to not invite them on this day out

[QueenBlue]

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

The grandparents have arranged the treat for their own grandchildren. No need for him to take all the kids out.

The day out was planned by the grandparents. You can't just invite extra kids along to someone else's treat. As most commenting on the 'siblings at birthday parties' threads will concede!

I'll bet most of the 'unreasonable' voters don't have SC and can't understand the difficulties.

I’m confident that you’ve got that covered for all of us tbh.

OP’s parents who arranged and planned all of this in the first place were able to spend time with their children and grandchildren.

Honestly, the amount of posters who have completely forgotten OP’s parents in this situation is ridiculous.

I have full cousins I've never met, step-cousins I've never met, plus a couple of step-cousins I only saw extremely rarely, if visits to/from us happened to coincide with them being around at the time. I don't think any of us were traumatised by the lack.

Not at all, it sounds exactly as horrible as it is, which is quite horrible enough.

Sorry but I put the well-being of a 9 and 11 year old above the sensibilities of OP’s parents.

I don’t have stepchildren. And yeah, within the law people are free to decide what works for them in their own individual families. It isn’t for anyone else to dictate what they ‘have’ to do, despite what some posters desperately like to believe.

Still needs work.

My bad- I must have assumed that.

As yes I quite agree that people who are awful to their step children are not necessarily breaking any laws. I find it completely absurd that you think that’s sufficient to justify treating a child (or anyone) like shit.

Some of the hyperbole on this thread is just amazing.

One of the best / worst threads I’ve seen on MN

Agree and maybe have a think about your DH

I'm a step mum to two SDC and have my own as well. I fully get the difficulties and I think OP is unreasonable. It's very clear from all her updates that she does not consider her SDC part of her family and does not want to put any effort into building a family with them now that she has her own DC. The claim that they "play-up" is a cop-out. All kids go through periods of being annoying - just look at all the "oh my god it's 6 weeks of DC on school holidays" threads - and kids from split parents have it doubly hard. They're between houses, negotiating different relationships with different dynamics all while figuring themselves out. I love my two SDC - all the more so because it was bloody hard in the beginning and I fully expect more challenges when they hit teenage years. But that's the deal when you have get together (and have further children) with a guy who has had children. Not up for it? Don't shack up with the guy. Find another one without kids. It's all down to the adults in this situation, not the kids.

My parents actually went out of their way to ask to take DSD out for the afternoon this week. My son, their grandson was at nursery.
I'm not sure they'd feel the same way if I told them they were no longer allowed to do anything nice with their own grandchildren just because their daughter married a man with a child.
They are good people. But they are people, not robots. They can't be made or programmed to have a relationship with a random child. Your approach would be a fabulous way to squish out any good feeling though.

Lol, you like to assume a lot of things.

Your definition of ‘like shit’ is wildly different to mine, but I don’t see the point in arguing that one with you. You are more than welcome to think it absurd, that doesn’t make it any less a statement of fact. You can be as mad about it as you like, and I indeed encourage you to stomp your feet about it to your hearts content - that’s entirely a ‘you’ problem.

You are well within your rights to go just with your DC. Step children don't need to go everywhere with you. Those of you suggesting they do are silly. If you want a day out with your sister nephew and parents, you go! My step children don't come on days out when I go with my sister and her children and my parents. Even if they are at our house; I go without them and leave my partner and them to it.

I remember being round my cousins' house once when they got a delivery. It was a load of presents from their grandparents (other side of the family, so not my grandparents). I was about 6 and was confused as to why I didn't get any presents. My mum explained that their GP weren't mine so they hadn't bought for me.

I was round another cousin's as a teen, being looked after by my aunt, when they all went out to a family wedding. Other side of the family again, so I wasn't invited. I was 15. I rented a movie and stayed in her home by myself.

Neither occasion left me feeling traumatised for being 'left out.' Its just how family works- and that's a nuclear, 'traditional' family! Step families have all sorts of complexities, and step parenting is a difficult, thankless task sometimes. As it shows when you can't even have one day with your bio family without being demonised online 🙄

if I told them they were no longer allowed to do anything nice with their own grandchildren

How dramatic. they have ample opportunity when SDC aren’t there I’m sure. What they shouldnt do is insist that SDC stay at home on one of their days at dad’s, when their sibling is off out to a theme park, just because they want some alone time with their grandchild. How nasty and selfish.

the statement of fact is OP is not breaking the law. I agree with that fact.
the view that this fact alone justifies her behaviour is one of opinion, an opinion that I find absurd.

As long as it's legal, it's fine! 🙄

Maybe the DH should not have agreed to have his kids on a day that OP and her family already had plans then.
The DH created the problem. The DH refused to be proactive in finding a solution. His parents in law just wanted a nice day with their kids and grandchildren.

What they shouldnt do is insist that SDC stay at home on one of their days at dad’s, when their sibling is off out to a theme park, just because they want some alone time with their grandchild. How nasty and selfish.

Nobody insisted they stay home, they just weren't invited to the same outing.

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