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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not invite them on this day out

1000 replies

QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:03

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

OP posts:
Backagain23 · 09/08/2023 21:35

Brunts12 · 09/08/2023 21:29

OP, you come across quite nasty.
I won’t be surprised if these stepchildren will exclude you and your child from their lives in the future, because you are “not their family”.
I bet, you won’t like it.

OP isn't their mother and hasn't indicated that's the role she's after in their life so this isn't the "ha, gotcha" moment you'd like to think it is.
If they deliberately ostracise their younger sibling as adults for having the cheek to have a single day out with their own mother and grandparents at the age of 5 then they aren't much of a loss, are they?

ludocris · 09/08/2023 21:35

Telling, isn't it @Tandora.

Tandora · 09/08/2023 21:37

ludocris · 09/08/2023 21:35

Telling, isn't it @Tandora.

Says it all.

billy1966 · 09/08/2023 21:38

Delighted to read all went well.

Yea...step cousin?????😳

Why any woman would consider step parenting is genuinely beyond me.

Thankless doesn't come near it.

mealtickett · 09/08/2023 21:41

QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:58

I guess I don't understand why if he can change work to come with us, why he can't change it to go out somewhere else with them. No one is forcing him to stay at home miserable all day.

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in black and white, you have just confirmed why you are really doing it. punishing the 2 kids for the dad's inadequacy. I was 'half' with you until I started seeing your true colours.

Titchyfeep · 09/08/2023 21:42

yabu. This is pretty shitty. Your stepchildren are still your family. I hope you don’t make it obvious to them that your prioritise your biological child.

Dramatic · 09/08/2023 21:45

This reply has been deleted

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Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 09/08/2023 21:45

Presumably op's dps never made declarations to add the dsc to their responsibility? Therefore inviting their dd and their dgc was more than acceptable.. When I was a sm my dm never even met my dsc... Absolutely no need at all. Glad you had a nice day op. If dsc didn't that is on the 2 parents they have not on you.

Filly1234 · 09/08/2023 21:46

I can both sides here, as l personally think it’s just as important to have separate time with your own family and children, and this would apply to your parents spending time with you and your sister too, without having your DH and SC there, so don’t see why it should be an issue for your DH to allow you to do this and him to spend quality time with SC doing their own thing, however as you are going to a Theme Park for the day, as others have suggested don’t see why you can all go and them have time away on doing separate rides/activities, particularly with the age differences of the children. I have a large (extended) family with lots of nieces and nephews of all different ages, and so we do split off when going to theme park type places anyway, so everyone can have fun and enjoy the activities they like.

Dramatic · 09/08/2023 21:46

Backagain23 · 09/08/2023 21:35

OP isn't their mother and hasn't indicated that's the role she's after in their life so this isn't the "ha, gotcha" moment you'd like to think it is.
If they deliberately ostracise their younger sibling as adults for having the cheek to have a single day out with their own mother and grandparents at the age of 5 then they aren't much of a loss, are they?

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If you think this is going to be an isolated incident then you are incredibly naive

Tandora · 09/08/2023 21:51

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Very clear and very upsetting

ludocris · 09/08/2023 21:52

@Dramatic absolutely, especially given that it's apparently laughable to suggest that they might see OP's nephew as their cousin when they've never even met him.

HeidInTheBaw · 09/08/2023 21:56

QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:49

Well yes I would like one day out with my family.

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They ARE your family. Your child is their sibling. You’re being nasty and unreasonable, especially as your husband is willing to look after them and they will most likely be on different rides. Poor kids, parents split, stepmother who doesn’t care about them and Dad who can’t be bothered most of the time. No wonder they play up.

mealtickett · 09/08/2023 21:56

Full disclosure, I am one of those who caution against MN's sensitivity and projection when it comes to darling SC, however, even I do not agree with OP. Your family must understand you have SC. You presumably knew 6 years ago that it' s ONLy you who organises fun things for SC and yet went ahead to get pregnant by this man-why? And why, you have decided this is the time to make a statement to your DH about how independent minded you are, just because it suits you, and thereby having no care about the feelings of SC who are innocent in this war with your DH? Sorry, it just reveals you as a nasty person to SC.

Tandora · 09/08/2023 21:56

ludocris · 09/08/2023 21:52

@Dramatic absolutely, especially given that it's apparently laughable to suggest that they might see OP's nephew as their cousin when they've never even met him.

It appears that even the idea that they should/ would/ could have ever met is hilarious to the OP.

Nofurme · 09/08/2023 22:04

OP, great you all had and enjoyed the nice day out you had planned.

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 22:04

Yep, here’s the handwringing to close the thread out. Meanwhile, OP’s relaxing after a long and enjoyable day with her family.

SemperIdem · 09/08/2023 22:05

zombie0037 · 09/08/2023 20:32

The Stepchildren are a part of your family, you married their dad, your child gets to spend full time with their dad, how would you feel if their dad planned a awesome day with his kids and left your child at home.

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Based on what she has shared with her husband, I suspect her first emotion would be profound shock.

ludocris · 09/08/2023 22:07

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 22:04

Yep, here’s the handwringing to close the thread out. Meanwhile, OP’s relaxing after a long and enjoyable day with her family.

*Her real family

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 22:08

ludocris · 09/08/2023 22:07

*Her real family

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If you like ☺️

Jessica0508 · 09/08/2023 22:10

Yes you are being unreasonable, that’s your family too… your husband and kids and step kids. That wouldn’t have ever happened in my eyes. You should have made them aware first thing that your husband and SC would be around and they’re your family so ofcourse they come. And as for the issues you have with them arguing etc…I don’t imagine your children are perfect little angels? Kids at that age will obviously act differently as mine do. You should definitely be taking them too

Tandora · 09/08/2023 22:14

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 22:04

Yep, here’s the handwringing to close the thread out. Meanwhile, OP’s relaxing after a long and enjoyable day with her family.

Meanwhile, OP’s relaxing after a long and enjoyable day with her family, regardless and with apparent total lack of concern for the impact on her step children.

there I finished it for you.

Dramatic · 09/08/2023 22:15

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 22:04

Yep, here’s the handwringing to close the thread out. Meanwhile, OP’s relaxing after a long and enjoyable day with her family.

Jeez your compassion for a couple of young kids is just seeping through 🙄

Backagain23 · 09/08/2023 22:16

Dramatic · 09/08/2023 21:46

If you think this is going to be an isolated incident then you are incredibly naive

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If you think a child having a day out with his own mother and grandparents is an "incident" and that your preferred default position of never allowing those relationships to be a priority would never cause resentment or disharmony in the family then I think you are incredibly naive.
So we are all square.

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2023 22:17

Tandora · 09/08/2023 22:14

Meanwhile, OP’s relaxing after a long and enjoyable day with her family, regardless and with apparent total lack of concern for the impact on her step children.

there I finished it for you.

Show quote history

If you’re going to finish it for me then at least put some effort in and ramp up the drama. Needs work.

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