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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH's friend said this during my wedding

315 replies

orangeberry · 08/08/2023 16:47

I have just got married.

DH has a friendship group consisting of himself, Sarah, Vanessa and Jessica (not real names). They have been friends for a long time.

At my wedding, during the reception, Sarah said "Vanessa should have been the best man anyway". This was in earshot of me as I came to mingle with their table and thank them for coming.

DH's best men were my brother and my FIL, DH's father.

DH has reached out to Vanessa and Jessica and Vanessa has stressed that the best man comment did not come from her and they are both horrified by Sarah's actions on the wedding day. Vanessa and Jessica both said that Sarah put a real downer on the whole evening and tried to drag everyone down with her; she was miserable.

I'm upset by the comment Sarah made about Vanessa being the best man when my DBro was one of DH's best men and he gave such a lovely speech and they have a great bond. I'm more upset that she chose to say that during my own wedding reception!

AIBU to reach out to Sarah to let her know that I am hurt?

OP posts:
Serendipitoushedgehog · 08/08/2023 20:26

It probably would have got back to her through the others.

JenniferBarkley · 08/08/2023 20:30

It was our reception, any comments like that should have been kept to herself and not broadcasted during our day.

People say all sorts of shit at weddings. Not unusual for a man's best friend to be his best man. I don't see what she did that was so horrific.

Serendipitoushedgehog · 08/08/2023 20:31

orangeberry · 08/08/2023 19:35

I wanted to clarify a few things.

DH chose his best men, and he chose his dad and my brother as he is very close to them. He didn't consider choosing his female friends.

Sarah was mid loud rant when I heard her saying "Vanessa should have been the best man anyway!" I had gone over to the table she was on and had welcomed them with open arms.

It was our reception, any comments like that should have been kept to herself and not broadcasted during our day.

It felt like a slight towards my brother, he is the most gentle, kind soul and would never say a bad word to anyone.

It was our reception, any comments like that should have been kept to herself and not broadcasted during our day

I think your naive to think people don’t sometimes make bitchy comments at weddings, for all kinds of reasons.

I was at a lovely, but very rainy wedding once when one of my friends said to her DH, “at least it didn’t rain at our wedding!”

My friend and her DH split up shortly after. So she probably has some issues and for whatever reason chose to make a nasty comment, but I wouldn’t get involved or let it spoil your memories of the day.

Crimeismymiddlename · 08/08/2023 20:38

People go a bit loopy at weddings, I know they bring out the melancholy in me. Ignore it, it’s nice family were best men. I would like it if my dad was my brothers best man-he would love it but it is not my place to suggest it.

Snugglemonkey · 08/08/2023 20:39

Why are you hurt? Honestly. This is a nonsense. I would not give it a second thought.

Hiddenvoice · 08/08/2023 20:40

I would try ignore it and move on. Your dh chose who he wanted. The girl was probably annoyed it wasn’t actually her chosen and wanted to drag the others into it.
Dh has checked in with his friends, 2 of which didn’t really care and don’t want to be involved in it.
I’d pass on to dh that it’s bothered you and then I’d just move, don’t bother bringing it up with her unless she mentions it again.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 08/08/2023 20:41

DH chose his best men, and he chose his dad and my brother as he is very close to them. He didn't consider choosing his female friends

Let it go. It's not important.

suburbophobe · 08/08/2023 20:55

It is a bit weird that yours chose your relatives (especially two of them) as his best men if he had friends that could have done it.

Goodness me. Sometimes, some stuff I read on here brings me back to the 1950's (I was born during that decade).

We're in the 21st Century. Things CAN be done differently.

And thank god for that

PoseyFlump · 08/08/2023 20:59

Wow, Some people like to take a snippet of what has been said and just run wild with their imagination.

Like everyone here. Some very nasty comments to a new bride. And all this fucking ridiculing of 'reach out'. Just being nasty for the sake of it.

Kinneddar · 08/08/2023 21:03

Some very nasty comments to a new bride

A new bride? What is this 1950??

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 08/08/2023 21:10

Of course she should have kept her comments to herself but I wouldn’t have acknowledged it and I definitely wouldn’t have told DH.

When was your wedding?

Just forget about it and move on, as your wedding is supposed to be a happy day and you’re making it negative.
If she wanted to make a scene or cause an issue then you are playing right into her hands.

Oohmissus · 08/08/2023 21:11

all this fucking ridiculing of 'reach out'

That's because it's fucking ridiculous.

DappledThings · 08/08/2023 21:14

PoseyFlump · 08/08/2023 20:59

Wow, Some people like to take a snippet of what has been said and just run wild with their imagination.

Like everyone here. Some very nasty comments to a new bride. And all this fucking ridiculing of 'reach out'. Just being nasty for the sake of it.

It's not nasty, it's innocuous, gentle and entirely reasonable mocking of an overused and overblown phrase.

JFDIYOLO · 08/08/2023 21:20

'Vanessa and Jessica both said that Sarah put a real downer on the whole evening and tried to drag everyone down with her; she was miserable.'

Keep a very beady eye on Sarah.
Maybe ... Ease her out of the friend group ...

swimminginthesun · 08/08/2023 21:20

What else did she say in her “loud rant”? That comment alone wouldn’t bother me and is definitely not worth making a fuss over. But I sense we’re not getting the whole story here. Her friends were horrified and she was miserable all evening. There’s more to this than one comment.

BlastedIce · 08/08/2023 21:33

PoseyFlump · 08/08/2023 20:59

Wow, Some people like to take a snippet of what has been said and just run wild with their imagination.

Like everyone here. Some very nasty comments to a new bride. And all this fucking ridiculing of 'reach out'. Just being nasty for the sake of it.

A new bride…..

FFS, do you think she’s trying to come to terms with running a home and making sure her new husband is happy with her.

is this what a 2023 wife has to live up to?

Housework and the care of children was considered woman's work so the man would expect the house to be clean and tidy, meal ready, children fed and washed and his clothes all ready for the next day at work.

in reality it’s the same stuff she was doing the week before she “became a new bride”, but now with a ring on her finger.

This is one of the funniest most old fashioned comments I’ve ever read on MN!

Northernparent68 · 08/08/2023 21:41

Does he not have any male friends ? Did the female friends go on the stag do ? I think not having any friends of the same sex is the bigger issue.

AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 08/08/2023 21:50

BlastedIce · 08/08/2023 20:03

But it’s not the grooms brother..

Show quote history

Well no, but it's his wives brother, now his brother in law, so they probably spend a lot of time together.

Plus OP has already said they are very close and it was his decision.

Anyway you've kind of proven a point. Not his brother so shouldn't be weird he choose a friend he's very close to, but that's what BIL is.

It shows a lot of people don't consider their family or inlaws as their friends as well.

No one seems to bother if a bride choosing her sister, husbands sister or friends as her own bridal party.

Anyway, not the point of the thread.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 08/08/2023 21:55

Well no, but it's his wives brother

How many wives do you think he's got?

BadNomad · 08/08/2023 21:56

Isn't the best man usually the best friend? If Vanessa is his best friend, but he chose your brother because Vanessa is a woman, then I can see why Sarah would be annoyed at the patriarchy/misogyny/sexism. I don't know why you're taking it so personally. It isn't a slight on your brother to say the groom has other friends he is closer to.

Grandomens · 08/08/2023 22:00

BlastedIce · 08/08/2023 21:33

A new bride…..

FFS, do you think she’s trying to come to terms with running a home and making sure her new husband is happy with her.

is this what a 2023 wife has to live up to?

Housework and the care of children was considered woman's work so the man would expect the house to be clean and tidy, meal ready, children fed and washed and his clothes all ready for the next day at work.

in reality it’s the same stuff she was doing the week before she “became a new bride”, but now with a ring on her finger.

This is one of the funniest most old fashioned comments I’ve ever read on MN!

Show quote history

You're extrapolating an awful lot from the use of two words.
Perhaps pp simply meant OP's wedding was a special time for her and people are being needlessly critical. It's fairly normal to be a bit stressed about wedding day events.

BlastedIce · 08/08/2023 22:01

AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 08/08/2023 21:50

Well no, but it's his wives brother, now his brother in law, so they probably spend a lot of time together.

Plus OP has already said they are very close and it was his decision.

Anyway you've kind of proven a point. Not his brother so shouldn't be weird he choose a friend he's very close to, but that's what BIL is.

It shows a lot of people don't consider their family or inlaws as their friends as well.

No one seems to bother if a bride choosing her sister, husbands sister or friends as her own bridal party.

Anyway, not the point of the thread.

Show quote history

Which one of his wives brothers did he choose?

So, would you expect the groom to be upset if he heard someone comment on his new wife’s choice of bridesmaid? Do you think he would say it upset his day?

No, I doubt it!

BlastedIce · 08/08/2023 22:04

Grandomens · 08/08/2023 22:00

You're extrapolating an awful lot from the use of two words.
Perhaps pp simply meant OP's wedding was a special time for her and people are being needlessly critical. It's fairly normal to be a bit stressed about wedding day events.

Show quote history

They weren’t critical of the bride, they weren’t critical of the groom, they were having a discussion that OP overheard.

Jesus, this takes bridsezilla to a whole new level! If this is what OP has taken away from her wedding day and the need to reach out….. well that’s sad!

Grandomens · 08/08/2023 22:13

BlastedIce · 08/08/2023 22:04

They weren’t critical of the bride, they weren’t critical of the groom, they were having a discussion that OP overheard.

Jesus, this takes bridsezilla to a whole new level! If this is what OP has taken away from her wedding day and the need to reach out….. well that’s sad!

Show quote history

Maybe, but all that has nothing much to do with the fact that you've extrapolated an awful lot from a pp's use of 'new bride', which was my point.

AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 08/08/2023 22:13

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 08/08/2023 21:55

Well no, but it's his wives brother

How many wives do you think he's got?

Hit the key below by accident but thank you for your comment as I hadn't noticed it.

Apologies if the wrong letter confused you despite the OP, but I gathered from the OP she's the only wife. HTH