To not pay for DPs brother's dinner

[Beetmuffin]

It's DP's birthday tomorrow and we were going to have a casual meal out at a nice pub (my treat). DP has just invited his brother to join us. He's nice guy, 30, bit immature for his age, single, doesn't have many friends and doesn't have a lot of money. The family kind of takes pity on him for every little life difficulty he faces and spoil him a lot. Which is why DP has invited him.

I'm totally fine with the brother coming along. But this also means I'm going to have to pay for DP's brother's meal too (it will end up being £50/60+ per head with desserts and drinks). I can't exactly pay for DP's and ask brother to pay for himself can I?

OP has the brother transferred his share of the meal?

If your DH invited his brother-he should have said at that point who was paying.

Am I the only one that thinks cheese doesn’t belong on the dessert menu?

I think you might be. A cheeseboard is a pretty standard alternative to a pudding.

A cheeseboard is a pretty standard
alternative to a pudding.

im aware of that 😂 however IMO a savory item has no business being labelled a dessert. Surely a cheeseboard would make more sense as a starter? 🤔

Not everybody wants something sweet at the end of the meal, just something rich and decadent to finish it off.

I love a cheeseboard after the main meal. Not a fan of sweets.

But a dessert is literally “the sweet course at the end of a meal”.

Paying for 17/18 year old friends of your son for his 18th birthday is a bit different.

We have occasionally paid for dinner for family as part of a special birthday/anniversary/graduation/pre-wedding dinner. Less often for friends. And have also received the same. But it's always been very clear and it definitely isn't the default. Far more often we have asked friends if they would like to come for dinner for a birthday (or received the same) and the assumption is that everyone pays their own way. I'm not sure at what stage this becomes "inviting" them. Is a proposal/suggestion for a date and venue the same thing as an invite? Does it automatically imply to some people that the proposer would pay?

@mast0650 in this case though, the original host - OP - didn't in fact ask the DB. I would have assumed that she would have preferred to have the evening with just her DP, particularly as she was then expected to pony up for DBILs steak and cheese course and btw can we stop with the pointless chat about cheese not being dessert, start your own thread if its that interesting.

It was DP who extended the invite to the DB, ergo he should have paid or made it clear to his DB in advance that he would need to pay his own. I bet if he had told him that they wouldn't have seen him for dust.

I did also pay for my parents, my BIL, wife and child, my 2 x brothers, 1 x SIL and another 3 cousins plus godparents. He only had 4/5 friends come because he had a night out planned too. We have the lowest income out of all the brothers. But I budget for birthdays, Christmas, meals out etc, I’ve got different accounts for all sorts. No one expected for us to pay not even the friends which is probably why no one was a CF.

I love a cheese board directly after my main course, mainly because I am a greedy guts and love port.

There is little nicer than an interesting cheese board, grapes, sliced tart apples, and poached pears.

I will however offer the tiniest little espresso cup of a bitter dark chocolate ganache for those that like to end a meal with a hint of sweet with a glass of a dessert wine.

Sadly have to eat earlier as I have aged as the indigestion from the above can be a killer if you indulge in it too late.

Rennie's always by the bed😁

@rookiemere Totally agree! I was juat quibblng with those few posters who seemed to think that as soon as you asked somed to join you for a birthday dinner you would obviously pay for them.

@rookiemere Though having read again I now realise that @TallerThanAverage wasn't actually claiming that it was the norm to pay for everyone and everyone would expect it. Unlike some posters. Sorry!

Message DB in advance to tell him that you’re planning to treat your SO for his birthday, but if he wants you could half the bill so he can treat him too? No problem if that’s a stretch, he can just pay for himself.

If someone has offered to pay I would never never choose an expensive option, what a scrounging bastard. Well done for billing him, even if he never coughs up an important point and precedent has been set. Bet he won’t try that again, but bet you won’t let him.

I'd actually talk to dp now, before you go. That you're only paying for his dinner, so to tell his brother to bring some money. He can't assume you're paying for everyone.

They had dinner on Friday.

Next time wait for him to come back from the toilet before paying! Then ask the waitress to put your share on your card and BIL can then foot his share. Sorted.

Yes thats a really good point. If you think someone else is footing the bill, it's incredibly crass to go for the most expensive options unless specifically encouraged to.

Having said that, you might have thought someone - either OP or DP - would at that point have said, "remember you're paying your own share DB."

The fact that the DP didn't say anything and let the charade with the toilets go on - why didn't he go and get his own feckless sibling out of the cubicle- suggests that everyone knew exact who was going to be paying for everyone's meals.

Oh and there would be no next time if it was me. I'd point blank refuse to share any meals with the CF in future unless he ponied up his share in cash or bank transfer before ordering or if DP was paying for everything.

I'm afraid I agree with this OP.

Can you afford it? If so, pay - it will make of nicer for your DH.

15 mins in the bathroom when the bill comes, having ordered the most expensive stuff . True CF. I’d stop the takeaways as well. Next time, do beans on toast when he comes so you can pay for the takeaway. Even if you were minted, he would still be a twat to come round sponging like this.

I would pay. It's rude to invite someone then not cover it but if he offers to split then say yes