We are this family. Currently live abroad in a big, beautiful and expensive house. Lived previously in the UK in ‘the’ local house (everyone knew it). Children (4) were previously all at private school, now all in state (going private in the country we’re in doesn’t have the same benefits as in the UK), we have/had a swimming pool, big garden etc. We have nice holidays but not crazy, children can do any activity they want but we don’t spend our income: we don’t much care about handbags, labels etc. I’ll pay for quality but not to keep up with my neighbours… you would have no idea how much money we have if you met me. We love giving away money though and feel privileged to be able to do so: I would miss that if it all ended.
My husband earns extremely well. Silly amounts. He works for it though: long stressful hours. Sometimes he enjoys it, sometimes not.
I was in the City in London until our first child. Then I got seriously physically ill (unrelated to the baby) and stopped. I never went back: hated it. Face time, politics and boring boring work. Instead I’ve been building a career in a different sector whilst also having three more children and living abroad twice (with husband’s work). I’ve got two Master’s and am trying to finish a PhD which will allow me to launch something on my own.
I have however just been diagnosed with a burnout. Trying to research, run the house (we have a p/t cleaner and someone for the garden we but otherwise nothing), admin our lives and support and facilitate the children has brought me to my knees. Moving abroad certainly was a huge contributing factor but not the only
one. Two members of a couple both trying to “have it all” is not possible without substantial help and sacrifice in other areas. I have to accept I can’t be at every school event if I also want to work 40hrs a week. This makes me feel cheated and sad but it’s a reality.
The area we currently live in is hugely affluent. Many people here have eye watering sums of money. Multi multi millions and beyond. Are they happy? Some. Some not. I know of many women in loveless, sometimes abusive, marriages, many who drink to excess or have eating disorders. I know for a fact that levels of depression here are higher than average. But I also know women who are content and grateful (with the caveat that these are normally in the well-off but not crazy rich families).
Are we/am I happy? Sometimes. Sometimes not.
Key for me is a) my marriage: my husband is my absolute best friend and our relationship is rock solid, b) having purpose outside of being a “rich man’s wife” (I do not personally feel my children suffice in this respect) and c) using our money to benefit others.