Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that PARTNER is an inclusive word we should use

258 replies

KajsaKavat · 09/08/2023 11:06

Apropos the boyfriend on holiday thread I got a bit shocked how people reacted to OP describing him as partner and calling her out saying due to their ages he can only ever be a boyfriend.

I have teens myself and they all refer to the
person they’re dating as partner.
teens are all about being inclusive and using non gender specific terms, surely this is a good thing.

OP posts:
TakeMe2Insanity · 09/08/2023 14:20

Partner suggests you have a house or children together.

At 16 he’s her boyfriend.

CurlewKate · 09/08/2023 14:22

@YaWeeFurryBastard

"Well it is sort of a “promotion” given its an additional legally recognised step. I don’t understand why that annoys you."

But you can have no idea what recognised legal steps an unmarried couple might have taken. And "promotion" implies better than, rather than different to.

DNo · 09/08/2023 14:26

Hi OP that was my thread you're talking about. I do not call my daughter's boyfriend her partner in real life, it just slipped out on that thread but thinking on it I do agree. A partner is someone you have a connection with, be it business or personal relationship. I can't see the issue really.

StarlightLady · 09/08/2023 14:26

So is ex-partner promotion or relegation 😊?

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 09/08/2023 14:26

I see partner as being a more permanent relationship, if someone is living together . I probably am guilty of not being consistent when the people concerned are quite young though . My son,
22, has been in s stable relationship since he was 18 and they have lived together for the last 3 years but I still refer to her as GF rather than partner .

FloopyZebra · 09/08/2023 14:30

When I read "partner" I assume living together and in a committed relationship with shared life goals.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 09/08/2023 14:35

CurlewKate · 09/08/2023 14:22

@YaWeeFurryBastard

"Well it is sort of a “promotion” given its an additional legally recognised step. I don’t understand why that annoys you."

But you can have no idea what recognised legal steps an unmarried couple might have taken. And "promotion" implies better than, rather than different to.

But an unmarried couple haven’t taken the “ultimate” legal step to commit to each other. I’m not saying it’s “better” but there’s no denying a married couple are legally more committed than an unmarried one.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 09/08/2023 14:39

Well a married couple are legally related so ..

Caipirovska · 09/08/2023 14:43

Well it is sort of a “promotion” given its an additional legally recognised step. I don’t understand why that annoys you."

I'm not sure marriage is a promotion but it is a public declaration of legal entanglement and very probably long term financial and emotional commitment - a shorthand way of suggesting cohabitation ( which may not always be the case )- which may or may not be there with how some people use partner.

I wonder if that why DMum finds it so annoying - she telling them she is the spouse the support in a short hand way that she's co-habiting and she financially linked and then they use partner which then leads to more questions about their situation later.

I found it annoying staff were talking to DH parents and even mine about his discharge and not me his wife who lived under same roof - needed to buy shit so he could get home and be there so he could get in- I wonder if their use of partner made that relationship more obscure somehow as if they then assumed a 30+ year old with kids was living with his parents rather than wife and children.

Boomboom22 · 09/08/2023 14:49

That's wrong of the nhs they should not give any information to his parents at all as you are next of kin. Unless he consents. And def not to your parents! Wtf!

yikesanotherbooboo · 09/08/2023 15:05

I have three young adult DC .One in particular is very 'correct' about pronouns and careful in use of language. They all refer to non live in partners as boyfriend or girlfriend depending on sex.

Dixiechickonhols · 09/08/2023 15:06

I recall hospital discharge was more do you have someone at home who can help you rather than assuming saying you have a partner means you live with someone.
I don’t view marriage as a promotion. People could well be partners and have a civil partnership giving same legal implications as marriage. I read an interesting article that highest uptake of opposite sex civil partnership was in older age groups often done at time of other paperwork like wills and poa or as part of financial planning. So partner could mean someone I met online 4 weeks ago or someone I’ve been with 40 years and have a legal civil partnership with. You can’t make assumptions especially in a professional context.

Caipirovska · 09/08/2023 15:06

Next of kin has is odd in UK - doesn't have to be nearest relative unless there a death and doesn't always have any real legal definition or standing unless it's under 18s.

I think hospitals are supposed to ask for emergency contact reasons but no so sure that always happens - though recent admission for my family have all been emergencies- as DH started as - so fluid and confusing situations at best.

immergeradeaus · 09/08/2023 15:10

You do stuff your way, and live and let live with how others want to talk.

Dillane · 09/08/2023 15:12

teens are all about being inclusive and using non gender specific terms, surely this is a good thing.

Give yer head a wobble OP 🙄

Quisquam · 09/08/2023 15:14

As a professional, we talk about “partner” all the time, as the ultimate bosses at the firm, where we work. DH is a partner, and at times I work for his partner! It’s very confusing for me, when people refer to their b/f or g/f as their partner!

ithinkhesawus · 09/08/2023 15:14

Partner is fine for long term relationship or where the sex of the partner is not specified

Ponderingwindow · 09/08/2023 15:18

Partner means a long-term committed relationship akin to a marriage, but without the marriage.

calling someone you are dating a partner makes that person sound like they don’t understand relationships. You can’t just jump ahead to partnership.

illiterato · 09/08/2023 15:32

I think I’ve aged out of having a boyfriend- gonna have to be a gentleman companion.

CurlewKate · 09/08/2023 15:36

@Quisquam "As a professional, we talk about “partner” all the time, as the ultimate bosses at the firm, where we work. DH is a partner, and at times I work for his partner! It’s very confusing for me, when people refer to their b/f or g/f as their partner!"

Oh come on-tell the truth and shame the devil. You don't REALLY find it confusing, do you? Not even a tiny little bit. Because you understand context.

StarlightLady · 09/08/2023 15:38

Simplicity? How about "bedmate"???

Poorlymumma · 09/08/2023 15:38

I think partner works if you live together. Boyfriend/girlfriend if you don't.

Quisquam · 09/08/2023 16:02

Oh come on-tell the truth and shame the devil. You don't REALLY find it confusing, do you? Not even a tiny little bit. Because you understand context.

Yes, I do - because for 40 years, it has meant business partner to me. As I said, I work for DH's partner, who is also one of his best friends. I don't waste my time posting on things I've made up!

Bellyblueboy · 09/08/2023 16:24

Quisquam · 09/08/2023 15:14

As a professional, we talk about “partner” all the time, as the ultimate bosses at the firm, where we work. DH is a partner, and at times I work for his partner! It’s very confusing for me, when people refer to their b/f or g/f as their partner!

As a professional what😂😂.

this has to be one of the most pretentious things I have read on mumsnet in a while.

JudgeRudy · 09/08/2023 16:29

I don't think people objected on the grounds of age (tho in that relationship it was relavent)
I would view a partner a long term/permanent and generally living together. If you didn't like together but had been dating say 5 years maybe partner at a stretch. Dating exclusively for 3months+ boyfriend. ....anything less and he's a bloke you're seeing