This is so much bigger than just this individual situation, though I am aware for the OP this is her entire world crashing down right now and I feel horribly for her.
We have a society where it’s acceptable for women to be possessions. There is plenty of nuance of course, such as how young women feel their value is in how men see them, so they play into their own objectification by placing such emphasis on their looks and how men rate them. But this is part of the bigger issue of how men wish to control women.
You also see it through this thread in the discussions around the age of the women and that the OP has daughters, which is of course an important point, especially for the OP, but it’s also a way of separating women into categories of who is and isn’t acceptable to objectify. For example, the ease with which our society now accepts porn: it’s okay for THOSE women to be objectified and seen as possessions as long as the dude switches off his laptop and is nice to his family. Or, it’s okay to perv over strangers on IG because ‘he doesn’t know them’ and he takes his kids out once in a blue moon and pays the bills. I understand there is an additional vulnerability when it is younger women who are being treated like this, but it’s a red herring to focus on that aspect. It shouldn’t be okay for men to see and treat any women like this, regardless of age or occupation or level of undress in photographs.
It’s so depressing that this is happening, but I think we all need to play our part in changing it, if that’s what we want to see happen. As women, I think we need to demand better standards of partner for ourselves. There are good men out there, men who call out this bullshit, who want love and family and security. Don’t let the popular narrative that ‘all men are like that’ get to you, because what that creates is resignation - if all men are like that, we think what is the point? Give up, accept it, avoid men. But that’s what men who are like that want women to believe because they need other people to excuse their behaviour. They’re not held responsible, they get a free pass, if it’s ‘just all men are like that.’
Without trying to turn this political, I’m seeing there are some men in the media who are trying to have conversations about what masculinity means now, in order to provide meaning to boys and men, to teach them about how to treat other people (women) and how to invite responsibility into their lives so they have focus and goals. Relegating all men to idiots who just drool over women and have no respect for their wives doesn’t help anyone, least of all women. Boys aren’t born like this, they learn this because we have a society that models it for them.
OP, I’m not sure if any of my comment will help at all, I’m just musing on how we got here to this place that created men like your husband, who think their behaviour is okay. For what it’s worth, your articulate comments show you have your head screwed on. You do not have to accept this behaviour. Unfortunately, what you have learned is that your husband has no regard for you, your children, or the life he has pretended to create with you. He is telling you who he is in one breath, then he is someone else when you are not around. You deserve so much better than that.