To leave the dc with DH both days this weekend?

[Teenytinyduckling]

I’m feeling bad about it but I have had long standing plans at the theatre on Saturday with a friend and then Sunday it turns out a different friend is going to be visiting (lives about three hours away and not seen her for months!) as she is here next week for business and has asked if I fancy lunch and then a bit of shopping in a nearby city.

DH is not impressed. I can’t remember this every happening before - dc are 8 and 14 - DH is saying I need to decide what I want to do most because I can’t have both days.

Conversely he has had weekends away (not often but occasionally) since the dc were born and I’ve not ever had one! I won’t be away, just put Saturday afternoon and I suppose for several hours on Sunday but it will preclude me doing anything with him and dc.

AIBU to think it shouldn’t be that big a deal?

They shouldn't but dad is home so they are not. If I were op I'd pay the 14yr old though and breezily say to dad it's all sorted, your eldest is being paid so feel free to go out too.
At the same time if my 14 Yr old kicked off about making sure an 8yr old who really should be able to entertain themselves was safe, no house fire etc when I wanted to nip out for an hour I would be quite disappointed.

@notahappybunny7 worried about whom? My DH? He’s free to go off and do his own thing when he wants. Nobody is stopping him. He prefers being at home or doing family things, he misses the dc if we’re away from them. His choice.

On a side note that is toddler behaviour not 5 or 8, have you spoken to her about why she gets upset? It might be because you ate always home but seems odd. Will she go out in the playground out of sight eg to another part of a safe park? Ie is it actually being away from you or is it being alone with dad as I imagine the 14yr old goes out or in their room?

@GonnaGetGoingReturns

Shouldn’t the 14 year old in theory be able to be left with the 8 year old to mind her during the night or day and to put something to eat in the microwave or oven? And to make sure she brushes her teeth and does bedtime routine.

Shouldn't a grown man, who is the actual parent of the 8 year old, be able to 'be left with the 8 year old to mind her etc etc and make sure she brushes her teeth and does bedtime routine'?

Why on earth would those things fall to the older child at all when a parent is in the home?!

I think that poster was insinuating it is odd for men to want to be alone with kids especially your older one. Moral panic nonsense that hinders dad's from parenting tbh. Utter tosh.

Er no the usual Mumsnet, and well proven fact about unrelated males. No stepfather would encourage me to spend time away from my kid. Obviously it doesn’t suit the narrative on this one so I’ll be flamed. Nothing to do with a father spending time with THEIR kids at all.

But in that case 2 of them are his kids and the other one lives their ft as a family. Stepfather doesn't mean like in the news when some low life Jeremy Kyle style relationships in most real life situations.

Also pretty sure most are mis reported as step father if they are not married.

Yeah I think my late teen kids are fine with their stepdad of nine years. Thanks for pointing out the danger to me though.

Oh don’t be facetious. A unrelated male actively encouraging a mother to spend time away from her children, in his care is dodgy. The fact the poster in question didn’t even see what I was concerned about is fucking worrying. Exactly the type to be targeted.

if I split with my DH I’m pretty sure my older dc will want to still maintain a relationship with DH & his family. They both took mine and his surname as soon as they were old enough to legally change it.

I think my DH is safe with all my kids. He was also alone with them when I had our dc and was in hospital for s couple of days. Everybody came out of that unscathed too.

such insane male behaviour!

Yes if you don't know them but not all unrelated males are a danger. Ffs.

Ok!! You know your family not me, I was speaking generically ,chill out!

@notahappybunny7 my older dc are late teens/early twenties. They’re safe. Both would have been out with friends/had friends over to ours whilst I was away.

I’m honestly sorry you’ve experienced life such that you’d immediately think the worst of a husband supporting his wife to go on a weekend away with friends leaving behind her older children.

@notahappybunny7 I’m chilling out thanks.

you sound upset however.

No I’m good! 😂

Oh dear we do have a complex don’t we??
I’ve experienced fuck all love, I’m just not gullible

I have an 8 year old who cries when I stay away with work. Not 'bawling can't sleep because I'm not there' upset. But at bedtime she gets upset, has a cry and a cuddle with DH (who puts her to bed every other night alternating with me with our older one) and then goes to sleep fine.

So I wouldn't say toddler behaviour. Just a child who misses their mum at bedtime.

That said. I still stay away when I have to. DH never ever mentions she's cried (she tells me when I'm back and putting her to bed). And he doesn't think he can't cope with the fact she cries. It's part of parenting conforting your children when they can't have what they want.

Yes but this isn't at bedtime it's early afternoon?

He sounds unkind and selfish.

Shocking that you have never had a weekend off in 14 years !!

Your husband is a controlling, selfish, sexist, pathetic, childish arsehole. Time for him to parent. It’s long overdue.

He’s controlling. What a shit. I bet you’ve ‘had the kids’ while he does his own thing plenty.

100%!!

What @Aquamarine1029 said.

As a parent he should be able to cope with having them on his own. I would be questioning why your daughter cries when you leave and why she doesn't feel ok being with him, not suggesting abuse but more does he do any active parenting or bond with them in any way?
What does he actually bring to the table because his behavior sounds very unattractive.