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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for DPs brother's dinner

267 replies

Beetmuffin · 10/08/2023 13:10

It's DP's birthday tomorrow and we were going to have a casual meal out at a nice pub (my treat). DP has just invited his brother to join us. He's nice guy, 30, bit immature for his age, single, doesn't have many friends and doesn't have a lot of money. The family kind of takes pity on him for every little life difficulty he faces and spoil him a lot. Which is why DP has invited him.

I'm totally fine with the brother coming along. But this also means I'm going to have to pay for DP's brother's meal too (it will end up being £50/60+ per head with desserts and drinks). I can't exactly pay for DP's and ask brother to pay for himself can I?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 14/08/2023 08:41

Doone21 · 14/08/2023 08:37

I would pay. It's rude to invite someone then not cover it but if he offers to split then say yes

OP didn't invite the DB. It was her DP who invited him along. Event has already happened.

Doone21 · 14/08/2023 09:37

Yes I did read that. But no matter who did the inviting it will still come across as rudeness to not pay

Coulditreallybe · 14/08/2023 13:59

Did he pay @Beetmuffin x

Tickyandtackyandjackiethebackie · 14/08/2023 15:24

Has he paid you get OP? I suspect not. In which case DP should give you the money back.
This is worse than when you get asked to split the bill and other on the table have chosen the most expensive items on the menu!

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 14/08/2023 15:51

I’m not sure why his brother would simply assume that he’s getting a free meal as a treat on his brother’s birthday. If it were me, I’d at least offer to pay for myself (if anything, he should offer to halve the bill so your husband is paid for between you).

Why not message him and say, “Just to say re the birthday meal - I didn’t want to assume that you and I would split the bill between us - I’ll cover all of DP’s meal so don’t worry about that!” Then it is clear that he’s expected to pay for his own order and not just assume he’s also being taken out at your expense.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 14/08/2023 15:54

^not sure how I missed the update as I did look to see all of your posts! Still stands - he should pay for his own and not expect a freebie. CF

determinedtomakethiswork · 14/08/2023 20:09

He sounds completely pathetic. You'd hope he'd have more self respect than to hide in the toilets hoping his SIL will pay for his dinner. And he's so greedy to choose expensive options when he had no intention of paying.

What you do now is absolutely crucial.

Inertia · 14/08/2023 22:07

Both your partner as his brother are sponging off you.

Who the hell is offered a birthday treat and then invites someone else along ? This is on your partner as much as his brother.

YerArseInParsley · 14/08/2023 23:20

Mix56 · 10/08/2023 14:00

"Hi BIL, lovely that you are free to come & celebrate yr Bs birthday meal, Just so there's no misunderstanding, I am only paying for him as bday treat."

I don't know how anyone could send a message like that to someone else. I think it's actually white rude. And I don't know why OP hasn't discussed it with her partner first before running to MN.

It's up to the partner to cover the cost if bro can't pay and OP needs to have that chat with her partner.

YerArseInParsley · 14/08/2023 23:21

YerArseInParsley · 14/08/2023 23:20

I don't know how anyone could send a message like that to someone else. I think it's actually white rude. And I don't know why OP hasn't discussed it with her partner first before running to MN.

It's up to the partner to cover the cost if bro can't pay and OP needs to have that chat with her partner.

Show quote history

Quite rude not white rude

DrDaedalus · 14/08/2023 23:25

If BIL gegged in they should have paid. The least they could have done is to go halves with you for DH and pay for themselves.

YerArseInParsley · 15/08/2023 00:02

DrDaedalus · 14/08/2023 23:25

If BIL gegged in they should have paid. The least they could have done is to go halves with you for DH and pay for themselves.

I don't understand why they paid the bill when it came when they could have waited until he came back from hiding in the toilet.

DrDaedalus · 15/08/2023 21:38

Quite right @YerArseInParsley, they could have waited for the CF BIL to settle up.

My ex-BIL is a CF. If the bill was to be split they would have 3 courses and cocktails. One drink and a cheap main meal if the bill was not being split.

For some people, you need to be blunt. Maybe during the conversation making arrangements? I would have said something to my BIL before arriving at the restaurant.

lurpakhater · 16/08/2023 09:50

@Beetmuffin tell us bil coughed up so we can sleep easy 😂

ZickZack · 04/09/2023 22:28

@Beetmuffin still waiting on the money?

CoveredWindows · 04/09/2023 22:30

Tell your DP that’s lovely, as long as his brother realises he’s paying for himself

CoveredWindows · 04/09/2023 22:31

🙈should’ve read the full thread

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