Said his pay rise will be *A little bit more money for himself

[Augustisthesundayofsummer]

Dh came home tonight and started talking about work and how things will change as he’s been given a more managerial role and would likely be a pay rise. After this he said ‘So I might get a little bit more money.,.for myself’ (He said the *For myself part quietly.
Aibu to be pissed off at this?
I work part time around our dc, 5 and am always the one dropping her, picking her up, doing the majority of childcare, household tasks, bills, organisation etc.
All our money goes into the same account for the mortgage, bills, food etc
Aibu to feel pissed off that he said the extra bit of money he gets will be for himself?
Barely any of the money I earn is *For myself, everything goes on bills and my Dd

Read the Op's posts properly people! She's not a SAHP!

This. Say that it's fine for him to want more money for himself as long as he respects the fact that you are PT to keep childcare costs down and because it's good for his children to have a parent around when young, so if he doesn't want to share the extra cash with you then you are financially compromised and the only answer is for both of you to go full time, both contribute to childcare costs etc.

My DH never wanted a joint account when DC were small and I was penniless. I had to ask for money and he kept forgetting to give me any, Then I started earning more and when he suggested we get a joint account I just gave him a long stare.

I don’t know how old your school are or how long you’ve been married - i am breadwinner and dh is revelry sahd for our 7 yo and 7 month old. It’s kind of hard to change mindset from ‘money I earn is mine’ to ‘money I earn is ours’ …perhaps a sit down chat about finances is overdue? We did one the other day and I was dreading it but feel loads better now everything is clear.

SummerDuck · Today 18:39

"Ultimately you are a SAHM, which your DH is enabling you to do. The money he earns is his to decide how to spend. You are not entitled to take it for your own spending money."

Where to even begin with this.....?

Lol! Brilliant.

Maybe she should partner up with Summer Duck. They seem equally vile. So just made for each other 😂😂😂.

And you're still married?

Perhaps respond by suggesting that when he knows how much the rise is, you should review the household budget and see whether there can be a bit of "spending money" for each of you. It's not unreasonable to want a bit of money that is his to spend how he chooses, but you are entitled to that too.

😂😂 pathetic

This.

Nonsense like this is why l am going back to work for the same number of hours as my husband, after my maternity leave ends

@TheaPrentice lm not sure where to start with it either 🤷‍♀️

My first thought if I was earning more would be that I’d have extra for Dd if needed.

I am really trying to understand this comment from the OP. Why is this? I’m on mother. I have a seven-year-old son and three-year-old daughter. It is not as if motherhood or parenthood is foreign to me. My children to a very wide range of activities, which all cost money and we have several household and domestic financial undertakings like anybody else. Still, I earmark a slice of my mornings, however, small that slice is for myself. I’m not a matter to my son or daughter. My latest be rise was kept entirely for myself.

Research didn’t have not heard from you OP why your thought process is this way that anything extra you might ever on must be dedicated to your child?

My typos are crazy tonight! “We still have not heard” the last sentence meant to say! Serves me right for being lazy, dictating into my iPad

Ah yes. Maybe he should work part time and look after his own kid then. Or use his extra money for childcare.

Wow this is absolutely not true!!! It’s not 1940 you know. Shocking!!

I cannot believe some of the ridiculous comments on here. You are a team. You both work and should both have an equal allowance of money for yourselves. Anyone suggesting your dh is frustrated because you are swanning about part time clearly has no understanding of the reality of being the part timer picking up the slack while the other partner puts all their time into their career. Or the huge amount of money you are saving him in childcare fees. I say that as someone who's dh is about to get an almighty shock when I go back full time in a few weeks....I'm not sure that he realises the washing, cleaning, cooking, ferrying kids to clubs, gardening, putting the bins out, doing the food shop and household admin fairies are fucking back off to work and he's going to live in an almighty shit hole unless he starts to do some more. He has never been against me be being part time (is probably against me being full time but hasn't said it because he knows its unfair) and has always made sure I have plenty of money too.

Yet another one of these bloody threads.

If you are married with children, all incoming money should be family money. If it isn't, someone (the higher earner) is taking the piss.

There is such a lack of respect for the role of ‘mother’ (from some on MN) these days that unless you are working full time and willing to take on over time you are considered a SAHP and treated as condescendingly as possible. Who needs the patriarchy when we have each other?!

If that's the way the game is being played, I'd keep your next pay rise to yourself. No pantomine whispers necessary. I might even take on some extra hours and tell him when he is on pick up and drop off.

@Combusting I’m not a martyr to my child at all, I don’t know why my automatic thought would be ‘Great, more money for things needed for Dd’ our mortgage is high, food shopping and bills are ridiculous now etc, I spend extra money on her clothes, days out, books etc, with a little extra, I’d perhaps get horse riding or piano lessons. There’s nothing I massively *Need, he’s things that would be nice, but my choice is for my Dd. It just pisses me off that Dh thinks of himself, his hobbies, gadgets etc.

My first thought if I was earning more would be that I’d have extra for Dd if needed.

I'm wondering why you would be a martyr and automatically put anything extra towards your dd/ household if you received a pay rise. Why can't you have a portion for yourself, your dh should also have some money for himself. Then pool the rest to pay bills, childcare and everything else. Talk to your dh and come up with a plan where you both have some personal spending money.

I agree with all those that said you should go back to work full time (pension/ career prospects etc) and share the childcare costs.

Well that depends how much disposable income they have and it doesn't sound like much from the ops posts

In which case any good parents first thought would be that it could be spent on things that their child will benefit from

Why can’t you work full time and get more money for your dd?

@TimeToMoveIt That’s it

Absolutely @Ghosttofu99