to not invite them on this day out

[QueenBlue]

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

You’re not the only person with kids that age so no need to ‘tell’ me anything…

They’ll be absolutely fine as long as their lazy arse father doesn’t just sulk. If he does something with them they’ll have a good day.

Hell he could even book tickets and go and do his own thing if he’s so adamant his kids should be going. The Op can’t actually stop him…

But we all know he won’t because he is the problem.

The Stepchildren are a part of your family, you married their dad, your child gets to spend full time with their dad, how would you feel if their dad planned a awesome day with his kids and left your child at home.

If you didn't have the SC that day it would be no issue but as you do it's extremely cruel to exclude them from a day out they will see you going on with the other kids

Ahh yeah let's make the kids suffer. Perfect solution.

But what if they went without you I mean it all seems pretty harsh on the SC

So ok for the younger one to suffer his siblings taking over the day again, but the Op can’t leave their day to their father?

How’s that fair?

Hopefully the OP is, as she sounds, reaching the end of her tether with her DH and can escape his laziness soon

Might actually force him to do something with the older two

This is what a lot of posters don't seem to get, the fact is the SC are going to be upset and feel left out, regardless of whether that's the OHs fault. Unless she's going to leave her DH then she is being unnecessarily mean to these kids.

Because they are siblings and you have to put up with each other? I'm sure they have plenty of days out without the step kids when they're not at their house.

you should have thought about that before you married him. Excluding your stepchildren is weird

they are kids do you think they won’t feel left out? They probably won’t be bratty forever but they’ll always remember how you treated them

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

Well, that's good of them. I'm sure that'll make everything right.

Equally we could say “I’m sure the step kids have plenty of days out when they’re not at that house” too…

Well I bet you in return that if the OP's child misbehaves, she's allowed to discipline him and has his father's backing, whereas I bet you that she is not allowed to discipline her SC, and if she does, is not supported by her husband. I bet therein lies the difference. I also bet that there's quite a difference between a 5 year old being able to understand behaviour and consequential punishment, and a 9 and 11 year being able to understand it - I bet that most people would believe the latter 2 should by now be able to understand how they need to behave, and should therefore not be given the same latitude and repeat chances as a still learning 5 year old. I bet that being able to deal with one tantruming 5 year old, who is your own child, in a public space is a whole lot easier than dealing with two fighting 9 and 11 year olds, who have been schooled by their father (I bet) that they can do no wrong.

You do realise that her perfectly behaved child is going to turn into a pre-pubescent horror at about 8 and will be arguing and fighting with the step siblings too don't you????

She doesn't see them as her family.

I've worked with children for 30 years about 95% turn horrible at puberty and a similar amount of siblings fight squabble and argue most of the time ....you can't ditch them unless you can afford a boarding school.

i think it's a little unfair on the SC .. do understand your side too though. Maybe DH can take them to a theme park another day and you and DC stay home to seem fair? Kids that age love theme parks and I’d imagine would feel quite sad that they aren’t invited but if told they are going on X day instead I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.

How wonderful for the DSC to have the opportunity to spend some quality time with just them and Dad, in that case.
No need for their SM and her family to intrude on their time together.
Did you mean "if their dad planned an awesome day with some of his kids?" No worries there, the fact that he won't do it for any of them has been well documented.

No, we get it, we just don’t believe it’s OP’s responsibility to make up for their father’s failings.

So you think the ops children should go on sleep overs to the ex's home?

But does the op say they have been naughty today or that I'm not wanting to take them because they will probably be naughty? If you exclude just in case are you being fair? If you expect bad behaviour your vibe gets bad behaviour kids know you don't like them.

Sorry not completely caught up yet but just to say me, DC, parents sisrer and nephew went and had the lovely day we planned. All very tired and ready for bed now!

I must say some of these replies are quite ridiculous to me, absolutely fine to disagree with going without SC, that's your opinion but things like missing out on days with their step cousin...?! Crazy. They've never even met 🤣

Then you say at the time of the behaviour....carry on like that and tomorrow you will stay home and follow through you don't say retrospectively you were naughty 2 weeks ago so here's your punishment they are not convicts in front of a judge but children. Would you accept a school dishing out punishment next term for last terms behaviour for an 8 year old?

Glad to hear it OP!

@QueenBlue glad you had a lovely day, you deserved it.

The 8 year old nephew won't enjoy being on a toddler ride as much as going on some bigger rides with the 9 and 11 year old especially when the 5 year old is flagging and exhausted.