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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has lack of manners stopped you giving things away free?

185 replies

dottypotter · 09/08/2023 22:26

Was going to tip some things I did not need anymore but thought the nice thing to do would be to advertise if someone wanted for free. We are also encouraged to reduce waste etc.

Somebody contacted and said they were interested. I Gave them the address etc and discussed time as you do. Seemed keen to come.

No show, no apology. Im sure not the only person to experience this. I could not be so rude though. If I could not make it I would message.

I wont bother again. Why are people so rude?
They just spoil it.
Has it stopped you giving things away free?😪

OP posts:
Cakey46 · 11/08/2023 18:49

I've known a friend put something outside their house saying 'free to food home' and it just gets ignored. put a dog on it saying £15 and it's gone before nightfall. There is a perception that free stuff has no value and therefore manners not required.

Original poster
dottypotter · 11/08/2023 19:11

? Dog.

OP posts:
User6424678852 · 11/08/2023 19:16

I guess my thought on the matter are that I am trying to make sure things get reused. I’m not trying to teach people manners, I’m not looking for gratitude, I’m not wanting pictures of them using it or warm fuzzy feelings, and I’m not putting a restriction on how it is used. I don’t even care at all if they are reselling it.

It’s a non-monitory transaction. They are taking it off my hands to ensure it gets used in some form and doesn’t go to landfill. They are also saving me effort in taking it elsewhere, helping to declutter my space, and saving me the cost of professional disposal.

crazeekat · 11/08/2023 19:16

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 10/08/2023 07:00

Offered a bag of girls clothing in my village Facebook group for free. Someone got in touch and asked if she could have it and I said yes. She said she didn't drive and asked if I could drop it off. I assumed she was local, said yes and asked for her address. She sent an address miles away which would have taken about 45-60 mins to drive to depending on traffic.

Explained I wasn't spending time and petrol driving all that way to drop them off. I said I was happy to drop off locally or she could send a friend/relative to pick them up.

She got back in touch and said she'd arranged someone to collect them in a taxi. We agreed an acceptable time for the collection, then on the last message she said the taxi driver would prefer being paid in cash when he got here to cover the round trip.

Told her I wasn't paying for a taxi to send them to her. Got a lengthy sob story about how she's a single parent and life is tough etc etc. Totally ignored the fact that I'm also a single parent and I can't afford to spend money on taxis to get rid of things I don't need.

Sent them to a charity shop instead.

honestly, the cheek of some folk, what a cf!!!

rhino12345 · 11/08/2023 19:18

Yes - we have a big problem near us with baby clothes on Facebook marketplace etc. someone will advertise they're giving them away, and then someone arrives in a huge transit van and takes them off to resell them. I just keep everything now and will give it away when my DNs have children.

Lovely13 · 11/08/2023 19:20

I’ve done a bit on free cycle. Everyone turned up. My most popular offering was books. Also dispatched clothes via a site, that collects from doorstep and then sells the clothes and gives a percentage to charity. Wracking my old brain to remember name of it. Sure it can be googled. 😳

Missingmyusername · 11/08/2023 19:21

Gave a beautiful silver cross cot away, actually stated no mattress and received abuse that they wanted the mattress AND a pillow. Was a bloke collecting and it put me off forever.

Also have a bed away before that and they wanted the bedding to go with it 🙄😂 I did give them a set but flaming hell!!!!!

JaneyB321 · 11/08/2023 19:55

dottypotter · 09/08/2023 22:26

Was going to tip some things I did not need anymore but thought the nice thing to do would be to advertise if someone wanted for free. We are also encouraged to reduce waste etc.

Somebody contacted and said they were interested. I Gave them the address etc and discussed time as you do. Seemed keen to come.

No show, no apology. Im sure not the only person to experience this. I could not be so rude though. If I could not make it I would message.

I wont bother again. Why are people so rude?
They just spoil it.
Has it stopped you giving things away free?😪

I'm a member of a local Facebook page where members offer things they no longer need for free. It's a great page, I have no objection at all, but what DOES annoy me is the cheek of some people when asking for stuff on there. So bloody fussy, one was asking for a free corner sofa and then when they were offered one (which looked in great condition from the photos), they said it wasn't quite the colour they were looking for! You see the same people time and time again asking for free stuff. Bloody cheeky if you ask me!

Cakecakecheese · 11/08/2023 20:22

It annoys me because if they change their mind then that's totally fine but tell me you've changed your mind so I can offer it to the next person, don't make me chase you!

PinkCherryBlossoms · 11/08/2023 20:23

User6424678852 · 11/08/2023 19:16

I guess my thought on the matter are that I am trying to make sure things get reused. I’m not trying to teach people manners, I’m not looking for gratitude, I’m not wanting pictures of them using it or warm fuzzy feelings, and I’m not putting a restriction on how it is used. I don’t even care at all if they are reselling it.

It’s a non-monitory transaction. They are taking it off my hands to ensure it gets used in some form and doesn’t go to landfill. They are also saving me effort in taking it elsewhere, helping to declutter my space, and saving me the cost of professional disposal.

Same, in that situation I just want it out of the way. I wouldn't make any effort to get rid but then I also wouldn't be doing they even if the person were polite.

toxic44 · 11/08/2023 20:29

Yes, I don't give stuff any more. What finished me was people saying they'd take it off my hands for a fiver - they wanted the free items plus £5 for taking it.

Meadowdog · 11/08/2023 20:37

I’ve given lots away on our local buy nothing group. Yes I’ve had a few time wasters but the lovely people have more than made up for them. I was giving away a king sized bed and frame once and a young woman and her boyfriend turned up to collect it. We managed to cram it into their estate car and then they handed me a box of chocolates and a bottle of Prosecco to say thank you. They’d just bought their first home and didn’t have any money left over to furnish it. I went back inside and found the king sized duvet to give them also. Couldn’t find the cover and sheets but did later, messaged them for their address and posted them.

I also requested and picked up things myself when we had a Ukrainian guest. Let me tell you, it isn’t always that great from that perspective either. For example we had agreed with one lady that we’d pick up two sets of bedside tables from her. Got there as agreed and she’d given one set away to a guy who was picking some other things up before we arrived. Wouldn’t have driven all that way for the one, less nice set but she didn’t bother to apologise or anything. Others were obviously brilliant but there are going to be a few bad apples however you look at it.

Notmygreen · 11/08/2023 20:50

Once I offered a open packet of nappies on fb for free, as a single mum strugglingon a low income salary i wanted to help a dad or a mam in need, i wrote i wanted the nappies to go to someonein need, the package it wasn't full and a lady text me saying her husband will come after work. He came in a jaguar, if you can afford to drive a 60K car can't you afford nappies?

another time i was giving away boys clothes and a single mum texted me, she was furious because i didn't deliver to her, i dont dhave a f** car, she was asking me if anyone from my family could deliver to her, no sorry my family is in Poland!
Since then I prefer to give any use items to the local charity.

Notmygreen · 11/08/2023 20:52

JaneyB321 · 11/08/2023 19:55

I'm a member of a local Facebook page where members offer things they no longer need for free. It's a great page, I have no objection at all, but what DOES annoy me is the cheek of some people when asking for stuff on there. So bloody fussy, one was asking for a free corner sofa and then when they were offered one (which looked in great condition from the photos), they said it wasn't quite the colour they were looking for! You see the same people time and time again asking for free stuff. Bloody cheeky if you ask me!

Show quote history

That happens a lot with people asking for furniture and other items for their ukranian guests. They always asked for pictures or tgey say " in this colour etc" if you are really in need you don't care about the color.

Original poster
dottypotter · 11/08/2023 21:10

User6424678852 · 11/08/2023 19:16

I guess my thought on the matter are that I am trying to make sure things get reused. I’m not trying to teach people manners, I’m not looking for gratitude, I’m not wanting pictures of them using it or warm fuzzy feelings, and I’m not putting a restriction on how it is used. I don’t even care at all if they are reselling it.

It’s a non-monitory transaction. They are taking it off my hands to ensure it gets used in some form and doesn’t go to landfill. They are also saving me effort in taking it elsewhere, helping to declutter my space, and saving me the cost of professional disposal.

The issue is people not turning up. It's not about the thanks, it's the arranging everything getting it ready staying in and they don't turn up
Its rude.

OP posts:
PalominoUK · 11/08/2023 21:17

No, but I've stopped putting post that should have been redirected by Post Office in an agreed place because the previous owner of our house has never expressed any gratitude. I mark it not known at this address and put it back in the post box when I'm out, which isn't very often as I'm disabled.

User6424678852 · 11/08/2023 21:21

dottypotter · 11/08/2023 21:10

The issue is people not turning up. It's not about the thanks, it's the arranging everything getting it ready staying in and they don't turn up
Its rude.

Show quote history

But there have been dozens of posters saying people weren’t grateful enough, or people wanted to use cots for dogs etc.

orangelotus · 11/08/2023 21:24

i haven't read everything here but just wanted to share my v v positive story.
when my FIL died we had to clear out his flat a lovely couple came and took everything they could see i was trying to sort out the wild overgrown garden/ he'd been in the hospice fir a while/ and they came back that day and the next to help me with it all . what lovely people - he would have been so happy they'd taken his stuff

Rebellion86 · 11/08/2023 21:49

Yes, definitely. I was recently giving away the cot bed I used for both my kids. a beautiful solid mahogany sleigh bed with a drawer underneath, in perfect condition. Cost almost 1k and I could have got near 500 if I sold it. Thought I'd give it away to someone less fortunate than me. I made it clear at the time that the drawer wouldn't be included, I kept it for under bed storage for kids new bunkbeds. When the girl came to collect it, she complained about the drawer and 'it was a pity you wouldn't just give it away as well'. I seen red, and am not ashamed to say I told her that if a free cot wasn't good enough, she could buy her own.
I sold it after that and got 400 for it.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 11/08/2023 22:00

Yes!
I used an app, I can’t recall the name, Olivio or something I think. Had LOADS of great quality kids toys, furniture and clothing. Really nice quality things.
It was so much hassle, rude requests, abuse if item had already been bagged, requests for delivery, no please or thank - you’d and no shows.
I deleted the app and went back to giving to the charity shop. The furniture I sold on FB just to get it out if the house - and people were actually much nicer when paying! Weird.

alwaysoutdoors · 11/08/2023 22:27

Just take bags to charity shops! They take most things and it saves the hassle of posting/ waiting in etc. Please don’t take good items to the tip!!!

Cirice · 11/08/2023 22:37

I have a nice story…

DH was having a garage clear out and we had a pair of very heavy folding camping chairs which were too heavy duty for our needs. I advertised them for free, though probably could have sold them for a tenner.
A very polite older gent asked for them and came to collect within the hour. On going in to the garage he saw our classic 80s car. Transpired he was a retired mechanic who’d also been having a clear out and had found a pretty hard to acquire tool in his shed the previous week just for our car. The coincidence was huge, not in the least as DH needed this tool for a job he’d got planned on the car soon.
He returned the following morning and gave an extremely happy DH the tool.

I wish things like this happened more often!

RavenofEngland · 11/08/2023 22:39

my experience has been the complete opposite. I enquire about free stuff and nobody bothers to get back to me. Not even to say if it’s been already been collected. I find some people are so extremely rude and simple. Sorry it’s gone would suffice any enquiries

RidingMyBike · 11/08/2023 22:48

There’s an app called Olio which I’ve found works much better than Freecycle for avoiding time wasters. People get rated after a collection so you can choose to give your thing to someone with a high rating. I haven’t had any problems with no shows using that, whereas it was common with Freecycle

MidnightMeltdown · 11/08/2023 23:41

I quite often put things on free cycle because I can't bare to put things into landfill that somebody could potentially use.

Most people are lovely, but some are cheeky. Pet peeves include people who:

  • reply with something along the lines of 'I'll have that' or 'I'll collect that tomorrow'
  • don't turn up when they say they will
  • ask you to post stuff to them - as if they're ordering from Amazon and I have time to faff around packing parcels and going to the post office
  • post requests for for expensive items like Xboxes, or even cars(!), or ask for excellent condition furniture in particular colours, as if they're shopping the Argos catalogue.

I just ignore these people though