To think that PARTNER is an inclusive word we should use

[KajsaKavat]

Apropos the boyfriend on holiday thread I got a bit shocked how people reacted to OP describing him as partner and calling her out saying due to their ages he can only ever be a boyfriend.

I have teens myself and they all refer to the
person they’re dating as partner.
teens are all about being inclusive and using non gender specific terms, surely this is a good thing.

This. Your partner is your partner in something: maybe you live together, or share a dog or bills or at least shape your lives around each other’s choices.

A teenager shagging and hanging out with someone does not have a partner.

I don’t think insisting everyone use one term is very inclusive OP!

People can use whatever term they want. I said boyfriend when younger, and now say partner for my (long term) partner. I wouldn’t use partner for a new relationship as I think of it as short for life partner - which does usually apply to teen relationships

DOESN’T usually apply

I ain't saying 'hubby'

On a side note this is prevalent in the nhs my husband constantly referred to as partner , no he's not he's my husband .

Partner infers a long term commitment and often living together as “ husband and wife”.

Calling your 16 year bf / gf your partner is just silly . It confuses people as it’s not the normal use of the word in the UK.

it also offends people who actually do have a partner that they live with / support / have kids with / share their lives with. They feel that you are implying their relationships is causal and short term .

and it makes people think you are pretentious and up yourself when you use the term for a guy / girl you’ve been on a few dates with.

so not at all “ inclusive”, just the opposite in fact . Appropriating words that other use for themselves and redefining them isn’t nice or kind, it’s thoughtless and unkind.

Also partner just seems more grown up, like it’s a proper relationship IYKWIM. Like other half etc. I refer to mne as partner.

Partner sounds a bit unromantic to me. Business like.

I don’t know why I need to be ‘inclusive’ either

They're children. Using adult words for children, especially when it comes to sex and relationships implies a maturity they don't have.

For me, partner is someone who have 'partnered' with in life to an extent - so living together, shared bills/responsibilities, doing the shopping together. When dh and I were dating, we didn't live together until just before we got married - I called him my boyfriend (and then fiance).

They aren't children and are perfectly capable of having relationships.

Not partnerships though. Partner implies a level of commitment that they are too young for. Boyfriend/girlfriend is fine at their age.

I’d always take my cue from the person about what label they want to use. If I am talking to someone I don’t know I’d always say partner

There was an interesting thread in one of the very many posts on here from unmarried woman up shit creek when her relationship broke down about how language matters.
Calling boyfriend a partner can lull people into false sense of security that there’s more legal substance involved than what there is.
I’m legally qualified so legal implications are how my brain is wired. I wouldn’t use a legally incorrect term like ‘in law’ if not legally related but I can see how it wouldn’t bother someone not wired this way.
My word association with partner is a boss at work but again that’s because law firms were traditionally run as partnerships.
I described dh as bf when we lived together and then he became dh when we married. Partner wasn’t in common usage then.
My elderly mum said to me recently please describe your dad (deceased) as my dh not partner in my funeral. For her partner isn’t none offensive inclusive catch all.

The average teenager doesn't have a partner - I did have a child with my partner and was living with him as a teenager though, so I always felt partner was a more appropriate term for that. It felt silly saying boyfriend - boyfriend felt like something that wouldn't matter if it ended.

Most teenagers won't be in serious relationships with commitments and baggage that makes it harder to split up, but some will and so yes. Some teenagers can and do have partners.

I ain't saying 'hubby'

I don't use that for my DH - but it's so informal I not sure it would be polite to refer to someone else husband as such in UK - you'd surely formalise it with your husband.

My DMum complained recently about some encounters with healthcare workers she is saying husband - of 50+ years - and all the responses including e-mails - state back either Dad first name or use partner - she complaining about strangers using her first name without asking as well. It's not a huge deal but an minor irritant in a sea of them for her.

I’m fairly relaxed and don’t really have to think about this as I say husband, but if I had teens calling their boyfriend/girlfriend a partner I’d say you’re a legal minor who’s in year 10 at school living with and supported by your mum and dad who’s dating someone you’ve known 3 months. They aren’t a partner, save that language for when you’re an independent adult making a long term commitment to another adult and go have fun.

@user1477391263 - they're children. Legally, until they're 18. They live with their parents. They're at school. They aren't responsible for bills, rent or putting food on the table.

It's really fucking creepy when adults try to make out children are adults, particularly when it comes to sex and relationships.

They aren't children and are perfectly capable of having relationships.

How are 16 year olds not children? Age of consent and age of majority are not the same thing. Of course they're children.

It's really fucking creepy when adults try to make out children are adults, particularly when it comes to sex and relationships.

This with bells on.

Yeah, along with everyone else I don't think it's got anything to do with inclusivity and everything to do wit partner being someone you have significant length of relationship with, financial links etc.

Women are called out on Relationships all the time for saying partner then it turns out it's someone they've been seeing for about 6 weeks.

I never liked it for myself either, sounds so formal and businessy. I like boyfriend

You're either in a legally recognised relationship (marriage, civil partnership) or you aren't. If you aren't, then partner covers all circumstances and there's no need to distinguish between somebody you live with and somebody you don't, nor to have differing terms according to age. Its weird.

The only person who really needs to decide what term is appropriate to use is the person in the relationship. All everybody else needs to do is use their preferred terminology.

I was at uni when a much older lesbian fellow (mature) student explained that she preferred people ask about partners rather than assume husband/boyfriend as she then has to explain that shes got a female partner. It stuck with me and so I don't find using partner unreasonable

Teenagers using the word partner feels like one of those things you do to try & be more mature, which ends up making you sound more like a child.

Agree with everyone else, partner implies a long term committment and investment in each others lives.