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Original poster

To think that PARTNER is an inclusive word we should use

258 replies

KajsaKavat · 09/08/2023 11:06

Apropos the boyfriend on holiday thread I got a bit shocked how people reacted to OP describing him as partner and calling her out saying due to their ages he can only ever be a boyfriend.

I have teens myself and they all refer to the
person they’re dating as partner.
teens are all about being inclusive and using non gender specific terms, surely this is a good thing.

OP posts:
AgnesX · 09/08/2023 16:32

I think a partner is more along the lines of someone you live with or long term commitment for older people.

Boyfriend/girlfriend is enough for teens and long distance relationships.

fettuccini · 09/08/2023 16:37

Are you coming back @KajsaKavat? Or did you start this goady thread for another agenda?

JudgeRudy · 09/08/2023 16:37

I should add that it would be nice if there was a gender neutral word for boyfriend/girlfriend, like we have partner and spouse. I've noticed nibblings catching on so younger people especially want neutral nouns. We need a new word. Any suggestions?
My mum has what I call a boyfriend - thing is they're both 80 so she says that sounds daft....not as daft as introducing him as her 'gentleman friend' 😉

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 09/08/2023 17:24

As a professional what😂😂.

Presumably a lawyer or an accountant or similar. Juniors work under one or more Partners (job title), who are, in turn, business partners with each other. It means you hear and read 'partner' in a professional context multiple times a day, so sounds much more business-like than it does if you aren't in one of those industries.

Isitsixoclockalready · 09/08/2023 17:27

I think that it should just be whatever people are comfortable with. A lot of issues seem to arise because people not only want to apply rules not only to themselves but also on others. If people like 'gender neutral" terminology when applying something to themselves, that's fine but others might prefer gender specific terms. For example, a gay man of a certain age might feel that they waited decades to be able to call their husband a 'husband' and not 'partner'.

Bellyblueboy · 09/08/2023 17:31

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 09/08/2023 17:24

As a professional what😂😂.

Presumably a lawyer or an accountant or similar. Juniors work under one or more Partners (job title), who are, in turn, business partners with each other. It means you hear and read 'partner' in a professional context multiple times a day, so sounds much more business-like than it does if you aren't in one of those industries.

well yes I understand that! I hear and read partner a lot in work too (although I don’t work in an accountancy firm thank god)

but I usually have the ability to distinguish between the two uses of tyre word

so For example - if someone said a partner in my firm expects me to work to 9pm at night I would realise this was not a boyfriend.

or is someone said my partner and I are thinking about taking the kids eurocamping I would assume this isn’t someone they help run a small accountancy firm with.

while it is sometimes used in really bad, lazy comedies (usually when two male business partners are assumed to be a gay couple) - I have never once in real life heard someone get confused by the two meanings of the word.

VimtoPassion · 09/08/2023 17:33

I have a kind of low key boyfriend. I'm not sure he's even that TBH, he's most definitely not my partner. I just call him by is name or sometimes, laughingly call him my companion. I can't bring myself to say boyfriend at my age and partner would be inaccurate.

coeurnoir · 09/08/2023 17:34

Folkevermore · 09/08/2023 11:34

Do people really care about this stuff? I can't say someone else describing a boyfriend or girlfriend makes a difference to me in any way shape or form.

Only on here.

If someone wants to describe the person they are in a relationship with - whether they live together or just shag every weekend - as a partner, then who is it really hurting. Same if they refer to them as girlfriend or boyfriend or significant other or him/her indoors.

Most people just don't care and accept it's up to the couple concerned and take their lead 🤷‍♀️

Howmuchfurther · 09/08/2023 17:38

WimbledonPimms · 09/08/2023 11:21

I've had a boyfriend for nearly 30 years, lived together for most of them. We're not married, don't want to be and don't like the word partner.

I like this.

”Partner” is misleading because it makes the people involved feel there is a commitment or permanence when there isn’t.

coeurnoir · 09/08/2023 17:38

Except teenagers thoigh, agree with others that it's boyfriend/girlfriend at that age. They aren't adult, whatever they think.

Dacadactyl · 09/08/2023 17:39

I hate the term partner. Meaningless term in my eyes.

BarbaraV · 09/08/2023 17:41

Partners for a 16yo just sounds weird. It's boyfriend and girlfriend.

Howmuchfurther · 09/08/2023 17:42

Bellyblueboy · 09/08/2023 17:31

well yes I understand that! I hear and read partner a lot in work too (although I don’t work in an accountancy firm thank god)

but I usually have the ability to distinguish between the two uses of tyre word

so For example - if someone said a partner in my firm expects me to work to 9pm at night I would realise this was not a boyfriend.

or is someone said my partner and I are thinking about taking the kids eurocamping I would assume this isn’t someone they help run a small accountancy firm with.

while it is sometimes used in really bad, lazy comedies (usually when two male business partners are assumed to be a gay couple) - I have never once in real life heard someone get confused by the two meanings of the word.

Show quote history

I know of two.

  1. my grandfather confused about why it was suggested he might like to invite his partner to a social event. He thought of his male partner Dr Xx.
  2. a colleague of mine using the word in a job interview to mean her life partner and the interviewer getting confused about their business not having had any new partners recently.
Howmuchfurther · 09/08/2023 17:44

Dacadactyl · 09/08/2023 17:39

I hate the term partner. Meaningless term in my eyes.

Yes.

Worse than meaningless. Often used as an empty promise. Which may be why people get upset when young people accurately see it as no more than gf/bf.

CurlewKate · 09/08/2023 18:09

@I hate the term partner. Meaningless term in my eyes."

What do you mean meaningless? And what would you call the person you had lived with for 40 years and had children with?

Howmuchfurther · 09/08/2023 19:47

CurlewKate · 09/08/2023 18:09

@I hate the term partner. Meaningless term in my eyes."

What do you mean meaningless? And what would you call the person you had lived with for 40 years and had children with?

Someone who didn’t like you enough to make a legal commitment not to walk out tomorrow.

Purplepeaches123 · 09/08/2023 19:54

I’ve got a 16 and 17 year old. They’d never use the word partner only boyfriend/girlfriend.

taxguru · 09/08/2023 20:00

In a relationship, the word "partner" conveys a kind of permanence, long term relationship, both for the past and the anticipated future.

Boyfriend/girlfriend is a more informal, more likely to be short term or casual.

I can't imagine the teenagers being referred to in this and the other thread have been going out together on a permanent basis for long enough to be regarded as "partners", unless they got together in their early teens, i.e. already been "together" a few years.

Yes, I know some people got together at school and have had long relationships, but that's the minority. Most people who had boyfriends/girlfriends in their teen years won't still be with them 10/20/30 years later. Some will, most won't.

CurlewKate · 09/08/2023 20:07

@Howmuchfurther "Someone who didn’t like you enough to make a legal commitment not to walk out tomorrow."

🤣🤣🤣 It's a bit long- how do you suggest he introduces me?

Dacadactyl · 09/08/2023 22:09

I would suggest girlfriend @CurlewKate

Dacadactyl · 09/08/2023 22:12

taxguru · 09/08/2023 20:00

In a relationship, the word "partner" conveys a kind of permanence, long term relationship, both for the past and the anticipated future.

Boyfriend/girlfriend is a more informal, more likely to be short term or casual.

I can't imagine the teenagers being referred to in this and the other thread have been going out together on a permanent basis for long enough to be regarded as "partners", unless they got together in their early teens, i.e. already been "together" a few years.

Yes, I know some people got together at school and have had long relationships, but that's the minority. Most people who had boyfriends/girlfriends in their teen years won't still be with them 10/20/30 years later. Some will, most won't.

But legally there is no permanence behind a relationship where people are just partners.

That's the difference in my mind. It means nothing. I know what people think it conveys but I agree with @Howmuchfurther

applesandmares · 09/08/2023 22:20

I often refer to my fiancé as my partner because boyfriend feels a bit too informal (we're engaged to be married next year and have a baby) but I don't really like the term 'fiancé'. That said, I couldn't give a shit who else uses the term for whatever their relationship is. I don't think it's a defined status!

Crumpleton · 09/08/2023 22:33

Personally for me I've always disliked the word partner when applied to relationships and if asked if I have a partner always say no I've a "husband".
A partner was someone that teachers at school would tell us to pair up with, mainly in PE.

Nothing wrong with using boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, fiancée.

cherish123 · 09/08/2023 22:34

If someone says "partner", I tend to assume it's a same sex relationship. I don't see what's wrong with bf or gf. Also, in-law only refers to married couples. I never realised this until I was older, but there is a huge difference between being married and cohabiting. If couples are not married after a long relationship, there's usually a reason (one or both doesn't want to).

Howmuchfurther · 09/08/2023 22:35

CurlewKate · 09/08/2023 20:07

@Howmuchfurther "Someone who didn’t like you enough to make a legal commitment not to walk out tomorrow."

🤣🤣🤣 It's a bit long- how do you suggest he introduces me?

😂👍