Said his pay rise will be *A little bit more money for himself

[Augustisthesundayofsummer]

Dh came home tonight and started talking about work and how things will change as he’s been given a more managerial role and would likely be a pay rise. After this he said ‘So I might get a little bit more money.,.for myself’ (He said the *For myself part quietly.
Aibu to be pissed off at this?
I work part time around our dc, 5 and am always the one dropping her, picking her up, doing the majority of childcare, household tasks, bills, organisation etc.
All our money goes into the same account for the mortgage, bills, food etc
Aibu to feel pissed off that he said the extra bit of money he gets will be for himself?
Barely any of the money I earn is *For myself, everything goes on bills and my Dd

What an arse. I found out I have a promotion today. I ran around the house shouting "We're rich, rich beyond our wildest dreams!" We're not at all, but it will mean that financially as a family we will be on more of an even keel. No way do I see that money as mine. It is family money. I might be able to get some nice winter boots, but not at the expense of essentials and everyone else's needs and wants.

I don't think any extra shoulder be your choice only to spend and for it all go go on trips out/classes for your dd. Perhaps he feels the current arrangement isn't fair? Sit down and talk about it

Same. Surely this is a troll?

yep.

We've had a lot of those types of poster lately. I know they're always there, but from time to time we get an influx.

@anonymousxoxo I can, but my main goal was to be able to drop her off at school and pick her up. I sacrifice my weekend mornings to work as she’s with Dh, it’s just what my plan always was. It’s not ideal to me to drop her real early and pick her up late. The way I’ve worked it, I can work around still being able to do these things
My sim wasn’t to have loads of money, it was to have enough to pay everything, enough for Dd and a good lifestyle with quality of life and time together being the ultimate, is that so wrong?

*Really early

Ultimately you’ve made that decision so you have to forgo extra money. Your dh didn’t hence why he wants to keep the money to himself. It will only continue to grow

It’s so sad

But you want it all ways. So this is your plan, you’re doing it. With that comes financial sacrifice. You both earn a good salary you are saying. You want to spend it all on your child. Fair enough. But he doesn’t need to do the same, so it’s fine for him to want some money to himself, not pay for riding lessons.

But the all the op wants to spend on the child doesn't sound like it's much at all

She hasn't said the child has any lessons so I don't know why you are going on about riding lessons

Believe it or not some people can't afford any lessons for their children so if their was a pay rise it could pay for swimming lessons, dancing for the child to be able to have 1 lesson

I've been here since 2009 and it's definitely worse

This thread just screams full of men

@DrSbaitso What type of posters? What I’m posting about?

"Ultimately you’ve made that decision so you have to forgo extra money. Your dh didn’t hence why he wants to keep the money to himself. It will only continue to grow"

Are you quite well?

Yeah but she might be enabling his career potential by taking on the chores etc.

What is wrong with certain people on here that they expect so little from their husbands?! Of course what's his is hers and vice versa. They are MARRIED. They have a CHILD together. The time for "my money" nonsense has sailed. This is the most basic of basic concepts in a marriage - does it even need saying? Some people in here are on another planet, I swear to god.

No - the dickheads devalueing sahps.

Maybe have an honest chat about how much stuff costs and do a budget where you get equal disposable personal money. If he says no, back to work full time and split childcare costs and all household chores and duties.

Dh got a payrise recently, we didn’t discuss it because it just goes in the family pot and then spent on the money sponge that is our DD.

@Combusting I've heard that supposedly a lot of mums feel bad spending anything on themselves. But having a few of our own things, even if it's just a bit of time to do something, is bound to make someone more upbeat which'd be good for everyone else too. Fill our own cups and that.

Please at least read her posts before commenting.

Did he mean 'a little bit' of the salary increase? So, if 90% goes in the family pot and he keeps 10%, for example. That doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

Without hearing his tone, it is easy to pass judgement. It could've easily been a sad tone because he feels he never has spare for himself at the moment. Without being inside this relationship, we have a mere snapshot and a report of words. We do not know what he meant, or how he feels. A lot of assumptions are made.

To use the MN phrase, use your words. Let him know you heard, and ask what he meant. Ask to listen and understand, not to reply.

"This thread just screams full of men"

Yes. Lonely ones in dark rooms.

I do think he should get a bit extra. But on the other hand why have five children as this would be a strain on most households.How dare a person suggest they should get more of the money they've earned,.

I've read all the ops posts and she's replied to mu post as well

Maybe you should read all ops posts . Including the one where she says her dh spends money on his hobby

It's clear to me that the OP's husband wants to allocate the extra funds differently than the OP who wants to spend it all on their daughter.