km.

After 2 years of school swimming? No fucking way. I understand why you were mad OP. Get your DC some proper swimming lessons asap. School lessons are an absolute basic minimum - the national curriculum requirement is only 25 metres - my 6 year old can manage it.

To add though - ive never seen anypne carried off beaches with broken bones from body boarding, or seen anyone swept out by a rip tide in the UK.

I've seen a weak/non swimmer given an inflatable and allowed to drift out of depth unsupervised (in very calm sheltered safe swimming spot). I had to swim out and rescue them.

In my experience most swim incidents involve weak/non swimmers in otherwise nor especially dangerous water, as opposed to strong swimmers in dangerous tides etc - as good swimmers tend to know to simply not swim when its not safe.

The best thing you can do is get your child years and years of good swimming lessons - not to the level of a lap or two of a 25m pool, to "strong swimmer" level where they can manage say 40 laps comfortably and have learned proper water safety.

Same area & a lot of my friends are ex/retired lifeguards or current lifeguards. DH helps train the surf school. The things the LG have all been through begger belief, most ppl simply wouldn't imagine the horror you can deal with in that job. Which is why my hackles go up when ppl brush off the sea.

There are probably very few ppl living along this coast that HAVEN'T had to intervene in naive behaviour on the beaches.

A friend's DH and teenage son had to rescue 2 youngsters from the sea when they got caught in a rip tide, I'm sure these type of rescues happen a lot more than we hear about

I'd be mental too. Watching from shore is too far away to help or to notice when your boy gets too tired. Even in a very safe bay sheltered from wind and wave you can get tides. Strong swimmers down just as fast as weak because sea is dangerous.
Did he have buoyancy aid or life jacket? Has he had sea safety lessons teaching him how to stay safe and float etc?
Even if he had all of above I would want someone out on water with him.

Not helpful to the OP. But can I take this opportunity to point out the RNLI and Swim England's Safe Swim initiative. They run a free informative swim day at lots of venues round the UK, it's well worth doing. All my kids have done them and it has been invaluable as we live near the sea.

https://swimsafe.org.uk/about

No i wouldnt, - 13 is very young, the sea is unrelenting, what if a riptide came and washed him out? Unless he was in with him - then YANBU.