to not invite them on this day out

[QueenBlue]

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

Yes.....but their 5yo brother isn't sat at their house wondering why he's been left out

@QueenBlue did DH organise an outing with the older two? Was that side of it all ok?

Glad you had a good day

Oh yeah I forgot all children turn in to complete angels at the age of 8

No, he just gets to wonder why every day out they have ends up being all about his half siblings

Nothing damaging there at all.

Best the OP sacrifice his days out rather than put the blame where it belongs

they tend to dominate any day out we have, fall out constantly

They aren't too bad at home as they have separate bedrooms so can get away from each other. Days out are horrible though and admittedly I really don't enjoy them

The OP has experience of a repeat pattern of bad behaviour on the part pf the SC on days out. What consequence should these children face for ruining days out other than not being invited on the next day out? It seems to me that the consequences fit the behaviour, and this is how they will learn that they need to behave if they want to go out in future.

So a 9 and 11 year old wouldn't want to go on the rides and 8 year old would? Or be at a theme park and have the emotional maturity to accept next week I'll take you where swimming???? Let alone sit down for a cuppa with the non nephew and non auntie who will be full of where they've just been.....

The blended family thing is lost on you, just take your bio kids and leave your step kids at home, don't worry about them feeling left out, nice work

Well @Dramatic if your average 8 or 11 year old is still behaving like a 5 year old, has the understanding of behaviour and consequences of a 5 year old, and if you hold them to the same standards of a 5 year old, then I would say something has gone seriously wrong in their parenting and schooling.

Well of course they haven't met considering the SC are not part of the family!!!!! 🤣🤣 Oh it's just so funny 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What are you talking about? It would include them all, why would it be just about them? He'll get days out when his siblings are at their mum's house so it won't be "every day out"

Why would anyone care about that??

Did I say they would act like 5 year olds? They'll probably act like 11 and 8 year olds, who are sometimes unreasonable and not perfectly behaved

I think if you're going to get together with someone who already has dch, you have to accept them as part of your family. If you want 'your' dch, parents etc to be your own little family with no interlopers, don't choose a DP who's already got dch. You're treating them like second class citizens.

Agree that some of the replies here are ridiculous and crazy.

Glad you had a great day out!

In which case, they are also old enough to understand that actions have consequences, and bad behaviour in a particular situation - misbehaving and ruining a day out - is not rewarded with more treat days out.

The 8 year old nephew won't enjoy being on a toddler ride as much as going on some bigger rides with the 9 and 11 year old especially when the 5 year old is flagging and exhausted.

Which is precisely why the 5 year old would be unlikely to get much bonding time with their one and only cousin that they rarely see if they were there.

Whenever there is a middle aged child around when my DSS is there, my DD is generally ignored.

My dsd can be extremely badly behaved but I'd never take all the other kids to a theme park and exclude her. That's a way to make behaviour and resentment much worse.

So happy you had a great time. You made the right decision.

I hope your DH learnt a lesson about being a 'present' parent, but I doubt it.

When it comes to child responsibilities (step or otherwise) 'Leave it to the wifey, it's a woman's job' seems to be bred in the bone of so many men these days and too many women seem to swallow that BS hook, line, and sinker. And how much of that is the pressure from other women, not facing the situation themselves, who claim to be 'all mother-goddess' to their and everyone else's children.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Again, this: vm.tiktok.com/ZGJgt1vEf/

I personally never wanted step children so I didn’t marry anyone with kids but I personally have a huge issue with this! If his kids were not around then 100% fine. But in the same house at the time? This is very cruel especially since your dh offered to go with (and presumably look after them)

OP, you come across quite nasty.
I won’t be surprised if these stepchildren will exclude you and your child from their lives in the future, because you are “not their family”.
I bet, you won’t like it.

This is very cruel especially since your dh offered to go with (and presumably look after them)

How to say you haven't read the thread (or just the OP's posts) without actually saying you haven't.

OP I'm glad you got to have your lovely day, and your DS too.

I'm also glad you got in just in time to post a response before the thread fills up!!

Nice to see the feelings of your two SC and their experience of the day were included in your update.

😡😡