If you have a big lovely house and you don't work.... AIBU?

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

Lighthearted ... walked the dog today. Walked a new route and into a lovely neighbourhood...private road... massive big houses with front gardens and even bigger back gardens...beautiful and houses I could only dream of.
So it had me thinking about what's inside .... of course this isn't reality for everyone but....answer me this:
If YOU live in one of these big beautiful houses (let's just assume it's whatever YOU consider to be big) and you have the lifestyle that means your partner/OH works...long hours let's say, but you have the kids and you get to shop or go to the gym daily, ho for coffee with your girlfriends etc... ARE YOU HAPPY? TRULY HAPPY?
If you are...what makes you happy?
If you are NOT happy...what's the reason?

I'm asking as it would be a fairy tale for me to live in a beautiful house like this, not having to work, but we never will and I have to work full time for our modest 3 bed semi. I'm jealous of you if you are lucky enough to have this lifestyle...BUT on balance I'm happy, so is the grass greener? AIBU to be jealous?

Discuss! And if you are in MY boat, what fo YOU think of this lifestyle ?

I love my end of terrace 3 bed house. I shall live in it til I die I reckon.
Lovely neighbours, convenient for public transport, local shops, no crucifying mortgage. Perfect.

Interestingly I spent my teen years in a house as you describe. Barely saw parents as dad worked 7 days a week and mum part time in order to afford it!
It was always freezing as off the main services so extortionate oil heating. We were miles from anywhere, no friends to hang out with.
Here, my kids can meet up with friends, walk into town, to local leisure centre or grab a train so easily.
Much prefer my smaller house ❤️

3 bed detached here not massive but not small. OH works full time I work 30 hours around the school hours, absolutely HATED mat leave…the SAHM life is not for me.

I think if I had millions and didn’t have to work I’d be happy because we’d have enough money to fill our time. But definitely wouldn’t like to live in a big house with a partner that works all of the time I’d be so bored/lonely.

Forgot to say…very happy with life how we are. Wouldn’t mind a bigger house but certainly wouldn’t sacrifice any of our quality time for it

Still hoping for a lottery win :)

I was very happy. It went pear shaped but for 14 years i was just fine day to day and extremely happy at times. Never bored or unfulfilled

I'd hate struggling with money but it's still only part of the puzzle for me.

One thing I hated with a passion was all the bullshit that comes with most corporate jobs. The networking. The 'pick me' arse kissing to important clients as an incumbent supplier. The stupid stories/articles on LinkedIn written purely to generate traffic. 'Engagement' of pretty much any kind. It's all such a load of disingenuous bollocks although I appreciate some people love it.

I'm much happier on £46k in a cheapish part of the country than I was when chasing the money and I was finished before 3pm on three days this week and home from gym by 5pm. I love never being stressed at work or thinking about it when I leave. Also not taking any bullshit even from bosses because I already have 5-6 local companies trying to get me to work for them and don't need references.

Fitness is also important to me too. Like what's the point of having loads of money and a nice car if you look like shit when you climb out of it and waddle away lol.

Everyone thinks living in a posh house is the dream, but I have worked as a live in carer doing end of life work in London; In mind blowing fabulous houses. I had my own attached living accommodation; I was mostly looking after the wife of a very wealthy men, once it was the reverse, looking after husband. In the majority of situations the well partner was off hunting for the next partner. You know you can have a huge impressive house, money to maintain it, but if you do not have your health and a partner who is going to ride the storms with you...the house is nothing. I have seen so many lonely people who are trying to come to terms with their end of life......big house, those who I am helping to go into care homes. They are all scared and I have sat with them on the death bed, listening to their stories, usually their regrets......they just want to be seen, heard and they just wanted to valued and lived their live with integrity. Yes the death bed was the point when it hit them......money, flash house, means nothing when you have no one but me their.....no friends, family obviously waiting for the end. Partner looking for the next conquest.

I also looked after a famous actress in SW1, her husband, another act left her in her 40's for another woman and then committed suicide a few years later. She never got over losing him, never had another relationship.

Another flash house, which was declining; looking after a very well known wealthy bafta winner. He was an alcoholic and drank himself to death, his wife was never around.....she was focused on living her life.

So what I am saying the size, the value of your house means nothing, the rich people also have their struggles. It all boils down to how you have lived your life and if you have been successful then those people will be their for you in you finial hour. That's when you can say you have lived a successful life.

Tired to be that person but was horrendously bored, and watched the clock the entire day. But equally know people who are very happy with the arrangement. . . . Or so they say.

I think it boils down to having a purpose. I have lived in a 2-up-2down terrace with DH and DC .. kids small, I didn’t work but was busy with them as DH travelled a lot. Now live in large 4 bed detached which I love . DH sadly died. Kids adults now making their own lives. I ran DH’s business but now it’s very quiet. I find the house very expensive to run — always something to repair/replace and the running costs ! I’ve resorted to hosting Airbnb in my home as a little income and life ! But actually running DH’s business, tho I didn’t want to at first, gave me a sense of purpose. There, that’s my summation!

Once the children came along I worked part time term time only as no help with the children. Once our youngest was 15 my husband was promoted and earned enough for me to leave work as I wasn’t happy and I’ve never looked back. I must be the only person on here who loves being at home and am happy. I don’t miss working and there are always jobs to do. It helps I like my own company. Horses for courses.

But families with no money face challenges like illness and divorce. Every family faces challenges. Some aspects of them are easier with money.

I don’t have a big house or fancy lifestyle but I haven’t been allowed to work in 17 years due to my visa and I can honestly say I would not change that if I had a choice. I spend my days sewing and watching tv shows and I love it. I’d love it even more with money and more rooms though

If staying at home while your partner works and makes the money is such a great thing, why don’t more men do it?

Personally I envy stay at home wives for feeling they can put that much trust in their husband.

@TrixieMixie I'd envy those men who trust their 'bored' housewives who are at home all lonely and neglected... you'd love to hear the stories my tradesmen friends tell us and don't even get me started on our pal whose a postie!! Who knew you don't have to go into an office and wear a suit to have an affair!

I live in a lovely big house and have another big house in a popular holiday destination (U.K.)
I gave up work several years ago but I’ve recently started working 1 day a week but not for income, just because I enjoy it. We have lots of holidays, nice lifestyle on the whole but I am not truly truly happy no. I don’t want to work, I like my lifestyle, I like having the kids education paid for, I like all the trappings of money. I don’t like my DH. He’s a controlling asshole but we don’t spend much time together and I’m here for my kids. We will v probably split when youngest goes to Uni. Although we live pretty separate lives so maybe not. I’m certainly not unhappy but if I could have the lifestyle minus him I’d be much happier. On the other hand I’d rather be with him than be poor.

Our house isn't huge but a nice 4 bed detached in a (much too large) garden in a lovely quiet lane. DH and I met quite late in life and were financially sorted (both owned houses without a mortgage as that was doable back in the day) - so when we bought this we were able to pool our finances and not have to worry too much. I had a good career for 25 years but gave up when I had the children, and took a part time term time job on minimum wage just to keep my brain alive. I work 9 hours a week but for the stimulation rather than the money (although a bit of pocket money of my own is nice)

I know we are very lucky - and our 'luck' came from being born in a time when houses were affordable, and from working very hard when we were younger. I had a mortgage at 21, and worked evenings, weekends, overtime, and took in lodgers. I shopped around to get the cheapest food options (13p faggots from the butchers) and always did my own DIY etc. DH was similar.

I do feel for people nowadays who can do all those things and still never even get on the housing ladder. Plus rents are just not affordable. My DCs are teens - DD would love to leave home and have a single life but I just can't see how that can ever happen for her. At least we may be able to help a bit.

But to go back to your question - yes, we are very happy. But I think that is because I do still work. I also do my husband's books. He has a self employed business alongside his three day a week employment, which takes a lot of time and work, so he is always busy. He also has an elderly mother who needs a lot of help to keep her (also large) garden under control, and various jobs round her house.

As well as my job, I have a huge garden that could take up all my time 24/7 - it's a bit of a millstone tbh although I do love it (but wonder what we will do when we are getting old and can't strim/climb ladders/trim hedges etc). The house is a period cottage and needs constant redecorating. The children are teens and need constant taxis. Life is great - and we are never bored. But I'm constantly stressed about all the DIY and housework that I'm not doing, or the 2 hours an evening it takes to water the garden when I'm shattered. I do meet friends for coffee or lunch occasionally but it's not a regular thing, and I'm currently massively behind on the work for my job because I have been ignoring it since the holidays started. So that is on my mind!

We are comfortable but not rich, and don't have much income. So no gardeners/cleaners/decorators etc. Our holiday is five days staying with friends on the south coast.

All first world problems and I know we are very lucky. We are all very happy - but certainly not bored rich 'housewives of wherever'......

I know more rich people then you can imagine with my work and I can tell you about 3/10 are truly happy.

Acquaintance was like this- bought a new massive house before they sold the first one as it was “too stressful” to buy and sell at the same time. Kids were late primary/early secondary at the time. Her dh did something unspecified but important and was away a lot. She became a vicar after the kids went to uni!

Just spent the day with my mum who's 77, she was reminiscing and adored the power dressing, company bullshit and work colleagues. My dad also worked long hours.
As teenagers, we were left to fend for our selves, cooking, laundry, cleaning, it made me very independent and I got out of home asap. My parents, during their time off, mostly moaned about their work management, colleagues and meaningless products. My memories of two working parents are very different than my mum's.

We've tried the whole two parents working full-time , part of me wants the kids to see me as a successful corporate work player but I really saw through my parents bullshit charade and despite not rocking mums shoulder padded jackets, it's still all business bullshit out there. I genuinely believe we're happier in the moderately big house but with one parent at home.
I have/ had a very specialised niche career so still do the odd paid weird thing, very privileged to see both sides. Am incredibly lucky and really appreciate and enjoy being mostly at home, dreaming up and chasing down my next thing.

I live in a large six bedroom detached house on the side of a golf course in a private road.
my partner has an average job doesn’t work long hours.
However my 13 year old is the home owner.
It’s a 1.5 million pound house…
bittersweet as he was awarded a large amount by the high court in London for birth injury to his brain after he was left for four hours in a chronic hypoxic state. He had. I heartbeat for 31 minutes.
He has cerebral palsy and learning difficulties but is such a fun amazing crazy dude.
I don’t work. I am paid an equivalent wage from his trust fund as I do the majority of care including sleepless nights when he’s wired so no way I could hold down a job.
Am I happy? Are we happy? Yes on the whole. Touch wood he has good health he’s happy.
He’s in his happy little bubble and won’t ever have to work as he has everything in life he needs. He has holiday allowances, new car allowance etc.
He’s not stressed life is cool he will never have any regular adult worries and I don’t think that’s a bad thing!!
He is amazing so there you are a tale of something different….used to live in a three bedroom housing association house prior to the settlement!

We live in a big house. After years of working, we are both now at home. I used to worry that I would miss work, after years of fairly high-flying work. It turns out I don’t.

That is really profound and important, thank you.

I had a dream of being a writer but I have always been too scared to sacrifice what I have to pursue it. If you don't succeed, are the sacrifices worth it???

"Is it worth it?" Is a question I often ponder. Was it worth it for the 4th placed Olympian or the bit-part actor or the rich, soulless businessperson?

The point is, if you had that much wealth you have far more choices and opportunities. If you like being at home and like being a parent, you can just do that, and it's far easier and more enjoyable with time and money. If you want to do anything else, including a job or studying for a more interesting job, or volunteering, you can. So of course most people would be far happier in that situation than without the luxury choices. People who are unhappy despite having wealth are unhappy due to other factors. (Although perhaps the super-ruch are made unhappy if they're lonely and paranoid, as a Guardian article suggested recently.)

I live in a big house, don't 'work', manage family budget and finances instead. Ensure that everything I do either saves money or makes money. I organise and assess everything in our family and liken my 'job' to a show biz agent, ensuring everyone can do their 'gig', (school organisation, shopping around for good deals on work travel, scheduling all related activities/equipment)that everyone has promotional/enhancement 'gigs' to do (after school activities, holidays, play dates), managing wardrobe and catering (food and clothes shopping) and ensuring 'adoring fans' get their special appearances (grandparents/wider family). All lighthearted, but honestly I work as hard and as professionally at this as I did when I was managing 3 countries and 250 people. Therefore I'm not bored or downtrodden. I claim the respect that is due for the importance of my work and the thoroughness that I put into it. The only thing that makes me sad about how I live and work, is that some people think it's only menial.

Agree with this👏

Hmmmm... what I found is all this stuff- like housework- expands to fill the time necessary. And most of it is unnecessary or at least doesn't need to be done at that level. Also eventually your clients will grow up and leave, and then what? It isn't easy to find other clients.