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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not invite them on this day out

1000 replies

QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:03

My parents and sister live a couple of hours away from me and my husband so we don't get to spend much time with them or they with our child who is now 5.

They are coming up tomorrow and have arranged to take me, my sister, my nephew and my DC out for the day to an amusement park. We rarely do anything as a family so looking forward to it.

The thing is my husbands older two children are with us tomorrow (I'm off and DH is working from home in the morning but off in the afternoon). This is outside of their normal time with us due to the school holidays so my parents didn't know when they booked to come but in any event they would prefer it to be just us anyway as they don't get much time with our child and my SC can be quite full on and argumentative.

DH is pulling his face that I don't want to or haven't offered to take SC and has said he can work flex in the evening instead so he can come too with them. I've told him no and to just let my parents spend a day with me and our child.

Aibu not inviting SC and DH along? For context they are 9 (SD) and 11 (SS). Our child is 5 and my nephew is 8.

My parents and sister will be coming back to ours after we've been out to have a cup of tea and stuff and say hello before heading home so will see them later on.

OP posts:
ShreddiesGirl · 08/08/2023 10:14

YANBU.

Sunshineclouds11 · 08/08/2023 10:17

I don't see the harm in your DH and SC going along tbh, let DH see to them.

Original poster
QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:26

Sunshineclouds11 · 08/08/2023 10:17

I don't see the harm in your DH and SC going along tbh, let DH see to them.

As harsh as it may sound they tend to dominate any day out we have, fall out constantly ect and I just want to have a nice day with my family and child that we rarely get the chance to do. And although I haven't said it to DH, I know my parents would prefer it too if it were just us.

OP posts:
Plumbear2 · 08/08/2023 10:31

This would be weird to me. I grew up and in a step family. My grandparents treated my step siblings the same way they treated me and my brother, and their grandparents did the same for me. It would have been weird to be left out of an outing like this. I feel very sorry when step kids are treated this way.

OhHeyBabe · 08/08/2023 10:31

I think you're being unreasonable. If the children were with their mother then that would be absolutely fine not to take them, but not this. They'll see you and their sibling getting ready and then heading off for a fun day out whilst they have to stay at home whilst dad works. Do they want to go?

Hoppinggreen · 08/08/2023 10:33

I think it’s fine to just take your child as it’s your family.
You know the dynamics

BarrelOfOtters · 08/08/2023 10:33

Bit weird not to take them...I'm a stepmum and that wouldn't have felt right.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/08/2023 10:33

I think you should let them come with your husband.

ADHDDDDDDDBOOM · 08/08/2023 10:34

Oh that's a bit mean.

DH can manage their behaviour.

greenmarsupial · 08/08/2023 10:36

I think it's a bit mean not to take them as DH is offering to go too. If it's an amusement park then they will be going on different things to the other children due to their ages so you and your family won't be spending the whole day with them anyway.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 08/08/2023 10:37

I think that is so tight.

You're going to an amusement park and you don't want them to come, even though their dad is willing to change his working hours to come along?

Surely the older kids will want to go different rides etc.

Can they not go off with their dad, rather than you outright banning them.

I couldn't comprehend doing this.

frazzledasarock · 08/08/2023 10:39

i think it’s a good thing for your DH to spend some quality one on one time with both his children. Why can’t he organise something for the three of them why does he need to barge in on your family time?

BigButtons · 08/08/2023 10:40

It doesn’t matter what you or parents would prefer. You cannot leave children at home. That is giving a very clear message to them that they are not part of the family. What a horrible thing to do to a child.
your husband should go along and manage them if they are that bad.

Original poster
QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:43

frazzledasarock · 08/08/2023 10:39

i think it’s a good thing for your DH to spend some quality one on one time with both his children. Why can’t he organise something for the three of them why does he need to barge in on your family time?

This is exactly what I've said to him, there is nothing stopping him from taking them somewhere else and having a nice bit of quality time with just them. I don't think he wants to parent alone for a day out. He was only arsed about me taking our child out with my family when he found out where it was we were going. He never arranges anything fun with them unless I do it. I just want one day with my family

OP posts:
matchamate · 08/08/2023 10:43

Absolutely fine. DH can entertain them.

GenerallyGreenerGrass · 08/08/2023 10:44

Not taking them doesn’t seem right at all, especially now you husband has offered to be with you as well.
You can’t all just take off to an amusement park, leaving two children behind, then come back telling them what a great time you’ve had.
I know you’d like time with just you, your child and your parents but you just can’t do this.

MiddleParking · 08/08/2023 10:44

Is his suggestion that you then watch them for the evening while he works?

CwmYoy · 08/08/2023 10:44

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. Daft to think otherwise.

matchamate · 08/08/2023 10:45

QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:43

This is exactly what I've said to him, there is nothing stopping him from taking them somewhere else and having a nice bit of quality time with just them. I don't think he wants to parent alone for a day out. He was only arsed about me taking our child out with my family when he found out where it was we were going. He never arranges anything fun with them unless I do it. I just want one day with my family

Show quote history

Yes that's exactly the dynamic I thought from your post. Don't let him pressure you.

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 08/08/2023 10:46

I think this is nothing short of nasty.

Your DH could go and manage their 'full on' sort of behaviour, even if he took them off for an hour or two and queued for different rides etc.

It sounds like the truth is you just want to block them out of 'your own little family'.

Poor stepkids.

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 08/08/2023 10:47

Tell lazy DH to take them on a day out by himself.

Except he doesn't want to does he, he wants to benefit from your help and emotional labour.

These men who re-marry and expect SM to do their job.

Original poster
QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:48

MiddleParking · 08/08/2023 10:44

Is his suggestion that you then watch them for the evening while he works?

They aren't too bad at home as they have separate bedrooms so can get away from each other. Days out are horrible though and admittedly I really don't enjoy them. Imo DH is too much of a disney dad and never wante to be the bad guy by actually telling them off or anything.

OP posts:
MadamWhiteleigh · 08/08/2023 10:49

I think the feelings of your stepchildren have to take priority over you and your parents’ preferences for a day out. At least DH is coming and not expecting you to take them without him!

It’s not their fault their parents have split up.

Superfood · 08/08/2023 10:49

QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:43

This is exactly what I've said to him, there is nothing stopping him from taking them somewhere else and having a nice bit of quality time with just them. I don't think he wants to parent alone for a day out. He was only arsed about me taking our child out with my family when he found out where it was we were going. He never arranges anything fun with them unless I do it. I just want one day with my family

Show quote history

He was only arsed about me taking our child out with my family when he found out where it was we were going

ummm. There's nothing weird about that. You're going to a theme park - of course he thought it would be harsh for his kids to miss out on that. It's not as if he is asking you to look after them.

Incidentally, you can't stop him taking them there if he wants to. You could of course refuse to acknowledge them if you bump into them, and turn the other way. That won't be weird at all.

Original poster
QueenBlue · 08/08/2023 10:49

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 08/08/2023 10:46

I think this is nothing short of nasty.

Your DH could go and manage their 'full on' sort of behaviour, even if he took them off for an hour or two and queued for different rides etc.

It sounds like the truth is you just want to block them out of 'your own little family'.

Poor stepkids.

Well yes I would like one day out with my family.

OP posts:
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