To think that PARTNER is an inclusive word we should use

[KajsaKavat]

Apropos the boyfriend on holiday thread I got a bit shocked how people reacted to OP describing him as partner and calling her out saying due to their ages he can only ever be a boyfriend.

I have teens myself and they all refer to the
person they’re dating as partner.
teens are all about being inclusive and using non gender specific terms, surely this is a good thing.

Against the grain maybe but I was at hospital on Monday. Overnight stay and my DH was referred to as partner all the time. I kept saying he is my husband but they refused to call him that. I have no objection to people being called what they want but equally surely my DH can be called what I want. Was funny as a chap who he works with ( called partner ) popped to see me and I said to the nurse he is my DH partner. She looked shocked.
I am proud of my DH and proud to call him that. So I do get miffed that I no longer have the choice.

No I wouldn’t but it is becoming more common eg the nhs examples on here. The conversation with my mum was prompted by a news story and they’d said partner even though married for many years.
I do understand the partner comment being more inclusive than asking if got a boyfriend but I’d never ask someone outright if they had a boyfriend.
My dc age 17 says boyfriend or girlfriend.

Exactly.
I'm no language expert but IRL people seem to want the same weight attached to their 'partner' as to a spouse.
Now obviously if they have been together ages, share children etc fair enough.

But, anecdotal example, I have a relative wanting a wedding invite for her 'partner'. They are university students, living together in a student house share. Dating a year.

Erm nope. That's just dating. Calling them partner, elephant, husband, makes no difference to me, nobody else is getting a plus one. She won't be the only one, we have other divorced family members etc so it's not like she's going to be sat there like a lemon all alone while everyone else is lovingly paired up.

Might consider it if they had their own place together.. and you know she actually introduced us to the guy, but I'm not having someone I've never met at my tiny wedding.

I like there to be a word that indicates more commitment/investment/time served than girlfriend or boyfriend.

I also (this came to me just this minute!) don't think I would have wanted my children when they were at the dating stage to use a word that indicates more commitment and responsibility than they actually felt. I wanted them to feel free to move on at will!

@Highfivemum I think a lot of us have found this with the NHS.

DH says he found it among very young colleges in his workplace - education- as well.

I mentioned DMum irritation earlier in thread - but when it happened to me decade ago she insisted it was because I wasn't wearing my ring -sore finger - DH had his on - but while I noticed I was more focused on them being very difficult with communication with me - the person who'd have to help him when discharge and needed to get items and house set up for him - but giving out DH medical information to his parents and my parents with no qualms and without consulting DH.

I'll tell you what does piss me off though! The threads on here where people tell the OP that she isn't a step mother because she isn't married to the child's father, however long they have been together and however much love and involvement she has with the child concerned.

Partner is for people
With a commitment house etc in my view.

That said I wonder where boyfriend/girlfriend will go if we keep neutralising everything ? Themfriend?

It's not about being inclusive or gender non-specific. It's about someone you share more than dating with.

Rule of thumb: Unless you've bought a pet or a sofa together then they're not a partner.

Teenage relationships are just that. It is not healthy for them to make long term commitments at that age, even if some of those relationships do end up standing the test of time.

"Partner" implies a level of commitment that I would not want my child to make at such a young age. I think boyfriend/girlfriend are perfectly acceptable terms at that age.

In a small law form I worked in male boss used to call his boyfriend his boyfriend even though they were 50s professionals who lived together as his partner was C (my other boss) - small law firm owned by 2 business partners.
C was married to a barrister.
C’s barrister husband would introduce male boss as C’s partner.
This was some years ago but quite normal at the time.

Why is non gender specific language inherently 'good'?
partner isn't the same thing as boy/girlfriend so they aren't interchangeable.

TBF, judging a 16 year old for using a term that, for older people, has a inferrence of something else is daft. That just the inferrence we grew up with.

For people of a specific generation it had an inferrence that you'd be talking about a same sex romantic relationship.

Even older than most of us, partner may have meant business partner. For those even older than that (if they could still be alive after a few hundred years), it would indicate a more equal type marriage and by used to describe a wife or husband. Something that would appear to have happened (if only occasionally) back than and then again much more recently.

For those younger, maybe it incudes all levels of relationship complexity?

The other side of that thought is media referring to men as partners or stepfathers when they’ve murdered their girlfriends baby or toddler.
Some haven’t been with the woman 5 minutes but are referred to as step father.
I always think no he wasn’t.
Again language matters - oh baby’s with his step dad implies baby being cared for adequately v baby’s with a bloke I met online 4 weeks ago - people inc professionals much more on alert.

Partner reminds me of strictly. I never use it.

I don't care that much, but partner indicates life partner to me - I wouldn't use it for teenagers.

OTOH it can be more of a general catch-all, so if I was arranging e.g. a birthday dinner, Christmas, a wedding, I'd talk of "X, Y, Z and partners" even if one was a casual bf/gf and one was a spouse.

Another thing I hate (this thread is proving very good for my blood pressure!) is the idea that somehow "husband" is a promotion. Something to be proud of. Grrrrrr!

Whatever others want to call the person they are with is fine.

Personally I don't like the term partner - too business like and it was never considered by us to describe our relationship before we were married.

I think the issue some see with partner is because a partner suggests a level of long-term commitment and that the couple’s lives are somewhat entwined, so I would expect partners to have some joint things like shared finances or mortgage, shared pets or children, to be living together etc, I would see a partner as someone you see yourself being with long term and sharing your life with. If somebody split from their partner I would imagine it would be more complicated than just walking away because of things shared. A girlfriend or boyfriend is more casual, it suggests a commitment to being together but that lives and finances etc are largely still relatively separate and that they could split up and not really have anything to sort out before walking away. I wouldn’t expect teens to have a committed partner in that way which is why it would seem odd to me for a teen to refer to their partner.

I was surprised about the comments on the thread referred to as well.

As far as I'm concerned it does not matter how people describe others as long as people understand who is being talked about.

I have a friend who always describes her partner as "the man I sleep with", just because she gets fed up with uneccesary debates about what title someone should have.

I mean it's only relevant when deciding how much someone else should be enmeshed in the family - which was the point of that thread.

I have gay friends and none of them say partner..its either ,bf/gf or.they are married so it's husband/wife

I refer to my 'boyfriend' who is now my 'fiancé' as my partner.
We are not married, we've lived together for years and we have a child. For us, partner is an acceptable term for our circumstances.
But I think anything younger than 18, partner isn't necessarily the right word.

Reminds me of the advert where the dad introduces his mother's new man to his kids as her companion. Granny explains it's because he doesn't want to think of them getting it on. It always makes me smile, I think the granny is great.

To me partner is short for "life partner", and so only applies to people in committed long term relationships. For me the difference between a boyfriend and a partner is that the boyfriend is more casual or more recent. I would expect partners to live together and be in the habit of making joint life decisions. This is why by definition, teenagers do not have partners. But also I wouldn't be upset by other people using this term differently to how I use it, I guess.

Well it is sort of a “promotion” given its an additional legally recognised step. I don’t understand why that annoys you.

I do think it’s particularly annoying in a medical setting, for example a husband is legally a baby’s father from birth, whereas a partner is not until the baby is registered.