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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has lack of manners stopped you giving things away free?

185 replies

dottypotter · 09/08/2023 22:26

Was going to tip some things I did not need anymore but thought the nice thing to do would be to advertise if someone wanted for free. We are also encouraged to reduce waste etc.

Somebody contacted and said they were interested. I Gave them the address etc and discussed time as you do. Seemed keen to come.

No show, no apology. Im sure not the only person to experience this. I could not be so rude though. If I could not make it I would message.

I wont bother again. Why are people so rude?
They just spoil it.
Has it stopped you giving things away free?😪

OP posts:
ArcticBells · 10/08/2023 07:25

Has stopped me lending things too. I never seem to get books back without asking for them. I still need to chase up the tin opener I lent a neighbour a month ago.

RoseAndRose · 10/08/2023 07:29

I just take stuff to a charity shop.

And some will come and pick up if you have a large donation (meaning either both number or size of items)

I try to avoid sending stuff to landfill

ohsoso · 10/08/2023 07:29

Spent all of yesterday putting stuff on Freecycle. I never do fastest finger first as it’s the same few people on our local freecycle who comment on everything! I usually give to those who are polite and say thank you and arrange speedy collection

ResponsibleWalrus · 10/08/2023 07:38

I've had a couple of no-shows which hasn't bothered me too much. The ones who have put me off have been the people who want me to deliver the item. It usually comes with a sob story about how they're disabled or a single mum who can't drive. I started adding "collection only" after the first couple of times but it still happens. I had one persistent women who called me all the names under the sun and accused me of discriminating against her. I had suggested she hire a man with a van to collect the chest of drawers and she asked me to pay since I'm "clearly rich enough to give things away for free".

JMSA · 10/08/2023 07:43

I gave away an IKEA loft bed about a year ago now. I didn't have a big response and needed to get rid, so couldn't be too fussy. However lack of manners really irks me. So when the only taker messaged me and didn't show any manners, I called him out on it! He was immediately apologetic and much politer after that.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 10/08/2023 07:44

The poor communicators & disappearing-acts are exasperating. The people that do show up are often lovely and that makes up for it.

Igniteyourbones · 10/08/2023 08:02

I wanted to pass on my much loved children’s cotbed to someone in need. It was a lovely cot from John Lewis still in great condition. So many memories of my 4 babies sleeping in it. I posted it online asking if anyone knew someone pregnant or with a new baby that didn’t have much money and would appreciate a free cot. A lady arranged to come pick it up, put all the dismantled pieces into her car……. Then as she was walking away said “Thanks this will be great for my dog, she’s a bit wild and is a biter, so will be great for keeping her in.” Then jumped in the car and drove off. I was so upset, that’s not at all what I intended when giving it away.

Elsie296 · 10/08/2023 08:05

I've stopped because of this, put some several (lovely) items on fb marketplace for free as needed to clear space. The rudeness of some people. One asked me if I could deliver, it was really out of my way but I said yes as felt sorry for her situation. Got there, knocked the door and she messaged to say 'leave it on the doorstep'.
No thank you or anything, I really wish I'd just taken it back home with me!

Now I put things for a nominal amount and I find that only people genuinely interested will reply. 9 times out of 10 I'll just tell them to take it for free when they arrive to collect it. xx

User98866 · 10/08/2023 08:08

I view people taking my old shite off my hands as a favour tbh. I can’t stand it when people try to dump stuff on you like they are doing something generous. They don’t want it any more and it saves them disposing themselves.

Lkahsvtv · 10/08/2023 08:10

I’ve had this but I still give things for free as mostly it’s fine. Someone who did this to me then asked for something else I gave away for free so I just ignored their message and they were outraged despite having given me the run around without a thought

ChristmasCrumpet · 10/08/2023 08:13

I don't expect a big show of thanks if I'm giving something away for free, because most people know they are in fact saving me a trip to the charity shop/tip. It's one of those mutually beneficial things.

Anyone who wants free things delivered/any further effort just gets ignored. And if you get an influx of the instant "I'll have it!" because it's free, I simply reply "Sure, but please be aware I don't hold free items, so it's first to collect. When would you like to collect?" The time wasters don't even bother replying after that, and the ones that do, generally turn up pretty quickly.

Glarptip · 10/08/2023 08:19

Northernsoullover · 10/08/2023 07:14

I don't give any free stuff any more. I'll put a price on them. Even if an item is worth 30 quid I'll sell for a fiver. You still get piss takers but I find that there are less.
If someone wants to sell it on for more then I don't care.

Yes, advertising stuff for free attracts nutters.

I also gave that up and sell cheap, rather than gratis.

Coastalcreeksider · 10/08/2023 08:22

I'm giving away some plants today, both people who requested them said please and thank you in their requests and have come back to say when they will collect. Hopefully, they will turn up to pick up the plants.

In the past I've given away loads of stuff on Freecycle, furniture, pictures, ornaments etc. also, have had requests then absolutely nothing even when I've asked are they still interested. I now block them from asking for anything in future.

Kabbalah · 10/08/2023 08:26

If it’s worth more than £50 I may put it on eBay otherwise it all goes to the tip - I simply don’t have the time or patience to bugger about.

PinkMendinilla · 10/08/2023 08:35

It hasn't stopped me doing it if it's the easiest thing for me (say I'm not sure a charity shop will take the item) but it's a lot more work and a lot more irritating than it should be. No shows, last minute cancellations, rudeness, lateness, one really weird and intimidating guy, pressuring.

One woman was after an item, I let her know a pickup was arranged that day but she had first refusal if the collector didn't turn up. Cue an upsetting and detailed account of a relative experiencing DV. I would feel terrible for anyone in that position but she was behaving as though my free bookcase was the difference between this woman and her kids being able to set up their new life away from the abuser and not. I didn't think that was on.

FiddleMinger · 10/08/2023 08:50

Arrghh, I hate this! Someone posted on my local group asking if anyone happens to have any roof felt. As luck would have it, I has some and offered it. When they collected, I asked if they have the roof felt glue and offered to find and give them in the next few days. Every day, for the next few days, they messaged about the glue.

I got my DH to find and leave out. I messaged the guy to say I’d found it and that I’d leave in my porch the next day. The following evening I noticed the glue gone, but no email. So I sent a quick message to check if he’d indeed collected. The one word reply “yeah” has irrationally irked me since. It pissed me off because it’s not as though I’d offered to try and get rid. I thought it’d be nice to give to help with his project. Definitely think twice in future.

Work2live · 10/08/2023 08:52

I sell the odd few bits on Facebook marketplace and never reply to rude people.

I don’t expect grand shows of politeness but it’s incredible the amount of people who will just message you saying ‘10?’

In the early days when I did entertain these people I noticed a huge correlation between rudeness, and the time wasters/no-shows. Most of the polite people turn up when agreed.

Coffeeforus · 10/08/2023 08:53

I mix n match as to whether I put it on one of our local Freecycle groups or send to the charity shops. I’ve only ever had two people mess me around but the most I get is a few people asking me to deliver the item when I have already stated ‘collection only.’

My SIL asked for any baby’s clothes we didn’t want anymore so we got them from the loft and sorted through. We offered her 4 big rubbish sacks of them (all in great condition and good quality brands) and she never said thanks, so never again.

My friend has a child a year younger than mine and I text her quite a few photos of clothes I was going to give away and asked if she was interested. She said yes to all but a few hours after she collected almost all of them appeared on a local children’s selling group. I know she can do as she likes once they are hers but that was just taking the p*.

So, now any good kids clothes go to the local baby bank instead.

Elphame · 10/08/2023 08:58

People are just getting ruder.

I don’t answer those who’s first message is “ I want this” or “mine”. They are always time wasters. Probably rude of me but I don’t much care.

Not free but I had someone complain the other day that he could get something I was selling cheaper on ebay. I suggested politely that he bought it on ebay! It sold the next day at the price I wanted for it.

liverpoolgal82 · 10/08/2023 09:05

Hillrunning · 10/08/2023 06:11

No it doesn't stop me. I give things away because it is easier tha. Ne going ro the tip/charity shop ect. Not because I want manners or thanks.

I give people gifts because I want to celebrate them. Not because I want thanks from them.

So while yes I agree that both are being rude. It doesn't change what I do because the gratitude isn't the reason I do it.

I don’t think the op mentioned wanting gratitude. She just wants people to show up and collect or let her know which is basic manners.
And as a side note if we are now living in a society where basic thank you manners aren’t the norm then what a time to be living 🤦‍♀️

Ofcourseshecan · 10/08/2023 09:05

I give everything sellable to a charity shop. Used to offer a lot of less-sellable stuff (eg slightly worn or marked) on Freecycle but got tired of time-wasters. Interesting that people on this thread have had more luck offering items for sale than free of charge! I will try this on a local site.

Hoppinggreen · 10/08/2023 09:08

No but I don’t get into any discussions and give the item to the first people who turn up.
Will you deliver it to Timbuktu for £5? No
Can you keep it until next October? No
Can you send more photos? No

SuperiorM · 10/08/2023 09:11

Iv’e used Freecycle in the past but have also felt people aren’t as friendly as you expect them to be. Mostly, I donate to our local charity shops and they are always happy to receive stuff. There are a few things they aren’t allowed to take but they are always lovely about it.

Not tried Vinted, but have used Gumtree. I offered a new Le Creuset that was too heavy to use once and some buyer kept trying to knock the price down. I ended up offering it on a work based chat platform and got rid of it straightaway. The work based platform has been useful for offering free stuff from time to time too.

Have heard a few Gumtree horror stories. Someone in our baby group had a prospective buyer who wanted her to do extra on the spot cleaning of the high chair she was selling. Very ott

Pineappleandredcheese · 10/08/2023 09:17

A mate and his girlfriend of my ex

They didn't have much money and two boys
I asked if they'd like my ds's old clothes and they said yes

So I lugged 4 black bags to their flat (36 miles away)

No thank you,just snatched the bags out of my hands and stood going through it

all,telling me it was all 'crap and how their boys didn't wear tat like primark' (one pair of unworn shorts-rest where good quality)

They marched off with a few bits-leaving the rest all over the floor

I was fuming-if they'd said thank you,gone through the stuff and gave back what they didn't like that would have been fine'it was the pulling out,laughing and throwing it on the floor that got to me

I got a Facebook message about 8 weeks later demanding 'owt else u gt 4 ma Boiis?

Nope

AnneElliott · 10/08/2023 09:33

I put free stuff on a local group that's heavily moderated and they enforce manners! Plus they block people from the group if they sell it on or don't turn up to collect.

Otherwise I offer on the street what's app group as I know they can walk down and collect it!

Anything metal though goes out the front and is gone in 10 minutes!